May 30, 2007
So to my friends out there: I love you all! But hopefully y'all will learn to take me, scoin-scoin and all. And for those who'd find it hard dealing with the real me, take me as 'that guy over there', 'cos well, that'd do you some good instead of working your hiney off worrying over what you need to take a chill pill on, or perhaps just let be. It isn't like I haven't always been the real me, it's just that the mind works in a selective way and people tend to see what they prefer to see in you and when they don't, they try to "fix" you. I'm not broken and no, I don't need no fixing. Next page!
So I was in the waiting room with my friend who went in for a head scan the other day. I didn't mind the TV at first until I heard the following lines:
All this stuff doesn't mean anything. Money, this, doesn't mean anything without trust. I have to be able to trust you with my life.
Snap! I looked up quickly, looking out to see my man "Ace" from the movie Casino (one of the best movies I've ever seen, btw). I could have that movie on replay on a good day and I'll never get tired of watching it. Just writing that part reminds me of this scene where one of Nicky's boys pissed Ace off. And he said to him:
"You took your boots off? You put your feet on the table? You shit-kicking, stinky, horse-manure-smellin' motherfucker you. You fuck me up over there, I'll stick you in a hole in the fuckin' desert."
[Click here for more quotes from the movie]
He's so foul-mouthed, that one! That movie was an explosion: Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro...
EHEN! Back to reality! After I heard those lines I thought it was my favorite movie that was on o, but when I looked up from my book to the TV, who did I see? Ramsey Nuoah (abi na Noah self) was talking to Genievive Nnaji. Worrahell? It was this Nollywood-Casino-wannabe movie sha. OK, well you guys had better get something better to offer through this movie after using that line from one of my best of the bests! To even think that was the only thing they stole from the movie was underestimating them o! These guys completely stole the whole storyline of Casino! The whole nine yards! Kai, Nollywood sha. The only difference is that in this movie, Ramsey was some big boy, butt kicking kingpin, every other thing was from Casino. And no, I won't give it to them. They didn't do a good job stealing and that was the annoying part. That was an insult to my favorite movie and I demand a compensation from whoever directed Rip Off 1 & 2 (that's the title of the Naija movies, for those who care to check it out). Heck, I shouldn't even help them with the publicity, but that goes to tell u how much it got to me!
To Nollywood: It's not all about churning out 100 movies in a month (that's pro'ly an understatement). It's more of quality and the memory that sticks for a long time. So stop with the intellectual property stealing and what not! Let's look within and get ideas for movies, instead of living off what this other people have worked so hard on. And if you have to steal, well, you'd better be good at it.
End of lecture!
So I saw this one armed bicycle rider today. I dunno how he does it. He actually looked comfortable on it, which means he's been at it for quite sometime. He was soft-pedaling on the sidewalks. I think that was impressive o, like what you'd see in a circus. I know some stunt ppl do ride without holding the handles and stuff, but this one was cool cos this guy is handicapped. So yeah...
May 28, 2007
What made it more interesting was how quick they debited my account and sent a confirmation to my e-mail almost immediately confirming the transaction and stuff. It felt so cool that things are looking more easier here. Though the site said secure, I'm going to be logging in to check my balance the next few days for anything odd with it oO!...maybe the PIN has been intercepted by some g33k somewhere who'd now come back to pwnt me. Yeah, that's my paranoid self talking...
Anyhoos, just thought I'd say that and wish you all a peaceful handover tomorrow. I'll be sleeping in and doing some writing...so we'd see, coming back in one piece by Wednesday. I know it's just a day in between but with the whole hype on TV, it looks like Naija's about to go through a nuclear holocaust...Who say democracy na moin-moin?
THE INEFFECTIVENESS OF NIGERIAN LEADERS INDICATES A LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY TO THE CONSTITUENTS. NIGERIANS ARE NO LONGER RELEVANT TO THE LEADERS, THUS, LEADERS DO NOT FEEL RESPONSIBLE TO THEM.
THE RECENT FAILURE TO CONDUCT A FREE AND FAIR ELECTORAL PROCESS WAS YET ANOTHER ILLUSTRATION THAT THE NEEDS OF THE MANY ARE SECONDARY TO THE WANTS OF THE IMPORTANT FEW.
