June 13, 2008


The Cabbie

Fridays are manic in Abuja, with weekend rush hour traffic. I was stuck in one of those trying to meet up a schedule when I got a call from my destination. I didn't have to get there any more 'cos they've waited, grew impatient and left. Someone would wait for me at a junction with what I was headed to pick. I didn't have to step out of the cabbie, and it was particularly mentioned that I could head back with the same cabbie.

The driver wasn't communicating. Our only exchange thus far had been negotiating prices. The humidity hung almost just above the head. It was suffocating. The traffic light passes just for 30 seconds and flies a bird, I mean shows the red light, again. So getting past wasn't going to happen any time soon. I was bored. I left my bag in a hurry so I had nothing to read. So I tried to make small talk. The next closest thing that came to mind was what I just heard over the phone. My bad sha, cos I guess what I said came out as:

"We go just turn and u go carri me go back"

He didn't say anything. I'm sure he heard. I tried to look outside the window, to get my mind busy with something, anything...just so we could make it pass the dang light.

As soon as I realised we were about getting through, I focused on the road again and to my utter disappointment, astonishment and chagrin, the dude made a u-Turn at the next intersection. I yelled a long-syllabic "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" and made him almost lose control of the wheels, cos he apparently was confused.

"I talk say when we reach there, u go carri me go back"

Cabbie (in Hausa): 'chiginigini, magana hamaman shrriinning'

yeah, yeah, I get it. And so we made our way back to the beginning of the traffic build up...


Later on....Brrrrrr! My ASS!!!

I sat down, bored outta my mind on the stool by the bar. I popped the cork and watched it rolll away from me. Something jolted me and I reached for it, since the cork says "Refresh and Win". Heck, it wouldn't hurt a thing if I tried my luck. 'Sides, I was bored!

There was a pop corn popper to my side giving off heat. The cork rolled as if pulled away from me by some invisible force, and all my lazy attempts to pick it up before it falls over proved lame. I reached out with more effort this time and scalded my right arm. Aaaarghh! Now I have no reason not to pick it up! Not after getting burned!

I picked it up, violently peeled off the protective rubber that stood between me and the information printed on the cork. I was anticipating a "Try Again...don't let the carbon/sugar kill you as you drink some more", but instead, I got:

You've won!


sms this number to 2653

Fuck me! Woohoo! My heart's veins, arteries, atria and ventricles all pumped 200liters of blood in one minute! I've never been this close to 'winning' anything, except in 199* when I picked up a bottle of free drink after chasing a Coca-Cola supply truck down three streets in my hood. I was so sad, I know.

So what could I have won this time, a day after June 12 in the year of our Lord 2008? A Kia Picanto (most of the promotions have these)? All-expense paid weekend trip for two to visit Olumo Rock? What what what!? I couldn't wait!

I jerked out my fone and quickly typed a message as directed and waited painfully, heart throbbing so hard behind my chest it felt like it was going to leap out of it any moment. I guarded the section with my hands.

Seconds turned into minutes that converts to hours and a text finally came in:

Sender: 2653

*dies, faints, wakes, dies again, convulses...stabilises

Brrrrrr! You are a winner in the Coca-Cola Refresh & Recharge Promotion. Your phone will be credited shortly with 1 min worth of talk time with MTN VTU.

So much for Brrrrrr! They deducted 10,000kobos from my credit balance and it's well over 360 minutes now and counting without the "1 min worth of talk time" added.

And finally...

...someone is trying his hardest to get me real mad and to unleash the dragon, like literally. He's had it coming for weeks now but I keep trying to act like he ain't there. I think I've been mellow for too long and I just need to give a side of me as it's never been seen. Perhaps it's cos I'm sitting idly now that these thoughts are coming up. Maybe I should feed it and get it over with once and for all. FUCK HIM!

What a way to start the weekend!!!

...Have a good one peoples...

June 3, 2008



Preacher's wife got tempted by a new dress she was trying.

The Devil said, "Buy it honey, buy it!"

Preacher's wife said, "Get thee behind me, Satan!"

