December 10, 2007



Dedicated to all the been theres and done thats

‘Heroine’ & ‘Hero’: Oh gosh! 'That' IS good! (they chuckle and cuddle each other till the sun gets tired of looking and retires in the horizon).

[Three weeks later, over the phone]

‘Hero’: Hey, what's up? How are you doing? All efforts to reach you via phone most of the night till I couldn’t help it anymore proved unsuccessful. You got me worried...

‘Heroine’: We have to talk....

‘Hero’: What? That in no way answers my question!

‘Heroine’: I know...I...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to act rude, but...Anyways, how are you doing?

‘Hero’: Good! You don't sound like everything's all right. What's the matter?

‘Heroine’: Like I said, we need to talk. I'm worried C.

‘Hero’: What bothers you sugar-pie? You know I'm here for you, you can tell me anything.

‘Heroine’: Sure, I know. Anyway, I didn't mean to keep you worried my's just that...

‘Hero’: Hey, I told you to find me a new pet name. Jupiter sounds so...*sighs* All right honey, don't say it! I'd text you my schedule for tomorrow soon. I have to get off the phone right about now.

Don't worry too much, okay? We'd be fine...I'd hope we can work things out.

‘Heroine’: I'd hope so! Hey, aren't you forgetting something?

‘Hero’: What?...Oh, I love you my chocolate-coated-crusty-sugar-pie!

‘Heroine’: I love you too, dear! Please be careful and I can't wait to see you! I'm so scared.

‘Hero’: Don't worry, we'd be fine.

‘Hero’ thinks to himself what the problem could be, but he just can't place it.

[At some eatery, the next day...]

‘Hero’: <...almost thru with his meal> You've barely touched those croissants and it isn't like it's some huge meal. Something is definitely wrong and I think you've held it back long enough. That's the reason we are here anyway...though I'm sure my plate says differently [he laughs lightly, trying to shoo away the dark clouds of ill-emotions looming overhead]

‘Heroine’: Honey, you know I love you and i wouldn't do anything to deliberately spite you. I mean, we've come a long way and lying isn't part of my nature...[she pauses for the words to sink in; she trolleys on when she sees how he nods satisfactorily]... C, I did not see my last period and well, I didn't want to tell you back then ‘cos I thought I just needed time for it to come, but it's over a week now and there's no sign of it. I'm scared.

‘Hero’: You what?

‘Heroine’: I did not see my last period...In other words, I think I'm pregnant

[pockets of sweat starts forming on his forehead. He's never been 'here' before. Who could've known that short encounter could lead to this? What does he do now? Pregnancy? How? Is this the beginning of the end
for him? He just managed to rake out his fees for the next study session.

Of course there are debts to be settled. He still hasn't come up with the dough for the aso ebi his chocolate-coated-crusty-sugar-pie asked for months ago...and now this...]

‘Hero’: My Gawd! (he manages to say)

‘Heroine’: Yesterday? I was scared to tell you cos I didn't know how you'd feel. I am confused...I don't know what to do...

‘Hero’: Ah-A-arre you sure about this? No...I didn't say that. I mean, what are we going to do now? Have you told anyone about this? Do you think anyone knows, yet?

‘Heroine’: What are we going to do? I was thinking you'd know what to do o! Me, I'm scared is all I know. My sister will kill me. My daddy will kill me. My mommy will kill me. I will no longer be able to go to choir practice. The girls will be talking about me...Oh my God, why me?

Breathe in, breathe out...breathe in, breathe out...He lost count of how many times he said that to himself. It seemed liked an eternity while he stood in the loo until he mustered the wrinkled balls to go back to join her at the table. By this time, her eyes have gone crimson from crying silently.>

‘Heroine’: I have to leave now. Will you call me later?

‘Hero’: I guess...

‘Heroine’: You guess? Don't do this to me honey, you mentioned yesterday not to worry, we'd be fine. Now you don't look confident any more. Please say it to me again! Tell me everything will be all right...I need to hear it.