FROM THIS DAY, ALL NIGERIANS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FUTURE OF THIS GREAT & POWERFUL COUNTRY. CONSEQUENTLY, ALL NIGERIANS MUST COMMIT THEMSELVES TO THE FOLLOWING:
1. WE MUST DEMAND THAT ELECTED OFFICIALS BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS AND IN-ACTIONS.
2. WE MUST EXPECT DEMOCRATIC PRINCIPLES TO BE HONORED, RESPECTED AND MAINTAINED.
3. WE MUST BELIEVE THAT ALL NIGERIANS ARE EQUAL UNDER THE LAW AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH.
4. WE MUST APPLY OURSELVES TO IMPROVING THE LOT OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL NIGERIAN REGARDLESS OF GENDER, RELIGION, TRIBE OR SOCIAL STATUS.
5. WE MUST STRIVE TO MAINTAIN A UNITED REPUBLIC DESPITE OUR DIFFERENCES.
ONLY UPON ACHIEVING THESE PRINCIPLES CAN WE AS A PEOPLE FULLY LIVE UP TO OUR POTENTIAL AS A LAND OF GREATNESS. FOR OURS IS A COUNTRY RENOWNED FOR ITS ILLUSTRIOUS PEOPLE, AMPLE RESOURCES AND SHEER PHYSICAL BEAUTY.
May 25, 2007
Ever since Ex began giving off the slow but sure-coming warning sign [see her reply to my comment], that soon all my kaya WILL BE thrown outside till this finalé [see comments exchange] (now that is a story for another day), AND in my bid to remain proactive on the whole shebang I started eyeing one program like that.
Within the past two weeks, I started dropping hints, and thought I'd switch gears by applying some lovey-dovey stuff. 1st phone call since I switched gears: "Hi boo.." ... and we spoke. Maybe she decided to ignore that usage? Hmmm, believing that the first attempt didn't hit it, I sent a text recently with "boo" in it also. Well, all these instances nothing was said up until our conversation yesterday:
Me: Hey, watagwan? "Hi" sounds cold to me...
"Boo": *after long pause* R U interested in me?
Me: Like hell yeah, what do you think? What sorta question is that, btw?
"Boo": Did I in anyway make you angry, recently?
Me: Well, yeah, but that's no big deal, we've dealt with it and moved on, shey?
"Boo": OK...if you say so...but something has been bothering me and I want to talk about it...
Me: *haba, isn't it too early for this?* Uhh, well, let's hear it.
"Boo": Why did you call me a boo? I checked the dictionary and the definition of a boo means to shame somebody or to show disinterest in somebody. If you are interested in me, why would you call me a boo? I did not find it funny at all and I just thought I'd tell you
Me: *Trying to keep my "cool" and also keep myself from lmbfao on the phone. I thought as much, all those unreactions to my calling her "boo". This must be it...*
Aahhh...I'm sorry you got it all wrong. You are right about that dictionary definition, but you see, you cannot find most slangs defined in dictionaries, for a few exceptions and specialized types. "Boo" in the context I used it means "girlfriend", it is an endearment and I did not mean any insults at your person.
"Boo": *after a long silence...and in a pouty tone* I just told you o! I don't like it. But if you say so sha...If I don't like anything, I usually speak my mind
Me: No wahala...
Wahala de o! Isn't it too early for this? Ehn? Chai, so next time now when I go say sugar-pie, she fit talk say I want turn am to food wey I go chop! I gats to open my eyes next time o, make I know who I de talk to. But as this one is still fresh, I dunno whether to wear my slippers and gbe ja or my people:
What It Do?
Yosh in BedLam
PS: Happy handover weekend, all! But how can be happy when there's fuel shortage, ehn? See all the queues at the gas stations, it's not even funny. Plus transport cost has doubled just within these few days...Not only the fuel stations o, the Labor Congress is threatening to strike by next week, so I guess there's a connection between the strike and fuel scarcity, 'cos fuel-tankers (those trailers dem) are not supplying to the stations = scarcity. Even Children's Day weekend won't be fun. Which kain yeye holiday be this? Anyhoos peeps, enjoy it however u can...hopefully things will change before Tuesday! I go miss Obj, sha! *sniffles*
Now THAT...was totally random!
P.P.S: There's a frenzy with people trying to get rid of their old 5, 10, 20 and 50 Naira bills. It's so funny now when you whip it out, people would readily reject it...There should be a better way of exchanging these old bills for new ones, than just having people fear they are losing some money from having "old" currency...Naija sha
May 21, 2007
Lectures are conducted haphazardly. Tired students come into classrooms in the evening from their different jobs or whatever they keep busy with. Mr. Okoro thinking about the proposal he submitted that is yet to get "pushed" through sits there distracted, sketching or writing blankly in his book. Ms. Rose's daughter keeps crying in the lecture hall and gets interrupted several times with trips out of class. Cellphones are the norm with the students taking call in the classes. All the lecturer needs to do is frighten them with failure and the lot who do not even have time to open their textbooks know what to do by the end of semester - see Mr. Lecturer for "settlement".
The part that actually raised my BP was when he came back the other day with a letter for provisional admission stating his admission number and program. Dude applied for Public Administration, but on his letter of admission it was auto-changed to "B.Ed. Mathematics". What the flying fck? How d bloody hell is he going to adjust after all these time? He waited for over a year for this and when it was time, he got this. I just can't put in words how disappointed I am with this. I feel so bad and helpless. Ho hum, he isn't alone in this as a good number of students applying for preliminary studies get the same treatment also. Studying full time isn't any joke, either. JAMB screws people over, over and over again. And when you are done with JAMB, you have to go into school to face the madness. For the past year or so, there's been little or no news from ASUU. But this year, they've come up with a, "Hello, we're still here" message by going on strike. Mind you, I have nothing against unions, but for all that's Holy, there should be some measure of reasonableness when things happen to some sectors. Not Education, not Health, not Security. And even if it has to happen, it should not for so long before things should get corrected. But not in Naija...Doctors strike, Police strike and Universities strike. Not just for a day, or week...it goes for months or so. And we expect the society to thrive?
Dysfunctional! The system looks that way, sometimes. Private Universities are, well, private - made for the middle- and above middle-class who can afford it. Those who wouldn't bother flying their kids outta the country for better schooling send their kids there. But the average Joe cannot send his kid to a private university BECAUSE of the fees. The child will not be able to get a good education, one better than you can get from public funded universities, whether on the Federal or State level so he has to settle for less. Schools aren't producing the right type of graduates any more. You hear people talk about getting admission to school, the conversation is more of a, "Just go in there, do what you have to do, play with the system, when you come out, you don't have to work with what you went in there to study." Graduates come out and they end up with jobs they do not like, things they do not have a passion to do because they have no choice. They just need a job, they need to survive. There is no much contribution into society coming from the graduates of different faculties in the universities. "Engineering, Medicine" and other professional courses in the schools do not bring out people who are ready for the workforce. Our graduates have to go outside Naija for additional training and qualification before they can come home and help, IF they return, that is. Nigerians are running to universities in Ghana, South Africa, Malaysia, Indonesia (nitori olo'un), just so they can get away from home.
I know this is more like a complaint without much solution being proferred. The thing is, I feel helpless and I do not know where to start effecting any changes from. No reporting mechanism to check what these lecturers do. It starts from there...and even if you try to fix it, you'd be the scapegoat because you are in the almost non-existent minority. You'd never graduate from any other university in Naija. Things happen and then those responsible for the ills get away with it because that is how things have always been, I'm not the one to die and fix it.
Breaking The Habit:
I'm curious on smokers getting addicted to cigs. Other than knowing cigs contain some addictive substance, I don't see what makes it addictive. I know this sounds naïve, but i'm not trying to downplay the seriousness of the matter. The few times I've done it, and heretofore, I've yet to have an urge to go pick up one of those sticks again, unless I'm in the same scenario that even prompted me to do it the first time. So my questions are:
1. Does this addiction happen overtime, with constant exposure?
2. From personal experience: Care to share how long you've been smoking and what actually makes you keep doing it?
3. From personal experience(s): What makes it hard for you [or anyone you may know] to break the habit?
I finished reading "Red Cloud's Revenge" today. Good book, met up to expectations, but with the incoming whites gaining ground eventually, but not so easily, it was expected. But it had enough details to raise the hair on my arm. Books have this way of telling stories that watching a screenplay of the same book does not. I'd try to get something else, soon. I guess this year's my year of books as I'm on a campaign to up my reading habits. It's paying off in subtle ways, I can feel.
May 15, 2007
Well, I give it up to the guy sha, he get bad mouth! Cos he totally ripped, filleted and silenced the other dude. I know I didn't add salt 'n' pepper to spice this up because my mind was still active. Nothing like cold beer in empty bele, with peppery suya @ 3am...your senses pique gaaaan ni. So I remembered everything that transpired, verbatim. Not again sha will I go this route, until I'll be rolling in like G-UNIT in "How We Do" into someplace that'd be worth the hard-hewn time AND of course, after doing some "market survey" and homework.
So I just had to get that off moi moind cos it's as fresh as morning dew. Now to finish the gist I started sometime ago:
Ehen, so after the ATM fiasco, we set out that evening for the trip o! Unfortunately, most of the coaches don't have sleeper service. If we were going to go by ABC, we should have booked two or three days earlier. Needless to say, we'd lost out on that option. So we resorted to going with Chisco and managed to squeeze ourselves in for the ride.
Some razz guys just took it upon themselves to freak peeps out o! That's what delayed us at the motor park. They had some very very very unkempt ~locks, with piercings and were acting ghetto fab. Now when it was boarding time, everyone had to be searched for weapons, and after that we wouldn't be allowed to have carry-ons, they started acting up, creating a fuss, making the already spooked passengers more worried that this guys fit cause wahala on the road o! So with heads peeping out of the coach windows like dogs headed for the vets, they all kept shouting that unless our big actors let themselves be searched, bags dropped in the luggage area, they will not make the trip. Everyone else would come down and let the boys ride. Men see exchange o! The boys weren't helping matters until some armed escorts came around to quell what'd have resulted in anything not short of a broken nose. Long story short, the guys gave up their seats and canceled their trips... *sigh*
Time to go now, as I'd expected some guy raised some 'worship' song. More than half the passengers joined in singing and clapping and eventually - praying. Speaking in "tongues", and some 'message'. In the end, he expected everyone to support the "Minister of God" and the "Lord's work" financially, so he started passing envelops to everyone. I tried to look away and he pro'ly noticed this then he shoved it into me. WTF? I bone sha...and I wasn't obliged to do anything so I didn't. When he came back for his envelop, I at least got one of his "Bless Yous", if that matters?
Vvvbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...the coach sped on, the night grew older and I wasn't enjoying my space. The two guys flanking me left and right were snoring loudly and giving me enough craw. All of a sudden, with the speed at which we were traveling, the driver stepped on the breaks and the bus swerved from left to right and back again, jerking and plunging everyone off their seats or at least rolling over a bit. "JESUS!", "Holy Ghost Fire!", "Bisimillahi", a lot of the passengers shouted. That incident quieted the snoring man for sometime. "Kai, na wa o! Driver wetin hapun nau? Kai, chai, this night journey self na wa o!". I chuckled audibly and the guy was checking me out like say I'm remotely responsible...as a blood-sucker, especially since almost everyone had just prayed for a safe trip, binding, casting and dousing in Holy Ghost fire all principalities, authorities of the dark forces that may try to botch our trip! By the way, he was saying "This night journey na wa o" like say dem tie him hands and legs, chuk in head inside moto to travel. *hiss*
Arrived our destination early sha and we wouldn't move an inch from where we alighted cos the city no safe. Until when the sky bright lights started undressing the dark from the night, before we now moved on. No long thing...we did what we did in that town and got back to the craziness in this place. Sorry I hyped it beyond the ordinary. Me self think say d gist plenty but now that I thought of it and put it down in writing, it came out, bleh!
In other news, Nigeria just launched a communications satellite. How this will improve internet use for the common man, is yet to be seen because most of the services this offers for now (C-, KU-, KA-, and L-Bands) are for high-end, enterprise solutions for multinationals, government establishments, the works! Hopefully there could be something done on the downstream for the local man like me...we shall see.
Y'all have a good week! I'll BRB
PS: 1155hrs, no bath, breakfast or teeth brushing, yet! *sighs* Life is fast-paced <<<_________(alibi)
May 4, 2007
I just finished reading "A Good Day to Die". What a sad ending! I actually pictured Beau shooting those bastard "Metal Breasts" and running the "White Chiefs" and their "Gary Owen"-singing flops out of the Great Plains, but no, the Indians couldn't help it any longer. This line was heart-wrenching, the last paragraph:
"The Dakotan turned, ran lightly across the road, and vaulted astride his pony. His hand flung up in a gesture which could have been either defiance or farewell.
"Hoka hey!" he shouted.
The squad of picked riflemen up the road were drill-ground proficient. A single volley brought horse and rifle down together."
How sad! Just earlier he had shown he wouldn't lay down his arms after about 300 defenseless men, women and children were massacred in cold-blood. I actually cherished the following lines:
"Do you know what they are saying out there in the macoce sica? They are saying that when a man has only enemies left and there is no longer any God, then that is the day to die. Already their spirits are dead out there. They look at this road they are being made to follow and they see nothing. It leads nowhere...They are still a nation. I will not let them live half-dead!"
And after he said that, then comes the following...
He pointed to the troopers of Easterbrook's escort.
"Those are my people. They know how to kill. So do I. Tell Bear Coat to send me many soldiers, all his soldiers, and he will see. Those are Sioux out there. Those are men. I will bring their spirits alive again. As long as I live, I will live with them. They are not going to be cattle, feeding heads-down on whatever is thrown before them on the grass of their own land. I am a white man. I cannot pay all. But I owe them that much."
What bravery! Most of us know what happened to the Native Indians in North America, though. But I sure love to read all the parts where the Indians fought back and did a lot of significant damage to the invading Whites. For a change, I will read "Red Cloud's Revenge" next. I'd probably get some good, sanguinary kicks from it.
On the Int'l scene, can't wait for the bummer Olmert and his looney-team to be kicked outta office (...2, 3, 4). I think the Israelis have had it with him, already...it's just so sad it took this long for it to happen.
And on the local scene, countdown till May 29th...Yar Adua trying to sound all concilliatory, asking for all the other factions to "lay down their arms" and let them all work together towards building a great Nigeria. The opposition, to me, appear like a horde of beaten angry hyenas who at this point are barely hanging on to the little dignity they might have. They might either take the extended handshake, or keep rattling like paper tigers. Don't you just like politics? Hopefully a good number of Nigerians will not be swayed into accepting "money-bags" and then pwnt themselves for some BS-spouting politician who doesn't give a rat's-ass about them but will readily pay them off to their deaths. I can't speak for the illiterate mass, though, who are usually the soft spot for this.
The gist I promised in my second to last post...:
So it was one of those days I had to go out, but gotta car-pool with a friend. I was waiting at this shopping store beside this huge poster of the Indomitables (as I later found out, I was standing at the corner for the promo prize claiming point), and this kid walked up to me with something that looked like a cardboard paper full of stickers:
Kid: Hello uncle, I want to claim my prize?
Me: [wtf look...but trying to look interested] Uh, what prize?
Kid: Well, I've gotten all the characters from the Indomitables together now, and I want my prize [kid shows me cardboard full of stickers from the Indomitables promo].
Well, for those of u who dunno, this noodle brand in Naija did this promo a couple months back called "Indomitables". I wasn't paying attention sha, but that was a slogan I nabbed from the time. So they copied the characters similar to the "Fantastic Four" and formed The Indomitables...the marketing campaign aired that by eating Indomie Instant Noodles, kids could live up to the image of either of their desired heroes in The Indomitables...and you know how the rest works. The kids have to look for a picture of each of the hero character, and fill in d blank on d cardboard. When you have all the characters, you go to a 'Redemption Center' to pick your prize. So that was how fate brought me and the kid to that place o!
sha, I thought he might be a good sport, so I played along...
Me: Ah! I see...let me have a look at your collection. [I took his paper and peered interestingly, examining each character stuck on it, nodding agreeably. Nothing you wouldn't do when bored. At this time, I see I've caught his attention and he smiles...]
Kid: Okay, so what did I win?