The Devil did and said, "Looks good from this angle, too"

That's sorta what's been happening to me. I've been binding, casting, trampling, blasting and 'ing' as much as I can, but I guess my willpower has to be upped a little bit mo.

What's Up?

So I've been on a trip to Ogoja and Uyo. It's been fun. I have "Afang soup" leaf growing right inside me cos, dang, that soup is a staple whenever you visit down there; be it local joints or the fancy fast food places, afang soup is a constant in the menu and I've had my fill of it.

I'm scheduled to return there later this week for a weekend stint. I'll have some more gist when I return (I hope).

Is this a bank entrance or polling station?

I had to go make a deposit for a friend (A UBA customer). The razzness continues inside the bank. I got away with taking this pic!

Now time to go for some...

couldn't have enough of it since I had some earlier this noon.

Oh, and June around here is getting pretty cold for me but I can't complain for I've looked forward to a change in weather.

TTY'all soon.

Tonsil Trouble

You should watch it f you can handle the "humor"

Butters: Okay, but... what are you going to do?
Cartman: Kyle thinks that HIV is funny, so we're gonna make him look funny, and then he'll know how it feels to be laughed at.
Butters: I just eh... well I don't know if I should be helping you make Kyle look silly.
Cartman: Butters, helping people who have AIDS is one of the most imprtant things you can do.
Butters: I know, but are you sure Kyle has to be taught a lesson?
Cartman: I'm not just sure, Butters. I'm HIV-positive.


Cartman: We need two tickets to Los Angeles as soon as possible.
Clerk: Los Angeles. Okay, uh I have a two o'clock flight. That would beee... $400 each.
Cartman: Ah, sir, you don't understand. We have to see Magic Johnson right away. You see, we have AIDS.
Clerk: ...AIDS? Wow, that's really... retro. But ah I'm sorry. I I just can't give away free seats.
Cartman: Don't you get it?! We are two pals afllicted with an illness, and who only have each other in a race against time! Innocent playful children who are stricken with a dieadly disease for no reason!
Kyle: Oh please, no reason! I got AIDS from him!
Clerk: Oh, you boys are [sticks his left index finger into a tube he makes with his right hand and moves it in and out of the tube] like that, huh?
Kyle: NO!
Clerk: Are you sure you boys just don't have any cash?
Cartman: We're not just sure, we're HIV-positive.
Clerk: Ugh, we sometimes offer free seats to cancer patients, but AIDS I d-. Heh-hey Mitch? Do we have any AIDS patient policies?
Cartman: Forget it, alright?! We'll use another airline! One that cares!


Butler: Magic. Magic, could you come to the front for a minute? There are a couple of boys here to see you. Two brave little buddies who against all odds have journeyed across America to find the cure for AIDS. All they have are each other in a race against time. [Magic sheds a big tear and sniffs]
Kyle: [moments later] Thank you for seeing us, Mr. Johnson. We were hoping that maybe you have some kind of key that can help us with our disease.
Magic: You boys both have the virus? Are you sure?
Cartman: We're not just sure, we're HIV-positive.
Kyle: [quickly irritated] Will you stop it with that?! What part of this is funny to you?!
Cartman: Kyle, we need to find a-
Kyle: What part of being infected with a deadly disease do you find funny?!
Cartman: [thinks for a few seconds] I don't think it's funny, Kyle.
Kyle: Then stop saying you're not just sure, you're HIV-positive! [Cartman keeps quiet] This isn't funny, AIDS isn't funny, dying isn't funny, so shut the fuck up!
Cartman: [clears his throat] Well excuse me, Kyle, for trying to keep some optimism, you know? I mean, sometimes when things... seem their darkest you just need to try and stay... HIV-positive, but if you wanna be so HIV-negative all the time, I-
Kyle: Knock it off!! Right now!! This isn't funny! At all!
Cartman: [waits a second] Are you sure!
Kyle: [quickly] Yes!!
Cartman: [waits a second] Are you HIV-positive? [Kyle smacks him quickly] Aarrhh! Ow, fuck, Kyle! [begins to stroke his cheek]
Magic: Boys, the truth is I don't know why my body is so resistant to the virus. I would love to know so I could help others, but I just don't. [shrugs]
Kyle: Well I've been thinking: maybe there's something you've come into contact with that hinders HIV from growing. Do you mind if we just look around?
Magic: Well, not at all.
[The hallway. Magic and the boys pass varoius rooms]
Magic: The pool is over there [motions to his left], where I try to swim and stay in shape. My kitchen [motions to his right] is full of pretty healthy food. I don't know which thing it is that keeps my T-cell count high, so I... try it all.
Kyle: But everyone tries that. There has to be something you're exposed to that others aren't. Could we see where you sleep?
Magic: Sure.
[The bedroom. The double doors swing open and the group enters]
Magic: Just a pretty plain old ordinary bedroom. [before them is the four-post bed with curtains, and stacks of dollar bills everywhere else]
Kyle: Dude.
Magic: Oh, oh yeah, I. I don't trust banks. I sleep with all my money.
Kyle: You sleep with money. Every night?
Magic: Yeah, I like to keep it close b- ...You don't think that..?