‘Hero’: Okay! I will call you later. Do you want to spend some time over before you go home? I can't stand anyone knowin what has happened from your looks. I mean, you could start having to answer questions you don't want to deal with

‘Heroine’: Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

[At night over the phone]

‘Hero’: Hello honey

‘Heroine’: Hi, look, I'm sorry about what happened earlier. I wasn’t myself and I wasn't thinking before I said...

‘Hero’: Look, it's okay! Listen, what matters now is...Are you alone? Can you walk out where there'd be no listening in...?

‘Heroine’: I'm good here.

‘Hero’: Okay. Well, here is what I've come up with. I've discussed with this pharmacist friend and he wants to see you, no us, tomorrow. When can you come?

‘Heroine’: I'm not sure, say, after my sister leaves for work...

‘Hero’: And when in particular is this?

‘Heroine’: Ummm, anytime from 9am.

‘Hero’: Okay, I'll try so we'd wrap things up so there'd be no suspicions. Meet me at the TZ outlet by Alamala junction. I'd be there quite early, so start coming as soon as you are done and please don't keep me waiting.

‘Heroine’: I'll try.

‘Hero’: No, you will make it! Listen, this is serious! Every second from "D-day" for whatever it is that is going on down in your tummy is worth it. I can't take any tardiness...I am ready to forestall this.

‘Heroine’: Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I've just lost my bearings since all of these started happening


‘Heroine’: Are you there?

‘Hero’: yeah!

‘Heroine’: I said I'm sorry for what's happening. I just wish it were a dream. I didn't see all these coming and I never meant to put us through this.

‘Hero’: Pls be ready on time tomorrow, ok?

‘Heroine’: Are you mad at me?

‘Hero’: No!

‘Heroine’: Then why did you side-step a response to my last statement?

‘Hero’: I didn't mean to...I'm not handling things well, I guess. I'm not mad at you and I see what you mean. I've had a tough day, I'll go now, ok?

‘Heroine’: Okay. Will you sing me a song?

‘Hero’: Not tonight, I'm sorry!

'Heroine’: All right then, good night!

‘Hero’: Good night and sweet dreams!

[Next day, at the pharmacist's...and on to "Dr. Satan"]

Pharmacist: So, from what you told me yesterday, I don't think I can handle this. I will give you the number to this doctor I know who handles D&Cs and he'd take care of it

‘Heroine’: What have I gotten myself into? Oh God, why? [sobbing]

‘Hero’: Thanks, man, I appreciate it! We'd deal with it as soon as we can...

Pharmacist: No problems, I'm just doing what a friend can do at this kind of time. Good luck!

[Outside the pharmacy]

‘Hero: Look, crying will not solve anything now. All you need to do is follow me and we'd find a closure to this thing before anyone else finds out, ok? I'm not finding this any easy either, but you either let me handle this properly by getting a grip of your emotions, or you might as well get me all wimpy with your sobs...and if I may add, I don't mean to be harsh.

‘Heroine’: [more sobbing]

[At Dr. Satan' day]

Dr. Satan: Welcome! Your pharmacist friend told me to be in expectation of you.

‘Hero’: O, did he? Well, yes...actually, I believe he's briefed you over why we are here

Dr. Satan: Actually, yes. You see, the way these things are done, I don't want to waste much time on it. We'd conduct a test that you can pick the results in a few hours.

(to ‘Heroine’: Please go into that room. You'd find a lady waiting to take your piss and shit for test)

...And so it happened the test result was, of course, positive and Dr. Satan scheduled the next day for the D&C, which he carried out. He passed on some drugs to her for 'recovery'. ‘Hero’ pays for the whole operation and everyone packs up and goes home, feeling like it's all good.