Me: Ehmmmm [trying to sound re-assuring, at this point, I should've quit messing with the child's head cos raising his hopes and dashing it wouldn't help at all], you see, it's like Santa Claus, eh. Sometimes during Christmas in December, his grotto runs out of gifts stock, so he has to go get more for the kids who haven't gotten any. This is actually the way things are at the moment, I don't have much "prizes" here for you, so you have to wait till...
Kid: [cuts me off before I finished]...where is the aunty that hands out the prize? I came here yesterday and they said the same thing...
Me: [feeling smart, cos I actually spoke for "aunty"] Ah, so you see...I am glad you now know. So who is your favorite Indomitable character?
Kid: [he proudly chips in...] Big Boy! I want to have all that "muzzle" (muscles/bicep).
Me: [smiles] Ah, so that must be why you eat Indomie Noodles, eh? U want to look as big and impregnable as Big Boy (I didn't use d word impregnable sha). Good, just keep eating Indomie, ehn, u'd get there.
Now this is getting really uncomfortable with what I discovered...but before I could make any further statements...
Kid: [mood swing, from bright smile to shitty-droopy look...and that whining sound like he's gonna cry] I want my prize...you will give me my prize...
See me see wahala o! I discovered two things:
1. The boy looked like he's strayed from the main shopping area and his parents might start looking for him. For what looked like a 5-minutes' chat with him, it looks like the kid has "Downs' Syndrome" or one of those kind disease sha. I wonder what would happen if his folks come out, and see me standing with their son sobbing, dem fit think say I be gbomo-gbomo...
2. The whole darn Indomitables thing must've ended months back, or so I believe. How come I din't know? Anyways, I have to plan my exit strategy sharply, or else na wahala I de find so o.
Fortunately, my phone rings and it was my long-awaited partner. So I told the boy "aunty" just came with the gifts and is calling cos she needs help getting them up here. Na so I ja men...
So I told my friend what had happened and he laughed at me in d car. There and then he told me we have to make a short, outta town trip and the way it is, we'd have to travel that night. Me, I don't have cash on me to get some needs for the trip, and pay fare...unlike some people I know who are ever ready, wherever you meet them: Purse/Wallet cash-filled, all those toiletries go with them in their bags and what not. Just hola and they r jumping in and off you go.
Anyhoos, I got tensed up. Short time notice, so much to do. Not thinking, I thought I'd quickly dash to the nearest ATM I can find, so he pulled over the next one we see. I don't trust these debit card things men, cos I've not been monitoring my spending. I just believed I wouldn't be all out like that.
A short while later, I found myself standing in front of the machine. I slot in my card..."Enter your PIN" it says, I punch...What do u wanna do?...Inquiry...Select A/c type...xxx a/c...."ERROR IN PIN CODE"...Try Again?...Yes....I went through that process twice when I remembered that if I did it one more time, the baga will swallow my card. I gulped...looked up and thought about how TF I must've forgotten it dis kain time. I wanted to act Americana, cursing, punching and kicking the machine, but the security man in d background dint let me act out. Shey na im say make I forget my PIN. I kept my cool and after a short while, before the security man will come over to me, asking whether I'm tryin to bobo their machine, I realized I was doing something wrong with the number sequence, and did what I have to do and got out...
I'll come back with the drama that ensued that evening, during the trip et al.
Y'all enjoy the weekend. And remember, If It's Secret and Elite, It Can't Be Good...i've always liked that line from the Skulls...
PS: And I thought we had it bad with our 'violent' elections...Yeah, no room for cheap excuses and we ought to work to make things much better BUT the Scotts are also smashing ballot boxes and havin' a jolly ol' time of peaceful elections. Just so much for blowing our horns, huh?
May 1, 2007
Time Check: 1458 Hours
*I woke up somewhere I've never been in my life and I never saw myself being there, until it happened
*I'm currently working with an ex-NIIT colleague on something important
*I am yet to clean my mouth today (thanks to Vicks Blue and Wrigley PK gum for keeping me going)
*I'm yet to wash, except for cleaning myself with a soapy, wet cloth earlier in the day
*I only have #500 on me, to get me the hell outta here and home
I'll save the rest...for now