May 19, 2008


Guys, sorry for late reply o!

I was just waiting for someone to show up and I found my way to that area! Those are men bathing and of course washing clothes. The thrill of it and actually what made me take d pic was 'cos the other man washing himself in between the yellow cloth and slacks saw me but felt helpless 'cos he couldn't get up to shoo me off from taking the shot. I was nervous myself, so I couldn't zoom in farther.


The rest of the folks were minding their businesses and were oblivious to my presence.

Naija Politricks & SSydelle: Most of those 'burbs have got places like that. But it's neither Karu nor Kubwa :) It's some settlement behind the airport area...Gwagwa-Jiwa

lmao @ Pseudo! Welcome back!? :)

April 24, 2008

Airport Road | Petrol Tanker pwnage

A tanker burned to ashes at night April 23rd. Caused a lot of traffic along the airport road. I'm sure a lot of people missed their night flights. Some pictures below, but with poor quality cos of the darkness. Ho hum

Long traffic

Getting closer

Fire core

Ewedu soup to calm my nerves when I got home (gotta love it!)

This morn, more traffic...chaos ruled the road

My pissed off cabby

What is left of the petrol tanker

April 15, 2008

A yo

Hey peoples! So good to be back and thanks to all for showing some love in my last post. It helped me deal with the randomness and I didn't get to jump off the terrace.

So what it do?! Emmm, what to talk about today...nothing. Again, right now, my thoughts are like biscuit puzzles that got scattered on a terrazzo floor. Does that even make any sense!? I wonder why I don't even come here to write when I'm ever 'sane'.

*Why do I always have to remember to update after so much prodding!?
* Why is it I remember to update when I'm kinda bored and I'm never able to write something worth reading?
*Why...no, wait a minute, this isn't going to be one of those days again. *slaps self, snap out of it!

Maybe there's something:

I remember the definition my Fine Art teacher gave in J.S.S. 3 on the definition of art. Come exam or test days, you gotta love those simple, one-sentence definitions/answers. I still remember how I scrawled on the virgin page of the notebook that day, "Art can be defined as the creation of something out of nothing". Subsequent term exams, it was easier to recall when taking the tests. In fact, I recall I'm all smiles when I saw a question in the "Theory" section of the exam sheet.

Question 1:

a. Define Art
b. List three types of abstract art.
c. ...

Okay, maybe there's something to say, after all!

Aha, speaking of which, I remember:

Setting: a few bottles of beer and water, expected grilled fish. I dunno if the skies had any stars that night, but there was little or no breeze; the mood around the joint was quite boisterous, the usual: booze, ladies, some sorta munchies, music, smoke (from grill and cigs).
Mission: First meeting
Participants: Jaja, Yosh and some other Jaja-blokes
Side events: Nothing, other than being the first meeting. Actually, things came up, but we didn't get much of talking to do.