Unfortunately, ‘Heroine’'s younger sister senses a trend with her older sister, taking drugs systematically every 6 hours or so and goes on to report to their guardian-older sister. Guardian older sister confronts our 'heroine' over her recent increase in drug intakes, particularly the type of drugs found on her. With some chiding here and some scolding there, our heroine spills the moin-moin. And so kasala burst. The chain reaction from our heroine's family to our hero's household. A lot of investigation went into play, the core of it being: "Was our heroine really pregnant?"

Question & answer:

When did you two 'meet'?: Three weeks ago

I can't remember a girl becoming pregnant in three weeks after intercourse, are you sure the pregnancy is yours?: Ehrrrm, well, the thing is, I trust her so well. In fact, I can bet my nuts and I'm her first. So if she said she was pregnant and it's mine, then it is so!

You seem to trust her so well. But how can we verify that the baby she was carrying is yours?: What I said before...

Why didn't you confide in us first before going for a D&C?: I/we was/were scared of what YOU'd all think...

What if something had gone awry? What if she loses her ability to conceive in the future?: Bleh...but thank God nothing like that happened...

I'm/We're still not convinced she was carrying your baby! My/our argument is I don't think a woman can conceive in three weeks after sexual intercourse. Are you sure it was only you she's met? Because the only way we can verify she was pregnant is whether a D&C was really carried out. Now that we've known, and neither of your heads is headed for the guillotine, do you care to demystify your mystery to us?:

All right, I'm going to be very honest with you all. We really did 'meet' three weeks ago. Just a few days ago, she said she 'missed her period'. Her only explanation for this phenomena is that she's pregnant. We both were panicked, with no one to talk to. Actually, now we know there are people we'd have spoken to, but then we were in the dark. Everyone seemed to be a foe and our only friend was what seemed right for us to do for our own good at the time. Well, I went to a friend who referred me to a friend who knew how to handle stuff like this. And so we went to this friend's-friend-who-knew-how-to-handle-stuff-like-this. He carried out a test, and said the result is positive. Looking at it from this point, it was stupid for us not to have waited a little while longer and tried a test elsewhere. Panic owned us and I quickly ceded to him carrying out a D&C.

Wait o...u mean, this 'friend's-friend-who-knew-how-to-handle-stuff-like-that' actually went ahead to do something to her?: Yes…Come to think of it, I didn’t even penetrate her…I…okay, I’m not going into that now…

After discussing on the phone, she confirmed she didn't bleed and can't even remember what the man did to her. D'oh! She can't even recall any sorta post-surgery pain. Perhaps her body created some sorta imagined pubic throbbing which justified her taking the drugs.


After the investigation:

*Our heroine was not pregnant, after all

*Fear of the unknown made our hero and heroine to make hasty decisions...and of course they could not keep their secret secret for long.

*Misinformation and complete naïveté took the best of our hero and heroine.

*There are lots of Dr. Satans out there who are ready to take advantage of panicky juveniles. Areas of concentration are the 'burbs where there's a thick population of illiterates who live with reckless abandon, a good number of these being [sexually active] juveniles.


Sounds incredulous, but things like this do happen in society. A lot of people don’t know SexEd-101 and are thus prone to plunge headlong into making hasty decisions. Girls lose their lives from unsafe abortions; perhaps if they manage to come out unscathed, they get some jara (extras) in form of some infection from wherever these surgeries take place. Unsafe sex is rife and all these buzz of HIV & the AIDS seem to be falling on deaf ears.

Education should be two-sided: from the family and other forms of institutes:

The family should take an active part in this education because, well, it is the safest I can think of - in a case where there are no weirdos (dad, mothers, uncles or aunts molesting kids/wards). Every family would want the best for its members, so I think the kids would not get any better information elsewhere than from well-informed, loving parents and guardians. Parents should not relegate their responsibilities to others, pls. By others, I mean misinformed friends, sexual predators, pervs and miscreants out there who'd gladly do the work for you.

