May 15, 2007

Cont.

Sorry guys, with gist coming in late. It's been hard trying to do this while at the same time having three writings to turn in to school. After working so hard on freewriting and trying to put my thoughts together, within the confines set for the exam (writing within confines is laborious for me, anyway) I found myself strolling into one of those darned Abj clubs, seeking solace and trying to reward myself for some of the hardwork, thus far. I should've known better to go farther up town, but my cheap-ass settled for this one somewhere out there, sha: The DJ kept spinnin' the same playlist all through the night and it seemed everyone but me enjoyed it (though I have to admit I did my own baraje-ing sometime in between, when it was still fresh from yard. It isn't like I know how to do it that well, but ho hum). There were loads of razz, fronting girls. Matter of fact we weren't all clubbers. It's more like a pickup joint for hoes 'cos everyone was coming to get laid. In he comes, upstairs/out they go both go, chuckling. Plenty sugar daddies with young girls "lapping" them to get free drinks, meat and "some". There were lots of smelly peeps too on the dancefloor, and on top of that, the tag on the beer was a bit above normal, higher than what you'd normally get out there. I mean, what gives? There's no justification for this. No fcking value for money. At dawn, with my head throbbing like I got clubbed, I got the needed quiescence from these two misters who were arguing about America and Amsterdam, which is better. Quite a debate. The pro-America was uber drunk and all he kept saying to this other guy who happened to be his "friend" was, "You're an illiterate! You are uneducated". The "accomplished" one who spent some time in Amsterdam, returned to Nigeria with a white woman and kids to show for it, kept yapping about how he's a "made man", as against Mr. Americana who traveled to the US on a fake medical visa, and after wasting two years of his life in America, has nothing to show for it, only to return to Naija with two tokunbo cars. He went on to tell how his friend sold the tokunbo cars and quaffed the whole money on casinos and broads. Quite a sight, believe me! 5am, with two drunks bawling, with their voices reverberating in the neighborhood. "I'm a rich man! How can you come and be talking to me anyhow at a bar? Show your worth. Do you know who I am? Look at you! I can feed you, your family and your next two generations. Since you got back from America, have you visited your village? Do your people know you are back? Look at you, hiding from one hotel to the other. Not just any hotel, you went from staying in Chelsea to some local joint because you've squandered the money you claim you have. I'm a rich man...I live in Minister's Hill, one of the best areas in Abuja and you can ask anybody...and you are here sitting and talking to me anyhow at a bar...I'm a rich man!"

Well, I give it up to the guy sha, he get bad mouth! Cos he totally ripped, filleted and silenced the other dude. I know I didn't add salt 'n' pepper to spice this up because my mind was still active. Nothing like cold beer in empty bele, with peppery suya @ 3am...your senses pique gaaaan ni. So I remembered everything that transpired, verbatim. Not again sha will I go this route, until I'll be rolling in like G-UNIT in "How We Do" into someplace that'd be worth the hard-hewn time AND of course, after doing some "market survey" and homework.

So I just had to get that off moi moind cos it's as fresh as morning dew. Now to finish the gist I started sometime ago:

Night trip:

Ehen, so after the ATM fiasco, we set out that evening for the trip o! Unfortunately, most of the coaches don't have sleeper service. If we were going to go by ABC, we should have booked two or three days earlier. Needless to say, we'd lost out on that option. So we resorted to going with Chisco and managed to squeeze ourselves in for the ride.

Some razz guys just took it upon themselves to freak peeps out o! That's what delayed us at the motor park. They had some very very very unkempt ~locks, with piercings and were acting ghetto fab. Now when it was boarding time, everyone had to be searched for weapons, and after that we wouldn't be allowed to have carry-ons, they started acting up, creating a fuss, making the already spooked passengers more worried that this guys fit cause wahala on the road o! So with heads peeping out of the coach windows like dogs headed for the vets, they all kept shouting that unless our big actors let themselves be searched, bags dropped in the luggage area, they will not make the trip. Everyone else would come down and let the boys ride. Men see exchange o! The boys weren't helping matters until some armed escorts came around to quell what'd have resulted in anything not short of a broken nose. Long story short, the guys gave up their seats and canceled their trips... *sigh*

Time to go now, as I'd expected some guy raised some 'worship' song. More than half the passengers joined in singing and clapping and eventually - praying. Speaking in "tongues", and some 'message'. In the end, he expected everyone to support the "Minister of God" and the "Lord's work" financially, so he started passing envelops to everyone. I tried to look away and he pro'ly noticed this then he shoved it into me. WTF? I bone sha...and I wasn't obliged to do anything so I didn't. When he came back for his envelop, I at least got one of his "Bless Yous", if that matters?

Vvvbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...the coach sped on, the night grew older and I wasn't enjoying my space. The two guys flanking me left and right were snoring loudly and giving me enough craw. All of a sudden, with the speed at which we were traveling, the driver stepped on the breaks and the bus swerved from left to right and back again, jerking and plunging everyone off their seats or at least rolling over a bit. "JESUS!", "Holy Ghost Fire!", "Bisimillahi", a lot of the passengers shouted. That incident quieted the snoring man for sometime. "Kai, na wa o! Driver wetin hapun nau? Kai, chai, this night journey self na wa o!". I chuckled audibly and the guy was checking me out like say I'm remotely responsible...as a blood-sucker, especially since almost everyone had just prayed for a safe trip, binding, casting and dousing in Holy Ghost fire all principalities, authorities of the dark forces that may try to botch our trip! By the way, he was saying "This night journey na wa o" like say dem tie him hands and legs, chuk in head inside moto to travel. *hiss*

Arrived our destination early sha and we wouldn't move an inch from where we alighted cos the city no safe. Until when the sky bright lights started undressing the dark from the night, before we now moved on. No long thing...we did what we did in that town and got back to the craziness in this place. Sorry I hyped it beyond the ordinary. Me self think say d gist plenty but now that I thought of it and put it down in writing, it came out, bleh!

In other news, Nigeria just launched a communications satellite. How this will improve internet use for the common man, is yet to be seen because most of the services this offers for now (C-, KU-, KA-, and L-Bands) are for high-end, enterprise solutions for multinationals, government establishments, the works! Hopefully there could be something done on the downstream for the local man like me...we shall see.

Y'all have a good week! I'll BRB

PS: 1155hrs, no bath, breakfast or teeth brushing, yet! *sighs* Life is fast-paced <<<_________(alibi)

18 comments:

Unknown said...

Your life is fast paced indeed. Listening to those drunks abuse themselves - hilarious.

? said...

bleh! o.k., now this is quite amusing.

Simply Gorgeous said...

Yosh, where do I begin ? You have said plenty. I will begin from the bottom. What the hell? Why are you not showering and brushing your teeth? Here I am working my fanny off to convince ex- to marry you, and here you are behaving like a bush man... This coming from the same person who is obsessed with BO... By the way what is "lapping"? I have been out of the loop for a while now... I am no longer as hip as I used to be (sniffling, with regret).. Alas, Naija chicks need to make up their mind. Do they want to be treated like prostitues, I think not- so they should not allow their bodies to be sold out to the highest bidders. WHat do youthink?

יש (Yosh) said...

@CG: Na so I see am o! I need to take the reins soon before I consider family life...

@P-I: :) Well, wasn't it really "bleh"? And btw, been asking myself wat kinda Darwin character you have as your display pic, not until I looked closely @ d head and see it's d shape of Africa. Says so much!

@SG: hahahaha @ working "fanny off". Just 'cos I didn't shower then doesn't mean I had BO. And even if I did, what's love if she cannot bear all d "scoi-scoi" (lmao). C her comment on FB's blog! *wink-wink*

Emmm, as for lapping, see "Lap Dance". :) I guess I din't make that clear enuff.

And d majority of ladies @ d club came for some freebies, other than those who came with acquaintances. The Life!

Simply Gorgeous said...

I don't care how finea boy or what nonsense you are trying to tell me. Don't tell me you are like some nasty Nigerians who don't bathe/shower and cologne/perfume their body. That is the height of nastiness....

Have you ever had to be subjected to being on a plane sitting next to passengers who never knew the definition of "SOAP".Mind you they are stones dressed from head to toe. But their body smells worst than a decaying corpse...

I had the misfortune of sitting next to all sorts... ones that smell like hot garbage, stale butt cheeks ( don't ask me how I know what stale butt cheeks smell like..) and all sorts.

How can I plead with Yosh for you if you refuse to bathe. And for future reference it is very hard for one to detect ones own BO...

Simply Gorgeous said...

I meant EX- where your name is...Pardon me...

exschoolnerd said...

the exchange of words btw those drunks cracked me up.

יש (Yosh) said...

@SG: Free me, I beg. It's not what you think and it happened in a space of weeks since the last time I reported on the last time cos of this thing We/I are/am working on...and I DO KNOW when I smell...I don't like it when it happens. Believe me, I know! :P

But sha, it happened cos i knew it wouldn't be half as bad as what u've experienced! :P

Ms. Catwalq said...

Obun ni boy yi...

Anyhows, loved the phrase "until the bright lights undressed the darkness..."
Am going to find a way to use that in the next conversation I have...

toodles

diary of a G said...

now this is quite amusing.

Brilliantly Me said...

lol @ the drunks. You have such an interesting life.

יש (Yosh) said...

@Catwalq: Kini mo se ti o fi'n pe mi ni obun!? Se osayo ni? :P

@Rayo: An interesting life, huh? :) Sometimes I don't get to see these things until someone from the outside points it out! :)

Anonymous said...

interesting

Poetic Justice said...

Wow! loved it and found it very interesting. I shall be back!

vindication through innocence said...

Yosh, how now?its been a while...-your near death experience sounds rather crazy and imm glad you snubbed the 'minister'!!Sorry but offering happens at church and outside that is charity which is voluntary!!
The drunk man was outside at 5am in the morning when hes got kids at home!!-hmmm-interesting!!I thought only ministers lived in ministers hill!!-aint that the gated commununty in Maitama or Asokoro-cant remember now!

יש (Yosh) said...

@VTI: Yes o! Been uber distracted, but I'm coming back gradually. Gotta stop over @ your joint soon-ish.

Minister's Hill is the generic name for that part of Maitama sha. Yeah, some part's gated, esp. the ones leading off to where the "Big Boys" live...others are strictly residential and people are allowed to rent, usually at almost incredible costs. Prefer Maitama to Asokoro, any day...

? said...

ok wasn't it really "bleh"? i cant find the silly character, he is on the loose, gone missing, who knows? lol

Anonymous said...

No long thing...we did what we did in that town and got back to the craziness in this place. Sorry I hyped it beyond the ordinary

haha, you're crazy man. i was expecting alot of gist too.