See, I can't even remember most of what we discussed, or lemme say, for reasons best decided upon by Jaja and me, I'd rather not delve into them here and now. But one thing that I never seize to forget that evening was when we ventured to the topic of our individual blogs, bloggers, blogville, reading habits, writing etc. One thing I remember I told him is that most people love reading other peoples' writings (me inclusive). While reading, there's this 'how did this person come up with this?" moment or usually moments. In most books, there's always the "Acknowledgement" page where the writer(s)/author(s) give credits, so it's noteworthy that what you are reading wasn't a solo project. The writing undergoes a lot of refinement, editing, call it whatever, until there's a finished product in whatever intended form it was meant to be. But still, na somebodi do the work o! Someone came up with the original idea and went to work. This is commendable...very!

And then there are different types of writers for different categories...satire, prose, thriller, fiction, dialogue, whatever. There seem to be specialists for these different categories and most writers find a niche in either of these or more diverse areas.

I love reading, I love writing (though I wish I can do this much better). Like some people I know who are like me, I feel inadequate (yeah I know I shouldn't). During my "English Composition" classes, I got "Write to Learn" by Donald M. Murray. Pretty good book. Got hammered with the "everyone can write" mantra and it takes this and that to make yourself one helluva writer. The problem is, when writing isn't your chosen path and you just want to be informed and move on to what you wish to do. In my case, and unfortunately for most students, I use the information I need to pass exams and move on. It's sad sha, that's why most people who come out of school today don't know jack 'cos the value of education is sorta placed more on what is in it for me after graduation than what can I do with my skills? What value have I added to myself and what am I willing to contribute to the world? But I won't go into that now. Back to the subject on hand...

So what did this attitude to writing mean for me? I'm sorta guilty cos the few times I write, which in reality hasn't been so much, I ignore some of the rules of drafting (for the upteenth time), editing, experimenting with other perspectives POVs, word choice, tenses, getting reviews and criticism before passing it out half-done. Me, I don't have bl0g-drafts...I just keep repeating the usual system of 'plunge right in and write the last draft'...maybe cos I struggle for time to keep the cobwebs away from this joint. I'm sure i haven't even done a good deal of work on that either
*waaaah, waaaah, waaaaaah _ _ _ sneezes some snot* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Now that's refreshing.
But I know, I have to start somewhere, and while informal writing is what it is, it aids and shapes whatever would come out in a formal writing.

We can't all be writers and while some of us attempt, we can't all be winners. One good thing is just to be able to convey thoughts through whatever the heck comes outta your mind at any time. That's my mission but in the same vein, I'd love to commend bloggers I've come across, both electronically and physically who do this seemingly seamlessly. Kudos to una, you know yourselves. Unlike how abstract it feels while reading the John Sauls and John Sanford etc, reading peoples blogs bring it all the more home; these r Naijas, these are going-ons in their lives at any given time, and they keep doing it well. Keep, keeping on guys!

So what's been bothering me?

* Windows 7

As if we've not had enough crock with Windows Vista, I read Microsoft is about to also find a successor for Vista in what is currently codenamed "Windows 7". Emmm, people are yet to acclimatize to the unkind shock that is Windows Vista. Microsoft is still working behind the scenes to 'make things better', make their pockets better. I think it's high time people get to open their eyes to OpenSource software and get friendly with it. It will take some getting used to but it is doable. Just as there are relationships formed amongst big corporations in a way that it permeates almost every aspect of our lives, there should be endeavors to promote technology for all and that can be accessible by most if not all. Some people definitely will be left behind.

While many people I've tried to 'win over' complain about the OpenSource system being too techie, geeky, nerdy, I think efforts are being made to make easier to use applications. A lot of us already know of:

a. Mozilla that work on the free, fast and light FireFox web browser,
b. WordPress, fine blog publishing utility
c. Ubuntu, light operating system that works better than Microsoft's Windows Vista. You can get by even though you are 'code/scripting challenged'.
d. OpenOffice, free word processing and other basic office work software.

...amongst others. Check here for other OpenSource Projects

My case: We need to get our work done, but most software are expensive to purchase and while most of these corporations from one side of their mouth preach accessible technology for all, they at the same time pinch people where it hurts cos most if not everything na money! Not everyone can shell out close to US$500 for professional software, except of course, big corporations and 'big people'. What makes OpenSource software initiative beautiful is that it's accessible and affordable by most, if not all. Who no like free tin?

I guess I've made my point on this.


* "Buying Shares"

The rate at which banks offer shares these days is alarming. For those of us who are edgy on some matters, they sure are doing a good job in keeping us that way. Yeah, yeah, I know life is all about risks, but I beg to differ. Some issues are better dealt with with a fifty-feet pole.

Most Nigerians are illiterate and alliterate to the idea of shareholding. They feel it's a 'get-rich-quick' scheme. Some times and for some reasons, I don't blame them. But I can't blame these financial institutions either who are out to make their profits. People just see IPOs on the Tv or listen to jingles on FM and they feel they know all they need to know vis-á-vis buying shares. They don't even give attention to the comment "Please consult your bank or registered stock brokers for advise" or something that goes in that line. Heck, they don't even know who a stock broker is. Like my friend the other day, bought shares years ago and is rocking on his seat, waiting for 'returns'. He even got angry that he's lost some money! Lol. Sheesh, like does it really work like that? Shares aren't mushrooms, man! Be easy.

I've forgotten what next I want to say. I'm hungry, but I'd leave y'all with Taylor Swift's "Teardrops On My Guitar. I'm currently feeling this song so much!

March 25, 2008

Right Now

Right now.

I feel so random, my thoughts are vacillating, even though I haven't taken any drugs, yet
I have a sore-throat, I haven't had a sore-throat in a long time. Maybe it's the mango? I washed it well though...
I can't laugh as heartily as I want, my side kinda hurts when I do...maybe it's the throat
My coffee is cold...ugh
For the heck of it, I've thrown some bread slices in it, watching it get soggy and I'm pitter-pattering it with the spoon...I haven't been a kid in a while
I think I'm being 'too serious'. Is there any such thing as being too serious?
I feel sick
Why do those pine-apples have such grotesque look, like some skin condition? Maybe reading The 11th Plague was such a bad idea...I think it's cos I'm feeling sick
Sometimes i love being paranoid...I don't think one can be too careful
Why do some people still buy and cook with Vedan, Ajinomoto Glutamate seasoning?
What company still produces these things?
Why did God create Lizards? Roaches? Mosquitoes? Flies? Are these part of what Genesis said God saw and pronounced as 'good' after His creative exercise?
See some fine girl there now and I'm not even thinking of doing anything with her...
The air smells so good out there...from the soft rainfall last night. The smell of wet soil...corn...local pear...mmmm
Stop flashing me...I won't call you back.
Daffodil Lament by The Cranberries is kewl
I'm beginning to think less of getting high with booze...maybe this is a good thing...maybe
I love mom and dad
I love my finger(s) ring(s)
I love Snookie & Snookum
I love Mozilla FireFox...I love add-ons...I love OpenSource
I love the internet
I want a gun...
I like Madonna
I like T.A.T.U.
Why do I find the "Touch My Body" video funny?
Estelle, eleyin gan-gan, she's fine in her own way sha
Why am I suddenly "enjoying" all these R'n'B? tsk
Chris Brown, Jordin Sparks...hmmm
Is it just me, or did Alicia Keye's hips just get bigger in "No One"? Anything as hip implants?
Yanni IS weird
She loves her career...even with doing stitches. I wish I could handle literally seeing inside other peoples' bodies
I want a new job
Why do things seem to be happening slowly?
Is patience still a virtue when you are getting old and STILL can't get what you want?
Why is Jaja having so much fun? Or is he working hard?
Is ExSchoolNerd in school today? What's she thinking right now?
Did TRAE enjoy the rain yesterday? Was he even in Abuja self?...And Jeremy?
Rhea seems to be having fun...all the time, even when she claims she's got stuff going tough for her...
Catwalq is going to be coming the first female Buddha. Is there already a female Buddha?
Joomy...just reminded me of Gandhi (sp?)...I dunno why
SolomonSydelle, how long does she want to live for? She'd contest for Nigeria's first female president, I think...if the opportunity shows up
Why am I even thinking these things?
I need a pill...