Second in line of support should be a good educational system. Schools should have a good course in sexual education in place to help kids deal with these issues as soon as they start taking cognizance of it. And not just the course, there should be sound-minded tutors in place to help deal with such cases. Some families find it hard to communicate, so the next place kids seek solace are from people who would offer a listening ear. Some times, these people can be the wrong ones, which in turn lead to devastating results. But where there is a support and report system in place in schools, whereby whatever these kids say can be held in confidence and where there's need, these things get to the ears of their parents, so the parents know what is going on in their kids' lives. Such can help stem the trend of misinformation out there that will make our kids do crazy and strange things.

This isn't some surefire solution. Right now, there is no perfect system as there'd be lapses here and there, but then I feel we can start somewhere and cases such as that of our "Hero and heroine" can become case-studies and not realities.

Hola Migos

My blog people, how una de? I beg your pardons o! Thank you all who commiserated with me on my last post here, for your kind words et al. I really appreciate it and I'm glad to announce that everything is under control, though there. It's so unlike me to be gone for so long without any sorta info, but without further ado, I'd just spend a few mins summarizing what's happened (at least those 'blog-worthy') since my last time on here:

*Of course, there was some brouhaha over my bro and his gf/wife-to-be. But like I said up there, things appear to be under control.

* I secretly changed jobs and returned: Yeah, sounds odd but I dunno how else to describe it. I mean, i kinda left my job and went into this place that offered me 'something', but it appeared it wasn't the right time and job so I jejely ran back to where I was before I lose out on both ends.

* I met Jaja. Ummm, I dunno if I should be sayin this but well I am. For all I care, it could be one of Obj's foster-sons I met (no offense to Jaja or anyone in particular). We had fun meeting and we tried to keep it as real as we could. I'd end that here by saying, 'Man, you rock!'...even post-meeting. Counting down till another.

* I moved out! I found me an apartment and have settled in. I can fix myself all the fictitious meal-medleys (amongst other things) I've ever thought about. If you meet me at home on a weekend, you'd leave with a story to tell.

I miss the parents and I try to make it a point to speak with 'em every evening. I find my love for them growing by the day, esp. since i moved out. I can't say I love either of them above the other, but dang, mom's so cool and she keeps proving it. I can't trade her love for anyone else. For now, everything appears to be peaches and creams, but I'm not living in Wonderland nor resting on my laurels. There's work to be done and that I'd do!

Catty, OverwhelmedNaijaBabe, Exschoolnerd, Jaja, Solomonsydelle, Ugo and the rest of you - thanks for reaching out, both on and offline. I appreciate it. It sorta reminds me of those elementary school days when I miss school either 'cos I was sick or something, and then my friends stop over after school hours to tell me how the school day went. I feel so loved...same thing applies now. Even though i was away, I still felt loved by your comments [which unfortunately I couldn't respond to immediately - I've been on the go]. Thanks, y'all rock!

"I won't be home for Christmas"

And I leave y'all with this little piece by one of my favorite punk-rock bands. Ummm, there's no video for this song, but someone just put this vid together. I won't be home for Christmas 'cos I'd be at one or two places. Happy holidays [Hanukkah, Salah, Christmas, New Year's] in advance to everyone out there.

"I Won't Be Home For Christmas"

(Deck the halls with boughs of holly fa la la la la la la la la)

(Tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la la)

Outside the carolers start to sing
I can't describe the joy they bring
Cause joy is something they don't bring me
My girlfriend is by my side
From the roof are hanging sickles of ice
Their whiny voices get irritating
It's Christmas time again

So I stand with a dead smile on my face
Wondering how much of my time they'll waste
Oh god I hate these Satan's helpers
And then I guess I must've snapped
Becos I grabbed a baseball bat
And made them all run for shelter

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don't wanna get beat down
Just leave the presents and then leave me alone.

Well I guess it's not cool to freak on Christmas Eve
Cos the cops came and arrested me
They had an unfair advantage
And even though the jail didn't have a tree
Christmas came a night early
Cos a guy named Bubba unwrapped my package (hot damn)

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don't wanna get beat down
Just leave the presents and then leave me alone.

I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas