December 10, 2007



Dedicated to all the been theres and done thats

‘Heroine’ & ‘Hero’: Oh gosh! 'That' IS good! (they chuckle and cuddle each other till the sun gets tired of looking and retires in the horizon).

[Three weeks later, over the phone]

‘Hero’: Hey, what's up? How are you doing? All efforts to reach you via phone most of the night till I couldn’t help it anymore proved unsuccessful. You got me worried...

‘Heroine’: We have to talk....

‘Hero’: What? That in no way answers my question!

‘Heroine’: I know...I...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to act rude, but...Anyways, how are you doing?

‘Hero’: Good! You don't sound like everything's all right. What's the matter?

‘Heroine’: Like I said, we need to talk. I'm worried C.

‘Hero’: What bothers you sugar-pie? You know I'm here for you, you can tell me anything.

‘Heroine’: Sure, I know. Anyway, I didn't mean to keep you worried my's just that...

‘Hero’: Hey, I told you to find me a new pet name. Jupiter sounds so...*sighs* All right honey, don't say it! I'd text you my schedule for tomorrow soon. I have to get off the phone right about now.

Don't worry too much, okay? We'd be fine...I'd hope we can work things out.

‘Heroine’: I'd hope so! Hey, aren't you forgetting something?

‘Hero’: What?...Oh, I love you my chocolate-coated-crusty-sugar-pie!

‘Heroine’: I love you too, dear! Please be careful and I can't wait to see you! I'm so scared.

‘Hero’: Don't worry, we'd be fine.

‘Hero’ thinks to himself what the problem could be, but he just can't place it.

[At some eatery, the next day...]

‘Hero’: <...almost thru with his meal> You've barely touched those croissants and it isn't like it's some huge meal. Something is definitely wrong and I think you've held it back long enough. That's the reason we are here anyway...though I'm sure my plate says differently [he laughs lightly, trying to shoo away the dark clouds of ill-emotions looming overhead]

‘Heroine’: Honey, you know I love you and i wouldn't do anything to deliberately spite you. I mean, we've come a long way and lying isn't part of my nature...[she pauses for the words to sink in; she trolleys on when she sees how he nods satisfactorily]... C, I did not see my last period and well, I didn't want to tell you back then ‘cos I thought I just needed time for it to come, but it's over a week now and there's no sign of it. I'm scared.

‘Hero’: You what?

‘Heroine’: I did not see my last period...In other words, I think I'm pregnant

[pockets of sweat starts forming on his forehead. He's never been 'here' before. Who could've known that short encounter could lead to this? What does he do now? Pregnancy? How? Is this the beginning of the end
for him? He just managed to rake out his fees for the next study session.

Of course there are debts to be settled. He still hasn't come up with the dough for the aso ebi his chocolate-coated-crusty-sugar-pie asked for months ago...and now this...]

‘Hero’: My Gawd! (he manages to say)

‘Heroine’: Yesterday? I was scared to tell you cos I didn't know how you'd feel. I am confused...I don't know what to do...

‘Hero’: Ah-A-arre you sure about this? No...I didn't say that. I mean, what are we going to do now? Have you told anyone about this? Do you think anyone knows, yet?

‘Heroine’: What are we going to do? I was thinking you'd know what to do o! Me, I'm scared is all I know. My sister will kill me. My daddy will kill me. My mommy will kill me. I will no longer be able to go to choir practice. The girls will be talking about me...Oh my God, why me?

Breathe in, breathe out...breathe in, breathe out...He lost count of how many times he said that to himself. It seemed liked an eternity while he stood in the loo until he mustered the wrinkled balls to go back to join her at the table. By this time, her eyes have gone crimson from crying silently.>

‘Heroine’: I have to leave now. Will you call me later?

‘Hero’: I guess...

‘Heroine’: You guess? Don't do this to me honey, you mentioned yesterday not to worry, we'd be fine. Now you don't look confident any more. Please say it to me again! Tell me everything will be all right...I need to hear it.

‘Hero’: Okay! I will call you later. Do you want to spend some time over before you go home? I can't stand anyone knowin what has happened from your looks. I mean, you could start having to answer questions you don't want to deal with

‘Heroine’: Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

[At night over the phone]

‘Hero’: Hello honey

‘Heroine’: Hi, look, I'm sorry about what happened earlier. I wasn’t myself and I wasn't thinking before I said...

‘Hero’: Look, it's okay! Listen, what matters now is...Are you alone? Can you walk out where there'd be no listening in...?

‘Heroine’: I'm good here.

‘Hero’: Okay. Well, here is what I've come up with. I've discussed with this pharmacist friend and he wants to see you, no us, tomorrow. When can you come?

‘Heroine’: I'm not sure, say, after my sister leaves for work...

‘Hero’: And when in particular is this?

‘Heroine’: Ummm, anytime from 9am.

‘Hero’: Okay, I'll try so we'd wrap things up so there'd be no suspicions. Meet me at the TZ outlet by Alamala junction. I'd be there quite early, so start coming as soon as you are done and please don't keep me waiting.

‘Heroine’: I'll try.

‘Hero’: No, you will make it! Listen, this is serious! Every second from "D-day" for whatever it is that is going on down in your tummy is worth it. I can't take any tardiness...I am ready to forestall this.

‘Heroine’: Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I've just lost my bearings since all of these started happening


‘Heroine’: Are you there?

‘Hero’: yeah!

‘Heroine’: I said I'm sorry for what's happening. I just wish it were a dream. I didn't see all these coming and I never meant to put us through this.

‘Hero’: Pls be ready on time tomorrow, ok?

‘Heroine’: Are you mad at me?

‘Hero’: No!

‘Heroine’: Then why did you side-step a response to my last statement?

‘Hero’: I didn't mean to...I'm not handling things well, I guess. I'm not mad at you and I see what you mean. I've had a tough day, I'll go now, ok?

‘Heroine’: Okay. Will you sing me a song?

‘Hero’: Not tonight, I'm sorry!

'Heroine’: All right then, good night!

‘Hero’: Good night and sweet dreams!

[Next day, at the pharmacist's...and on to "Dr. Satan"]

Pharmacist: So, from what you told me yesterday, I don't think I can handle this. I will give you the number to this doctor I know who handles D&Cs and he'd take care of it

‘Heroine’: What have I gotten myself into? Oh God, why? [sobbing]

‘Hero’: Thanks, man, I appreciate it! We'd deal with it as soon as we can...

Pharmacist: No problems, I'm just doing what a friend can do at this kind of time. Good luck!

[Outside the pharmacy]

‘Hero: Look, crying will not solve anything now. All you need to do is follow me and we'd find a closure to this thing before anyone else finds out, ok? I'm not finding this any easy either, but you either let me handle this properly by getting a grip of your emotions, or you might as well get me all wimpy with your sobs...and if I may add, I don't mean to be harsh.

‘Heroine’: [more sobbing]

[At Dr. Satan' day]

Dr. Satan: Welcome! Your pharmacist friend told me to be in expectation of you.

‘Hero’: O, did he? Well, yes...actually, I believe he's briefed you over why we are here

Dr. Satan: Actually, yes. You see, the way these things are done, I don't want to waste much time on it. We'd conduct a test that you can pick the results in a few hours.

(to ‘Heroine’: Please go into that room. You'd find a lady waiting to take your piss and shit for test)

...And so it happened the test result was, of course, positive and Dr. Satan scheduled the next day for the D&C, which he carried out. He passed on some drugs to her for 'recovery'. ‘Hero’ pays for the whole operation and everyone packs up and goes home, feeling like it's all good.

Unfortunately, ‘Heroine’'s younger sister senses a trend with her older sister, taking drugs systematically every 6 hours or so and goes on to report to their guardian-older sister. Guardian older sister confronts our 'heroine' over her recent increase in drug intakes, particularly the type of drugs found on her. With some chiding here and some scolding there, our heroine spills the moin-moin. And so kasala burst. The chain reaction from our heroine's family to our hero's household. A lot of investigation went into play, the core of it being: "Was our heroine really pregnant?"

Question & answer:

When did you two 'meet'?: Three weeks ago

I can't remember a girl becoming pregnant in three weeks after intercourse, are you sure the pregnancy is yours?: Ehrrrm, well, the thing is, I trust her so well. In fact, I can bet my nuts and I'm her first. So if she said she was pregnant and it's mine, then it is so!

You seem to trust her so well. But how can we verify that the baby she was carrying is yours?: What I said before...

Why didn't you confide in us first before going for a D&C?: I/we was/were scared of what YOU'd all think...

What if something had gone awry? What if she loses her ability to conceive in the future?: Bleh...but thank God nothing like that happened...

I'm/We're still not convinced she was carrying your baby! My/our argument is I don't think a woman can conceive in three weeks after sexual intercourse. Are you sure it was only you she's met? Because the only way we can verify she was pregnant is whether a D&C was really carried out. Now that we've known, and neither of your heads is headed for the guillotine, do you care to demystify your mystery to us?:

All right, I'm going to be very honest with you all. We really did 'meet' three weeks ago. Just a few days ago, she said she 'missed her period'. Her only explanation for this phenomena is that she's pregnant. We both were panicked, with no one to talk to. Actually, now we know there are people we'd have spoken to, but then we were in the dark. Everyone seemed to be a foe and our only friend was what seemed right for us to do for our own good at the time. Well, I went to a friend who referred me to a friend who knew how to handle stuff like this. And so we went to this friend's-friend-who-knew-how-to-handle-stuff-like-this. He carried out a test, and said the result is positive. Looking at it from this point, it was stupid for us not to have waited a little while longer and tried a test elsewhere. Panic owned us and I quickly ceded to him carrying out a D&C.

Wait o...u mean, this 'friend's-friend-who-knew-how-to-handle-stuff-like-that' actually went ahead to do something to her?: Yes…Come to think of it, I didn’t even penetrate her…I…okay, I’m not going into that now…

After discussing on the phone, she confirmed she didn't bleed and can't even remember what the man did to her. D'oh! She can't even recall any sorta post-surgery pain. Perhaps her body created some sorta imagined pubic throbbing which justified her taking the drugs.


After the investigation:

*Our heroine was not pregnant, after all

*Fear of the unknown made our hero and heroine to make hasty decisions...and of course they could not keep their secret secret for long.

*Misinformation and complete naïveté took the best of our hero and heroine.

*There are lots of Dr. Satans out there who are ready to take advantage of panicky juveniles. Areas of concentration are the 'burbs where there's a thick population of illiterates who live with reckless abandon, a good number of these being [sexually active] juveniles.


Sounds incredulous, but things like this do happen in society. A lot of people don’t know SexEd-101 and are thus prone to plunge headlong into making hasty decisions. Girls lose their lives from unsafe abortions; perhaps if they manage to come out unscathed, they get some jara (extras) in form of some infection from wherever these surgeries take place. Unsafe sex is rife and all these buzz of HIV & the AIDS seem to be falling on deaf ears.

Education should be two-sided: from the family and other forms of institutes:

The family should take an active part in this education because, well, it is the safest I can think of - in a case where there are no weirdos (dad, mothers, uncles or aunts molesting kids/wards). Every family would want the best for its members, so I think the kids would not get any better information elsewhere than from well-informed, loving parents and guardians. Parents should not relegate their responsibilities to others, pls. By others, I mean misinformed friends, sexual predators, pervs and miscreants out there who'd gladly do the work for you.

Second in line of support should be a good educational system. Schools should have a good course in sexual education in place to help kids deal with these issues as soon as they start taking cognizance of it. And not just the course, there should be sound-minded tutors in place to help deal with such cases. Some families find it hard to communicate, so the next place kids seek solace are from people who would offer a listening ear. Some times, these people can be the wrong ones, which in turn lead to devastating results. But where there is a support and report system in place in schools, whereby whatever these kids say can be held in confidence and where there's need, these things get to the ears of their parents, so the parents know what is going on in their kids' lives. Such can help stem the trend of misinformation out there that will make our kids do crazy and strange things.

This isn't some surefire solution. Right now, there is no perfect system as there'd be lapses here and there, but then I feel we can start somewhere and cases such as that of our "Hero and heroine" can become case-studies and not realities.

Hola Migos

My blog people, how una de? I beg your pardons o! Thank you all who commiserated with me on my last post here, for your kind words et al. I really appreciate it and I'm glad to announce that everything is under control, though there. It's so unlike me to be gone for so long without any sorta info, but without further ado, I'd just spend a few mins summarizing what's happened (at least those 'blog-worthy') since my last time on here:

*Of course, there was some brouhaha over my bro and his gf/wife-to-be. But like I said up there, things appear to be under control.

* I secretly changed jobs and returned: Yeah, sounds odd but I dunno how else to describe it. I mean, i kinda left my job and went into this place that offered me 'something', but it appeared it wasn't the right time and job so I jejely ran back to where I was before I lose out on both ends.

* I met Jaja. Ummm, I dunno if I should be sayin this but well I am. For all I care, it could be one of Obj's foster-sons I met (no offense to Jaja or anyone in particular). We had fun meeting and we tried to keep it as real as we could. I'd end that here by saying, 'Man, you rock!'...even post-meeting. Counting down till another.

* I moved out! I found me an apartment and have settled in. I can fix myself all the fictitious meal-medleys (amongst other things) I've ever thought about. If you meet me at home on a weekend, you'd leave with a story to tell.

I miss the parents and I try to make it a point to speak with 'em every evening. I find my love for them growing by the day, esp. since i moved out. I can't say I love either of them above the other, but dang, mom's so cool and she keeps proving it. I can't trade her love for anyone else. For now, everything appears to be peaches and creams, but I'm not living in Wonderland nor resting on my laurels. There's work to be done and that I'd do!

Catty, OverwhelmedNaijaBabe, Exschoolnerd, Jaja, Solomonsydelle, Ugo and the rest of you - thanks for reaching out, both on and offline. I appreciate it. It sorta reminds me of those elementary school days when I miss school either 'cos I was sick or something, and then my friends stop over after school hours to tell me how the school day went. I feel so loved...same thing applies now. Even though i was away, I still felt loved by your comments [which unfortunately I couldn't respond to immediately - I've been on the go]. Thanks, y'all rock!

"I won't be home for Christmas"

And I leave y'all with this little piece by one of my favorite punk-rock bands. Ummm, there's no video for this song, but someone just put this vid together. I won't be home for Christmas 'cos I'd be at one or two places. Happy holidays [Hanukkah, Salah, Christmas, New Year's] in advance to everyone out there.

"I Won't Be Home For Christmas"

(Deck the halls with boughs of holly fa la la la la la la la la)

(Tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la la)

Outside the carolers start to sing
I can't describe the joy they bring
Cause joy is something they don't bring me
My girlfriend is by my side
From the roof are hanging sickles of ice
Their whiny voices get irritating
It's Christmas time again

So I stand with a dead smile on my face
Wondering how much of my time they'll waste
Oh god I hate these Satan's helpers
And then I guess I must've snapped
Becos I grabbed a baseball bat
And made them all run for shelter

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don't wanna get beat down
Just leave the presents and then leave me alone.

Well I guess it's not cool to freak on Christmas Eve
Cos the cops came and arrested me
They had an unfair advantage
And even though the jail didn't have a tree
Christmas came a night early
Cos a guy named Bubba unwrapped my package (hot damn)

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don't wanna get beat down
Just leave the presents and then leave me alone.

I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas

November 13, 2007



Hi guys, apologies for my absence. I didn't mean to be away. Straight to the point, my brother is about making me an uncle. Well, to me this is good news and it probably sounds easy, but like most things in life, not everyone shares the same feelings as you (some of you already know what I mean and where this is going). It doesn't sound like good enough reason to be outta touch, but based on circumstances surrounding this, it has had to be this way. I have to stand by him and make sure everything goes well for him, his gf/wife-to-be, and my unborn nephew; right now, he sure needs all the support he can get.

That's all I can say for now. Please bear with me. I'll need all the positive thoughts and vibe (from some, that could mean prayers) I can garner right now. But I'll try as much as I can to be more available than I have.

Lotsa love

October 18, 2007



So I had to travel for a friend's dad's burial in Sobe in Owan-East (abi is it West) LGA of Edo State, Nigeria....West Africa! It was quite the trip! I grew travel sick sha 'cos of the roads. The stretch of road once you pass Lokoja up till most of Akure is a death trap. On some other subject sha, this road trip experience and "Waltzing in Pain" will make me re-think making further road trips, even though I have a passion for them. As much as I can help it, I will have to save up and take my chances with the lightning bolts, virulent invisible demons and stray birds in the atmosphere.

I took a couple shots the way, mostly of jaw-dropping holes on the road, but to my chagrin, the pictures were missing, safe for a few. The few I have are also wack! But I'll put them up anyways, with short stories about them.


Before the burial later in the evening, we took a walk in the quiet town. Good enough, the roads are tarred but as my friend told me, the people are evil. Uh, my friend was worried himself. So much mystery surrounding his dad's death, so he feels we aren't safe from the 'evil people'. Eiiii, I don die o! Anyways, precautions will be taken e.g. eat outside and away from familiar territory, don't accept edible 'offers' from even 'family' let alone strangers, don't get too friendly, and countless other stuff. Needless to say, my body shrank as I switched from already paranoid to super-paranoid-mode.

What do I know? Well, I found the entrance to a shrine and the accompanying sign. I fired off and was warned not to attract attention. Hmmm, mogbe o! Anyway, I have the image below as a consolation prize.

*Ogun Shrine (Why'd I wanna call there FOR MY SICKNESS, PROBLEM ETC?)

Mission altered...(proceed with 'caution')

After the burial, we had to ransack the dead man's room. I found myself a solid "IMI Timberwolf" with some mercenary's mask (this will come in handy for the rest of my stay). I donned it and took a pose with it.

*Me sporting my weapon

To continue our clandestine activities and operate with maximum precaution with our secrecy maintained, I had to don the mercenary mask for some grub at an 'undisclosed location'.


During one of our raids, we uncovered a lot of weapons cache and we were able to recover one of the computers being used for communications. Pictures of our weapons We've been able to intercept a lot of enemy communication and as I type this, we have stealthily routed all communications to a third-party field office where details such as source and destination enemy camps will be eventually unscrambled and further 'missions' will be carried out. These is are missions I cannot disclose again, because of their sensitivity.

*Specimen of impounded computer

I left Sobe with so much dread, in expectation of the poor road conditions en route back to Abuja. Still, we needed to keep an eye on the road for 'the enemy'. I lost a very important shot which still pains me. Anyway, it's about this very huge trailer that ran off the road into a roadside building. Roughly 20 lives were lost. It's so unfortunate! Two cars were squeezed underneath, bashed beyond recognition. Saw some bloodstains on the road.

The accident caused serious traffic congestion on Lokoja-Abuja 'freeway'.

*Traffic on 'freeway'

*Overloaded bus in traffic

We gave one of the goons a hot pursuit. He didn't know we've caught up with him, so he took some time taking a piss while we caught up with him and arrested him.


*The mercenaries

*Ze End!



I'd be back with a little post, but to keep you guys listening to a song I've had on repeat for quite the while now.

I love Staind. I can't say it enough. This is one of my favorite songs by the band. And may I say they are my favorite? This particular song's first verse says a lot about what's been happening to me lately, so I thought I'd share.

Notice how the guitar's doing that guy there! I love this!

\\So Far Away

\\So Far Away

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping

Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here its so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing ok
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping


I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me


P.S.: Oh yeah, welcome back, SimplyGorgeous. Hope you brought back some oyoyo! I missed you o!

October 5, 2007


TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY: "I do; Yes; or Maybe"

The rates at which marriages fail is alarming. What can make someone start thinking of divorce on the wedding night? It's soo absurd. And usually it's not just people who do not know each other. These are people who have, most likely, slept with each other and spent some intimate time together, now to start acting like they just or never met each other before is unbecoming. 'How can that be?' you may ask. Well, I've come up with something:

A 'maybe' answer should be introduced and acceptable in the case where the marriage officiator asks the usual "...agree to have and to hold, till death do you part?" question. Instead of saying, I-do or yes, the bride and groom should be allowed to say 'maybe' afterwards. Of course, this should not be shocking because the couple should have agreed to this before they decide to take it to the altar. And if possible, the marriage officiator should have been debriefed prior to his officiating to expect a 'maybe' answer from either the bride or groom, after the latter group would have given much thought to the implications of the decision they are about to make and step they are both about to take. I will explain myself.

Those who argue that it's either yes or no, the "Pro-I-Do" group postulate that saying, Yes or I-do serves as a sealant to the vow. It is like a reminder, a frontlet band so to speak, to keep each partner in check because it triggers in them the fact that they are married, thus making them more devoted.

And I argue, does maybe not also put some sort of 'seal' on the agreement? The numerous reported cases of infidelity shows that most culprits go into the act with their 9 senses. These are individuals who have said I-do or yes to the marriage officiator's earlier mentioned line. So saying I-do or Yes does not guarantee a 'happily ever after'.

On the other hand, the maybe answer will make both parties involved aware of their imperfection and thus they'd endeavor to stay the course. The human mind, though, is deceptive and I'm sure if the maybe line were to be in place, a lot of people will take advantage and say 'at least I never committed myself...remember I said 'maybe'?' Excuse for loose conduct.

My premise is based on the case that a successful marriage does not depend on whether either the man or woman said 'yes, I do, or maybe' on their wedding day. Rather, it is based on commitment and honesty.
Just as couples who say Yes or I do strive to make things up to each other when the need arises, thus working towards an binding marriage, so can those who say maybe after their vows, on D-day. They can channel their energies into transforming their 'maybes' into full-fledged 'yeses'. I am a strong advocate of being faithful to one's marriage mate and making things work. The 'maybe-peeps' should be given a chance to prove themselves, instead of believing that they will not follow through.

Further, instead of people going blindly into marriage, or going in with deception, or worse still with a silent maybe, knowing they aren't ready to stick to their guns, thru thick and thin, they can take a chance on going in with a maybe and then work to make it a yes, and so forth. In essence, there'd be no reason to be bored in marriage, with the reminder that you have work to do; a sense of duty. If I have my way, I'd say maybe, cos you can never be 100% sure. Or, can you?

What do you guys think? 'Maybe' I'd look back years later and ask myself where I woke the day I wrote this. Or...maybe not. :)

New Pet?

I think I have a new pet...I think! I'm calling her Cinder; she's a stray cat that found its way into the plenum area in the kitchen and has since made itself comfortable. I climbed on a ladder, peeked in and found its blue-green eyes glowing in the dark. Since it's discovery, mom has been terrified and I fear for Cinder's fate. It's going to be suicidal bringing it into the house at this stage. For now, I'll just make do smuggling some leftovers to it up there.

I've always wanted a cat for a pet. I prefer a cat to a dog 'cos it will always remain portable. Pups would grow into large dogs that, unless I castrate him or 'sterilize' her, it'd either poke or be poked. I can't afford the mess. But cats? Depending on the breed, they can only grow more weighty, but more cuddly. I love they way they mew, lick their paws and snuggle up close, purring. Cats are like girlfriends, only difference is, you can't make out with it (at least not for me).

I have read a lot of stories where someone saved a pet and both the savior and the saved end up bonding so well, forging a closeness akin to a male-female relationship. Again, I'm not talking bestiality here. Just, a simple, corny relationship where you find yourself talking to your pet on return from a trip out, like I found myself doing
yesterday evening, as I walked into the kitchen to get supper:

Me: up there? Meeeoooowwh! *knocking the ceiling board*

Cinder: Meeeooww.....meeew...

But it's up there and all I can do is to keep being nice to it, till it probably leaves some day, or as I picture it, bring it in?

Or in the more ideal scenario, as I picture it to be:

*I unlock the main door as I get home from work...anywhere*

Me: Hey, Ciiinddiiii...Are you there?

Cinder: *purring loudly and rubbing at my feet* Meeeeewww...

Me: Ah, there you are! *bending over to pick it up*

Cinder: *purrrrrrrrrrrrs*

Me: Did you have a good day? Mine was pissy. The lady over at O'Neal's was such a grouch. She didn't pay attention to me...too much mayo on my burger. Here, I've got something for you

*I unwrap some meatballs and other orishirishi, placing it inside its litter. It licks my hand....*

Me: There you go...

Cinder: *lying on its back so I can rub its tummy, purrring out loud in approval*

Random Thoughts:

Does Nigeria engage in any form of espionage: political, military, economic or otherwise? At least, it is widely believed that most foreign embassies, consulates and diplomatic outposts are rigged full with spies. I wonder what Nigerian diplomats et al do at Nigerian embassies and consulates abroad. Or do they just hustle to get posted abroad in order to receive estacodes, churn out visas to all and sundry, host and attend diplomatic functions and get fat on their butts? I smell a lot of rotting and rotten fish lately and I don't see why we can't pay back in like. I won't go in to much details...those who should know would understand what I mean :-s ... Or maybe I shouldn't worry! Maybe I'm just overreacting and my imaginations are running wild, no thanks to Tom Clancy & John (Clamp) Sanford. *sighs*

Well, gotta run now. Enjoy your weekend, peeps and be easy, like Sunday morning :)

Post-Independence; Education in Nigeria

Post- Speak Up Nigeria

Hello, my fellow compatriots. Happy belated 47th independence anniversary to our dear Nigeria. It pains me that I could not be with you all, by putting up a D-Day post in commemoration of that grand occasion. Needless to say, the campaign went on smoothly and my fellow compatriots did a great job in helping our dear country feel loved and at the same time, not ignoring and bringing to the fore, a lot of issues that need addressing. I went through the letters submitted by contestants on the Speak Up Nigeria Campaign, amongst other personal posts on different blogs and I must say i got goosebumps, you know, good goosebumps, the type you get when something is just sooooo sweet. Butterflies twirled in my tummy as I read each of these auspicious messages. Congratulations Omotaylor on coming out as the winner of the competition. I am proud to be Nigerian. There are a lot of us out there who make us proud and if not for anything else, it helps divert attention from the ills plaguing our society, but directs positive energy toward looking for solutions to each and everyone of these national issues. No doubt, we are getting there. Baby steps is all that is needed but we surely will get there. Amen.

University Education

A lot has happened, personally and secularly and while most isn't funny, I try to ride through it. It's the spirit, eh? But in the midst of those events, I have been itching to air my views on this very disturbing issue. The issue in question is about (Turin) Tomi, the UniLag student who reportedly offed himself due to pressure from 'school' and all that went with it. The issue struck a wrong cord in me and I have been very bitter ever since. The suicide rate in Nigeria is not as much as countries such as Japan and there's a joke that Nigerians love life so much that they'd rather live with their head way in doodie than kill themselves. Yes, life is good, and a lot of us are good at handling stress. Whatever prompted this young man to take his life must have been so aggravating, and no doubt it was. I'm not saying schooling does not go with some measure of stress. Nothing good comes easy and all the pressures that go with meeting deadlines are part of what makes the effort worthwhile in the end, because it prepares one for the busy post-education life. What I'm talking about here is unnecessary stress from sadist lecturers. supervisors and people in positions of authority in our higher institutions. Stress that shouldn't be there in first place. Stress that one can and should avert.

Of course, (Turin) Tomi's suicide has not solved the issue and that is where my angst comes in. The underlying problem is still there and a lot of other students are out there going through the same shit, over and over. All the issues our older siblings go through replicates itself when the younger generation get into the educational system. If nothing is done, our kids would also be victims of the same anomaly. They will have to go through an issue they shouldn't have faced in the first place, simply because we have let these things slip through our hands unsolved.

A lot of people are discouraged because of all these. Our institutes of higher learning are looked at in askance, with dread. This is a malfunction and should be corrected because this fear skewers the intention for wanting to go into a university for education. Now the worry isn't just about how I would see myself through my schooling but also WHY DO I HAVE TO undergo such unnecessary rigors? The system in our universities is dysfunctional. Education is a right! Education should be enjoyable and every effort should be made to present things in this light. With the right educated minds running things, most maladies in society can be kept at a reasonable balance. But what happens when things are the opposite? Now I'm talking about where to get the right treatment. Does it mean my kid cannot be sure of a proper and enabling study environment if I cannot get him/her into Covenant, Babcock, Igbinedion or whatever other private universities are out there? Is the system in Federal & state universities so warped and frustrating that things cannot just be done the right way? Lecturers are expected to be good custodians, but why do they have to hurt students in their custody? Why do most of them choose to be sadists? The system in turn churns out students who are out on a vengeance. It is common to hear people saying they will not go through all of that mess for nothing. They will take out their anger on others who they find in subordinate positions. It's a vicious cycle!

A few lecturers I've spoken to say most students are unserious and they do not know why they are in school. Granted, he has a point! Just like there are a few good male and female lecturers in the school system, there are also serious-minded students out there. There's no justification for lobbing all students together as unserious, dishing out collective punishment. If there is an unserious child in your tutelage, approach him/her and take the necessary corrective measures, instead of maltreating everyone.

You hear lecturers telling students they are doomed to failure, without any reasonable point given as to such an eventuality. Students walk about in fear, attend classes in fear, take tests in fear, expect their results in fear. You cannot be confident in your ability because those who should be there to help you are willing to tap into this undue fret and take advantage.

Another reason why some students are scared of standing up in the face of this vice is this nonchalance on the part of lecturers towards their students' needs has been entrenched in the schools for a long time that it is hard to root it out. It is more like the mafia, some lecturers and students alike are known cultists, so it's a standoff. Who makes the first hit and does it right. Students are afraid to voice their concerns and when they do, it is never orderly; no dialog, just downright chaos. You hear of riots and the eventual shut down of schools for MONTHS. The lecturers shouldn't feel threatened or else they threaten your career future, if not life. So the cycle of fear gets passed down from one academic session to the other, from one graduating class to the next.

Fear is still the enemy. These bad lecturers thrive on the pretext that they are untouchables. Their corruption will keep going unchecked and they will keep getting fattened up in the expense of someone else' child. They know they can get away with being someone else's worst nightmare. But the problem is it shouldn't be in a school environment. As long as we are timid to speak up, there will be no way to act against seeing an end to this menace in our society.

When under attack, it is natural to run. But the problem is running away from the problem does not fix it, instead it's going to keep creeping on you, it will keep haunting you until it overtakes you. But when you find yourself cornered with nowhere else to run, and your attacker keeping up behind, unrelenting in his resolve to hurt you, you have to turn and face your attacker to fend him off, until he no longer poses a threat. That is how this issue should be tackled. This problem where lecturers ride roughshod, and feel they cannot be touched. That is so wrong!

I am not scared of anyone. I don't owe my existence to anyone. How many more would bleed, how many more would have to go the same way as Tomi before we say "No more!"? How many female students would have to lose their self-esteem by sleeping with the lecturers before we say "No More!". How many futures will have to be jeopardized and scarred before the people in the right places would be notified so they can take the right, long-lasting action against these injustices? Laide here mentioned that most of these lecturers have blogs so students can submit assignments online (good stuff). At the same time, there's the fear of repercussion for speaking out against any kind of misdemeanors, since the lecturers could find out which student is behind a particular blog and thus blackmail such student (bad stuff).

Nigerian youth are a tough lot. I believe if we want to do something, with the right attitude, it can be done. We are more informed now than our peers back in the late eighties. There is no need to suffer in silence. We are more motivated now because our eyes are open and we know our rights. It is about taking it. There is power in number. With a great majority of students taking up pickets in protest, or taking the necessary measures, things can be done right. We can start somewhere, no matter how small, or as the case may be, how big we accomplish. This is a big issue that has been malignantly extant for a long time now, and it still is a threat if not checked. There is no need pretending like this problem is not there just because you are not currently affected. Sooner or later, you would probably see yourself singing the blues ki'n se epe - (it's not a curse) - well, that is as long as you have a child, nephew, niece, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, mother, father studying/working or intending to do so in either of these shit holes we call our universities. Enough is enough! It is time to bring these guys to book! I'm quasi-part of the system, so I can only work from the outside. Those of you in the schools, there should be people you can talk to, so they'd get the word out and a first line of action can be thought out. If it's a picket protest, I'd be out with my tees, shots and sneakers sweating my butt off with y'all.

Students of UniLag, UI, Great Ife, OSU, Great UI, all Nigerian students out there, others used to be part or still are quasi-part of the system; do you read me?! Hola if you do!

Aluta, continua!

September 27, 2007

For Jaja

So you like the sunset? well, it just got done raining here in Abuja and was on my way outta this plantation when I saw this pretty scene, yolk-yellow sun rays. The sun can be seen setting in the horizon. I have a crappy phone, but I guess it's the the thought that counts, eh!? It was/is prettier than this, believe me.

Set 1

Set 2

September 21, 2007

Abuja... recent times!

I've been meaning to make a post on this, but since I started out commenting in reference to Chxta's recent post, partly talking about "Abuja", I feel it'd be good finishing it.

YES: Electricity really is bad. An office in Zone 3 has been operating with generator power, 24/7, for the past 1month. Go figure! They use a prepaid PHCN meter and yet they've been disconnected 'cos d owner of the building has some 'scores' to settle with PHCN

YES: MOST of the parks (green areas) are looking more bushy now. I won't take chances having a monitor lizard creep under my denim in the name of having some fresh air.

YES: Some places are beginning to record more okada activity than others. While some are legitimate motorbike owners, who use them for commuting, it's not surprising to see some who disguisedly pick people, just to get some fuel money. When u accost them, he says he knows his passenger and he's just helping him to his destination.

Make I no lie, I don do am one of those days wey money finish for my hand for Garki. I needed to get to Berger and god send one guy like dat. I whistle, d guy pull over, I tell am wetin dey, he say no wahala...I enter, end of story

YES: Water scarce no be small. Water board keeps having some bad reservoir being treated. SEE: Electricity. Some things can't work without power.

YES: The STREET AND TRAFFIC LIGHTS on Ahmadu Bello way (from Banex Junction to Apo side, imagine the distance) ARE NOT WORKING. I was on that road Tuesday night, so this is no secondhand tale. Not to talk of countless others within Wuse II, Maitama etc. It's not odd to see "Yellow Fever" abi na MotoPol dem de call them now, manning major traffic intersections, directing traffic and attending to accident scenes, like paramedics

YES: More on the traffic situation the Motor Police (MotoPol), Federal Road Safety Corps (FRSC) and Vehicle Inspection Officers (VIO) are everywhere molesting car owners & car users. You find them at about every nook and cranny, usually by heavy traffic junctions, lying like predators in wait of their prey. And is it only me or are all the traffic lights in Abuja suddenly gone bad? Or is it the no-power situation that has caused this to be so?

- Instead of ensuring smooth flow of traffic when the traffic lights aren't working, some times, they just sit at the corners waiting for motorists to break traffic rules, and then they jump out to flag the driver off the road. They quote some 'laws', then they fine u or impound your vehicle. You are expected to go to their office to claim your car. Unless u do an on-the-spot "settling".

- Some times, when the traffic lights are bad (which now appears to be almost every time, safe for a few places), they wouldn't control traffic. But when there's a bang from two vehicles colliding. Out they come and then you hear the 'laws' being invoked again and the next thing, yeah, your car gets impounded and you are expected to go to their office to claim your car. Unless u do an on-the-spot "settling"

- The FRSC & VIO would readily nail you as they keep an eye on safety belt use, for both front sitters (driver and frontseat passenger). Once you don't have the belts in place, you're pwnd. Other reasons to get in trouble with these two groups: broken/cracked headlamps & windshield, lack of fire extinguishers (on extreme cases, an axe) and some other 'vague' things I can't remember now. Consistent drivers would know better...

On safety belts: Just this afternoon, I was absent-minded as I stepped in to the cab and got on the way to Garki. I forgot to secure the belt and buried my face in the reading material I had on me. Just by the Hilton, the driver was doing this Simon Templar move when suddenly the car swerved twice, sharply. Before I could say "snickers bar", I had to stop myself from lounging headlong into the windshield. If I had my belt strapped over my shoulder, the jerk wouldn't have been that bad.

So see, it's good to wear your belts...never forget to do that, first things first, as you are about to move the car.

...All in all, the skies here are still blue, the sun is shining and burning brightly, the beer's still cold and the peppersoup and suya still burn sharply in the mouth.

Have a lovely weekend all.

Speak Up Nigeria


From the Nigerian LightHouse team comes another progressive initiative: the Speak Up Nigeria Campaign. This campaign is an avenue for Nigerians to air their opinions, make suggestions et al, on issues bordering around Nigeria's existence and the challenges that go with nation building.

Every individual within our borders have one or more things to say about how stuff works in this country. There are a lot of voices out there, those that do not leave the four corners of a beer parlor, at the newspaper stand, in the classroom, living rooms...almost everywhere! Voices of change that go unheard.

The Speak Up Nigeria Campaign creates an opening for passionate individuals to send a message to their beloved country. Efforts are being made within the country to get proper representation for Nigerians; and in this digital age, the Nigerian Lighthouse team goes one step further in promoting the nation's interests using technology and other tools out there, such as the internet. You want to be heard? Then all you need do is:


Write a message to Nigeria. Whatever it is you have ever wanted to say. Your message can be long or short, funny or serious. Just send a message to your country on its day of Independence. The top 5 messages will be selected by the Nigerian Lighthouse Team and voted upon by the Nigerian blogger community. The best message will receive an IPOD NANO and the winner will be announced on October 1st.

Only one message per participant is allowed, so make it a good one! Send your message to and make the subject ‘MESSAGE’.


All messages must be submitted by midnight (US Eastern time) on Saturday, September 29th.


1. One entry per participant.

2. The winning post will become the property of Nigerian Lighthouse.

3. All participants must provide their email address.

4. The winner may be asked to provide their name and address to receive their prize.

The Nigerian Proclamation turned out to be a successful drive, getting some attention on the BBC during the 2007 election period. We are confident that the Speak Up Nigeria project will get similar, if not more publicity. The Speak Up Nigeria campaign coincides with Nigeria's 47th Independence Anniversary on October 1st and has been decided as the right time to also commemorate Nigerian Lighthouse’s inception. This is an attempt to encourage and foster unity amongst Nigerians.

For more information on the Speak Up Nigeria Campaign and similar futuristic projects, bookmark:

* Nigerian Lighthouse


* Speak Up Nigeria
* Nigerian Proclamation

September 10, 2007

This and That


Weekend was okay, especially Saturday. Practically stayed in bed till three pee-em cos it was raining all day. Had breakfast and lunch in bed. It hasn't happened in a while. The joys of having a woman in the house. Big sis took good care of me, etc etc

I've found a new love in John Saul! Dude got me gridlock'd on my bed all Saturday as I read from where I'd stopped days go to finish, the page turner "Black Creek Crossing". Just my type of bloodcurdling book! There is humor even in the place you least expect to find it.

The book starts with a gruesome murder carried out in the house at Black Creek Crossing and then the story goes on to bring in the girl whom she and her family moved into the same haunted house in another part of town. Enter the scene: a boy, about the same age as Angel. He is a photo enthusiast. He always had an élan for the kind of spookiness he felt from taking pictures of the house. Both kids are treated as outcasts in the schools they attended - the girl from where she moved from and meeting the boy in their new school. The two kids were brought together by the same "weirdness" that surrounded their lives. No one liked them in school, they were punked and bullied by the rest of the highly socialized students. Still, the other kids wouldn't stop at giving them a helluva run in school. Even when these two chose to be friends, the other kids still found something to taunt them about.

Then the part of the mystery shrouding the house the girl moved in to. The stories about the murder in the house and ghosts of the building's former inhabitants lurking about. The two lads set out to find out more about the past of those who'd lived in the house and all that went with that. In the process, they uncovered a lot of stuff, with witchcraft at the fore of their discovery. Long story short, they mastered basics of Wicca, got back at their school tormentors, killed both their parents and in the end they took their lives. Sounds simplistic but the thing is John Saul knew how to raise my furs from his storytelling. I'm eyeing four other titles:

*The Manhattan Hunt Club
* Midnight Voices
*Black Lightning

Next stop, currently reading: Blind Run

The Diaspora

The other day a friend of a friend of one of a member of the "League of Boys" joined us for a drink. As the night wore on, with more bottles poured and the 'spirit' taking its toll, the arguments shifted from one banter to the other. Then the external body from the group became the butt of the jokes 'cos he just returned from Yanki. One of the boys has no qualms saying $#!+... He started yarning about how our friend from Yanki is a butt-kisser in the white man's land and says all sortsa nasty stuff about Naijas living abroad. I got incensed and our argument just gave me an idea for a post about letting the guys abroad be.

I mean, give me a break, really! Back here at home, there is no incentive for wanting to stick around. A lot of the youths are agitating to run away at the next opportunity that shows up! They'd rather stick their necks out there and kiss ass than be in Naija doing the same, they'd rather work their butts off out there, doing all the jobs no one else would take, than come here and face the mismanagement, agro, corruption and what have u! To some extent, one's gotta be kissing ass for good in terms of something to show for it in terms of living conditions. Cleaners out there, though they might living space with other people, but the system and infrastructure functions and just 'cos of this they don't mind sticking their butts out there, against the odds. Of course, a lot of them steel themselves against the harsh treatments they'd receive while trying to get past the immigration officials in their destination country. They know they'd be hunted down, but they still give up whatever peanuts they have here, just to get out.

A majority of Naijas out there aren't there out of will any more than they have a control over going-ons back home. It's just 'cos they got born in a foreign country: most of these Nigerians are born into households where their parents got job transfers and had to move with their families from way back. In a way, they established a niche there and raised families. Others are born into families of immigrants who sought for greener pastures. Of course, the kid wouldn't just grow up and look himself in the mirror while taking a dump and say, my color isn't of the majority here, I want to go back home and fix myself up. Nope! There has to be some sort of connection to their background.

Now a lot of immigrants who leave the shores of Naija after having had it bad at home before they managed to scale through immigration would want to relinquish most of what they've left behind: the bad memory, culture etc. So it'd be hard for such ones to want to talk about their homeland as often as it should've been done under ideal circumstances, not even to friends and mayhap kids, when they have them there. There's a sharp contrast between this group and those who legally immigrate and want to genuinely contribute to their new country. There are Nigerians out there who make us proud...a lot of these do come home and pitch in where they can. These are commendable acts.

Back here, at home, there's still a lot of sycophancy. Most Naijas will rather kiss an oyimbo's ass than do it to/for their fellow Naija. You know, psychologically it makes a lot of difference. It hits harder being hurt by an 'insider', someone you'd call a 'brother', than from someone on the outside. So in small office settings, project teams the 'yessirmasir' keeps reverberating off the office walls. Peeps wanna belong and get accepted by the oyimbos who don't really give a rat's ass about them, anyways. They just wanna make their monies and leave.

I'm not in anyway endorsing the mentality of "checking out". I'm not saying either that we'd be nasty to foreigners around us, either within or outside our borders. I'm just saying sticking around here doesn't make us any more patriots than those who are away for the right reasons.

I think i need to get a Coke.

September 3, 2007



I'm gonna miss August, for its statistics and in memory. Duh, it's my birth month and this year, I discovered I know more "August-babies": well basically, new friends and people from the past that I had to reconnect more with at this time.

1. My most recent niece
2. One girl like that, from a project team
3. A friend from the past (Just reconnected)
4. A new friend, from another friend.

In August, it hit 6 years since grandma was buried. That year was my first visit to the hometown and it was fun. Grandma died some three months after that visit.

In August, a lot of things I won't bother going into happened that I'd categorize as crazy-random. August 2007 will remain in my infamy.


I can't find a draft to my intended post, so I'll just upload some random pics taken (not the best, just from a fuzzy night). There's some stories behind each incident, but I'm too pissed now to type 'em up:


Suya (with all the fire, one would wonder if there'd be any charred meat left. Couldn't get closer cos of d smoke)

He-Goat (I dunno how old this animal is but it stinks up the whole place, beside this office I go in to work in Maitama).

Ijekuje (Random lunch)

Horny sketch

Area 11 (Beside Grand Mirage...Port Harcourt Cresc. By the way why is Ibiza and The Grand Mirage with all that goes with it have to be on "Port Harcourt" crescent? Do I see a trend here with Port Harcourt!? :) )

Why do people type "common" instead of "c'mon" or "come on"?

Why do people type "your" instead of "you're"?

Why do people type "quiet" instead of "quite"?

And these aren't just mistypes, they are like part of every day conversation!!!

I'd brb...

*seethes away*

August 27, 2007



So I awoke this morning at a quarter to eight a.m. I didn't know it was that far into the morning already 'cos it's been raining from late at night. I didn't even know when dad left for his trip this morning. So I laid back in bed, played some music and munched on some candy, trying to wait it off, but as it is, 9am there's no sign the rain is abating. Maybe the mistake I made was not getting up to shower and do other "get-ready" stuff, so I can leave when I wish. Instead, when I saw it wouldn't stop raining at 9, I started heating bath water and doing all the other stuff. 9:30, it's still raining hard on the roof, I pick up my umbrella and rucksack then walked outta the house.

Rode a bike to the bus stop, the streets are wet and of course muddy. Life in the 'burbs! Any how sha, no much vehicles on the road. I wondered how many people are like damning the consequences at that moment, snuggling their pillows or loved ones in bed. I fought the thought of regret from being out there in that cold weather. I miss my bed and the smell of my room, Snooky and Snookum lying idly in bed till I return, the jar of Chocolate spread beside my pillow, always there to console me when I'm feeling down. Aaarrgh, I tried to I walked towards the long bus, popularly called "El Rufai bus". It's the only one around headed for Abuja city at the moment, and I wouldn't waste time messing up my boots waiting for a car to pull over, so I jumped in. Looking about in the car, I saw faces numb from the cold sitting at the backseat already. I paid and then took a window seat. I hate it when someone else controls my access to fresh air when I'm going to be riding for over >10-20mins. I took out "Nighttime is my time" (which by the way is a frigging good thriller) from my carry-on and started reading, while waiting for the driver to move. Some dude just bumbles in behind with water dripping from his raincoats. I could've cared less if he didn't decide to sit beside me and grinning at me. I'm like, "Hey, you sure are making me feel warm..." and he's like, "Ok, sorry o! Oloyibo" He gets up, takes off the raincoats and resumes his grinning. I could see him from the side of my face. He takes his seat again and decides to look interestingly into my book, sighing "hmmmm, hmmm" every now and then. He then decides to make conversation when he noticed I was getting pissed and distracted. So I looked up and he's like, "Hmmm, what book is this?" I turned the back cover to him, waited long enough for him to have seen the title. When I try to turn it back and resume reading, he'd be like, "wait, wait, wait first..." He did it like thrice. Sheeesh, man, I feel like jumping u right about now just that with his height and the girth of his hands, I don't stand a chance. Maybe a kick in the groin will fix him...? Next thing he says, " it in volumes? Which volume is this one, 1, 2 or 3?" I'm like, it's just a novel, maaaan. Now if you can suck your thumb and let me be? No, I didn't say that sha. Maybe he could read minds, he did let me be till I got off the bus. Public transport self na wa.

I got to the client's site, 1hr 30mins late. Ho hum, fire me! Nah, I know you wouldn't even think it. You know you need me, your system will fail without me here and it'd take you months to recover...ego trip, ego boost, yada yada. Before I could settle down to work, the talk from last week about a laptop getting filched turned out true. So it happens that everyone that came within that building between the last day the laptop user was around, saw and used his laptop (Tuesday) and when it was discovered missing, after his trip (Friday) have to make some sort of statement at the police station. WT...? In the light drizzles, we were all packed into a jeep and rode into the Maitama Police station. At the entrance to the station, the faces seen look hungry and angry. One of them had this, 'Una don bring us chop' thing going, by the smirk on his face, perhaps smiling inwardly at the thought of more money-making from the stream of culprits, "bailers" and the sorts streaming in to the premises. All my life, up till that moment this morning I've never had to go into a police station. I only remember going in with a friend who went to pick up his car. He doesn't have a parking space in his crib, but decides to always park his car at the Police station. The building looked so unkempt on the inside. Safe for the signpost at the entrance, it looked like an abandoned structure where some vagrants put up temporarily at night. Such a huge contrast from the surrounding area, with the beautiful buildings in Maitama looming over with huge columns, colonnades.

As we stepped inside the building, I felt this whole elementary school scene buildup in my head. The whole corridors messy with water from the roof spilling inside, and feet splish-splashing as they walk over the puddle. Everyone was making small-talk, drinking tea or just trying to dry off their uniform. The rain touched lives this morning!
We were ushered into this room where stacks of "Office Flat File" folders spewed out paper brown from dust at the top of the shelves. I saw a sign somewhere that I couldn't be arsed to read, but I still managed a glance say that "...The Police is Your friend. Bail is free" line. There were "criminals" seated in for some sort of "hearing" and before I could say, "Star Spangled Banner", an officer of some sort hollered that they be taken back to their cells till "someone" who apparently isn't there "provides something" shows up. New customers have arrived, it seems. They were filed and hustled out of the room.

As we took our seats, a lady officer came in and shouted to the officer-in-charge:

Lady Officer: Oga, na dem be dis o!
Officer-In-Charge: Ehen, una welcome. Dem say una steal laptop...

WTH? I had to try to keep a straight face. It felt so real, u know, those whole storylines from the Naija home movies. Pidgin English, uncouth and unprofessional looking officers, dressed hagardly.

Lady Officer: Oya, I wan share paper so una go write una statements. Na who no sabi write here? Na who no sabi write English? All of una sabi write?

She raises her voice as she kept making this announcement. Before she could embarrass herself some more, one "big oga" from a nearby office walks in with a frown and asks "what's going on here?" They give him a background of "these people" and he asks us into his office. In retrospect, I liked his "cut the crap" approach cos after some short introduction, he was able to narrow down his search to some "suspects" and my colleagues and I were asked to leave. For the moment, we are not "case material". I wouldn't be surprised if I'm called back for some reason sha, since I handle most of the hardware there.

What a way to start the day, not after I felt some reluctance to work self...

Barry White

I listened to my "Ultimate Barry White Collection" this weekend and being alone didn't just help. It stung inside me like frostbite, you know that numb feeling on the hand, after spending hours in very low temperatures. That's how it felt. You know, Barry sure has a way with words and his voice is soothing. I'm no lady nor am I trannie, but I know it'd have some wonderful, tummy-churning effect on them ladies, say, you are lying in bed with him and he's talking dirty or whispering those sweet-nothings in your ear, cooing warm air in your ear. *goosebumps* You know what I mean? YEAH. But thinking about it, with all those charm and allure in his personality and music, I wonder how often Barry got it. I mean, no offense to anyone really, i mean like really, and when I say really, I mean really: Not that he was that overweight and I know people who are much bigger than he is who get it and still get it, but my question is did he get it as often and as much as he deserves? Not that I should care, but it's just something that kept roaming in my solitary mind this past weekend as I sat down and listened to his songs. He probably got enough before he died sha and maybe he made the lady/woman or ladies/women happy.

These are the words to the one song I had on repeat most of the time. Like some of my friends say, it's a good baby-making song. Enjoy!

I’m Gonna Love You Just A Little More, Baby

It feels so good
You lying here next to me
Oh, what a groove
You have no idea how it feels
My hands just won’t keep still
I love you, baby
Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you
I just wanna hold you
Run my fingers through your hair
Outta sight
Uh-huh, right there, you like it like that
Come here, closer, close
Oh, baby
Oh, baby

Give it up, ain’t no use
I can help myself if I’d wanted to
I’m hung up, no doubt
I’m so in love with you, for me there’s no way out

‘Cause deeper and deeper
In love with you I’m falling
Sweeter and sweeter
Your tender words of love keeps calling

Eager and eager, yeah
To feel your lips upon my face
Please her and please her
Any time or any place

I’m gonna love you, love you, love you just a little more, baby
I’m gonna need you, need you, need you every day
I’m gonna want you, want you, want you in every way

Make no mistake for I’ll hold back knowin’
This time it looks like lover is here to stay
As long as I shall live
I’ll give you all I have and all I have to give

‘Cause please her and please her
Any time or any place
Eager and eager
To feel your sweet lips on my face

Deeper and deeper
In love with you I’m falling, yeah
Sweeter and sweeter
Your tender words of love keeps calling

I’m gonna love you, love you, love you just a little more, baby
I’m gonna need you, need you, need you every day
I’m gonna want you, want you, want you in every way


August 17, 2007

Let's Do It

DISCLAIMER: This is a spur of the moment post, so try and connect the loose ends.

I am Nigerian! From my childhood, there's been an endless bombardment of fear, which I won't bother listing here. But from those of us who grew up in the traditional family, you can identify with the whole conservatism. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being unaccepted. Fear of failure. Fear of this, fear of that. Most of our lives has been hijacked by fear and it impedes progress. But now, things are taking shape as I try to fight these traits I find unacceptable and unrealistic in step with the times.

As a people, unfortunately, that inborn fear is almost taking an intrinsic feature in our lives. It shows its ugly head more often in decisions we make. Just like any other proud Nigerian out there, I will love to see this country reach its full potential and exceed it. Giant of Africa this, economic/financial hub of Africa that, the efforts have to start somewhere. Just read this interesting and provocative article by Chxta and all that went with it. Funny how people tend to misread intentions (as is obvious by talkbacks to that post), but I'm not going to assail any of the opinions therein, here. The thing is efforts need to be collective. There's power in numbers. While there is definitely going to be differing opinions on how to get us "there", synergy is needed, not bad-talking.

I tend to be a groupie and while that word carries some negative nuances there is nothing wrong with trying to get things done with the help of others. At the same time, it is wrong trying to defer things to other people, to get the work done for you. That attitude doesn't help with progress. And that is another attitude prevalent in our society, trying to shirk responsibility. Why should I hurt myself and let others have the fun? You know, poke the task with a stick from a safe distance, no need dirtying my hands. In the end, we'd all celebrate the success. Now when there's success, we see people trying to take credit for what isn't rightfully theirs. That attitude does not help! I am not immune to this, some times, on some matters. It is a fight between what I am and what I am trying to be and striving to be it. When there's failure, I take responsibility. It's hard to be brutally honest, but how many people out there are willing to take the smear, even if it is temporal and would help make things better in the long run?

It takes time and an overall overhaul of our thought process and actions. Education is important (duh). Sacrifices HAVE TO be made. For those who have already taken up their lance and shield. Kudos, and way to go! And for the rest who are struggling, but are yet to be on the front line, but are making every effort to be useful and contribute meaningfully (in this category I fall in), may we muster enough gumption for what lies ahead. It would not be easy, but with unity and a common goal, we can get ourselves there. No need trying to outdo the other person or try to tear down his efforts. Where he is lacking, you try to help, but at the same time you watch your back so you don't break while helping.

A great number of Nigerians don't think. And when they eventually think, they are afraid of what the result of such thinking will mean for them. They'd rather deal with the status quo, no matter how bad it is. And still, even when the change does come, there will be a lot of bad-talking and resistance to change. It's good to criticize, but constructive criticism is what helps. "Patching up" will not help! It is time to "fix it", it is time to push for change. As Catty said in one of her posts, "...they are too busy with the business of surviving." There's too much struggling to do trying to get food on the table, to even have any time to bother about being creative. It's a vicious cycle! Of course it isn't an enabling environment, but there's no reason to despair or balk. There's much word around that motivates on "what to do", now there should be a shift to "time to do", which is NOW.

I'm a groupie and I'm game for change. I'm ready to do what it takes to help build a life for my society, myself, and my unborn loved ones. Let's do it!

A lovely weekend to y'all.

August 14, 2007


God IS Love
God wants the best for us
God loves us
God gave us life
God gave us freewill
God wants us to be happy
God is jealous
God wants us to love Him
God wants us to do His will
God wants us to use our "freewill", pleasing Him
God is gonna punish us for misusing our "freewill"
If we don't use our "freewill" as God pleases, then we are gonna get pwnd
Now how "free" is this "freewill"?
We shouldn't question His decisions and sense of justice, right?
Just a thought...

August 6, 2007


So I'm a year older today. Boy, it begins to get scary after a while. I've been stuck in this joint since a.m. Work trynna kill the joy of the day, but I'll resist soon and go have lunch/dinner with my friends. They are hosting me, so I can't say no!

Just a short one- for me!

By the way, I saw a lady this weekend and she had this sexy top on, which read, "My boyfriend is out of town". What should I have done? If I remember, well enough, I just gawked and perhaps I never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.

"From this moment, on"

Every time i watch this video, I get goosebumps. It's so annoyingly sweet. Enjoy!

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August 2, 2007


In my blues the other day, my thoughts wavered in between different stages of my childhood. I'll talk about two incidents that came to mind, randomly. Since my page has been begging for an update and it is early August, heck, my month, I just thot I'd write something. Warning: This is boring so if you don't want to end up pulling your hairs off your scalp, just hit the "x" button, it's the first button at the top of this screen (window). Or rather, click the next available hyperlink [DO NOT CLICK, like, really] .

So, here goes:


I created a shelter for myself as I grew on the Lagos mainland. While I never got to understand why the class distinction at that early age. But I knew one thing: most kids had what I didn't own. I protected myself, in my way, something that's stil part of me hitherto. Back in elementary (primary) school, I remember this ajebota kid, Bode. He gets chauffeured to school every morning, with his mom sitting by his side. As he gets out of the car, his mom leaves him with a food flask and a parting hug. Bode and I rarely talk about academics, it was like a routine: He comes in every morning, sits down and eats his breakfast in class. The teachers knew him so there's no punishment for eating in class. Next thing I turn to his direction and he motions me with his head, I walk over and sit by him, open his flask and gobble down the leftovers. The kid seemed to be anorexic cos really it doesn't look like I had "leftovers", he barely touches his food so I eat the bulk of it. Even after all the warnings I get from home about witchcraft transfers, I could resist Bode's meal pack. And Bode didn't look like no ogbanje kid. Na correct boti and at that age I knew I was safe. After the meal, we settled down to read comics he smuggled out of home: Green Latern Comics, The Incredible Hulk et al. Like a planned show, I return to my seat without any remorse from either of us. Kids are meant to be that way, no hard feelings. I don't even get to play with Bode during the lunch break in school. Heck, I couldn't tell where he usually is. All I could remember is that he sits in solitude during those times. Not like he cares either. The next day, we'd resume our schedule. It was fun while it lasted. I guess his parents wanted him to mix up with the local kids so they probably enrolled him for just a term. Bode and I parted without any close bond whatsoever. It was just the food and comics, no sense of attachment. I guess we weren't meant to be friends for that long. He left just as he came in to my life - the transience of innocence.

Face me, I Face You

You know those compounds that feel like barracks? You have it almost everywhere on Lagos mainland, except for some housing estates in places like 'lere, Ikeja and the like. Sha, except for the eldest bro who got born in a bush somewhere in Delta state during the Nigeria civil war, dad and mom rolled out the rest of us in an apartment somewhere in Shomolu. As grown ups, we sit down together sometimes and recount those days. Every one in that building had a nickname. The only four characters I can remember from that experience are:

1. Iya Ewe: The woman who sells ewa olo'mi and amala at the entrance of the building, with smoke from her activities coating the whole building in a grimy black, no kidding. You could touch the wall outside and your palm will be like you soaked it in black paint.

2. Jato: The alfa (abi is it alufa) that lives in the room, at the extreme of the building. I never knew the effect of penis meeting vagina at the time, but I knew something was amiss with the amount of female traffic in and out of his room PLUS he's never the friend of the older gossip folk in the compound. There's always a reason for fights every Saturday. Oh, I remember also, my big bro watches football in his room, to the chagrin of my parents, of course.

4. Alhaji: He's a closet herbalist. Gets all sort of visitors coming in to his room everyday for "help". He buys loads of weird things to make concoctions: live chameleon, crocodile egg, black soap, turtle, snails, shells, eggs of different creatures, he burns incense at night .

3. Baba Liyadi: A quick run down of what the compound looks like: In the toilet, kitchen and loo, you could hear people walking past the street behind, talking. It is an open house. No kidding, there was no drainage there, it was 1 general loo and 1 general bathroom for 15+ tenants (15 rooms of course, but counting heads in each room; families [father, mother & children], bachelors with their hobo friends, you know what I'm talking).

Bath water and other dirty water flows out of this gaping hole on the wall, at the lower part of the bathroom. The other disposal alternative was the big open gutter that runs through most streets in Lagos, in front of the building. People would have to carry the whole mess through the main building's passage until they reach the outside gutter and pour. This is the only one time in my lifetime, up till now that I ever saw my dad in fighting mood. It wasn't a funny sight cos I was scared shitless, but my dad held his ground. Baba Liyadi is usually in and out of the police cell and the period the scuffled happened, gossip had it that he's been in the cell for 1 week +, so he was a free but still frustrated man. What caused the fight? As the story goes:

Dad was in the bathroom. Iya Liyadi did her dishes and poured the dirty water into the bathroom floor, fully aware someone was having a bath at the time. So this was seen as a deliberate act by popsi.

[*-splash-* dirty water from Iya Liyadi's dishes flows into the bathroom]
Dad: Who is that crazy person that poured this water? Didn't you realize someone is bathing?
Iya Liyadi: Ehn? Who are you calling "crazy person"? Woo, ogbodo jade o! Woo, waa ro go [Look, you'd better not come out, you'd see "hell-glory"] *hiss*, useless man!

Popsi stormed out of the bathroom, walking straight into the bait. Before he could reach Iya Liyadi, cursing, Baba Liyadi jumped out of his room into action, seizing my dad by the neck. Dad had his towel by his waist, totally taken unawares but he managed to resist. He managed to knock Baba Liyadi on the tummy, with the man almost keeling over. Then the neighbors came to the rescue. To cut the whole shindig short, Baba Liyadi took the case to the Police and somehow, it was resolved sha. Both heads of families became good friends after that incident.

The only reason we left that place was 'cos of the Local Government Council's quit notice to all the residents of the building. Mom teases dad about it, a lot! Like most houses on the mainland, there's no plan whatsoever for erecting them, this house doesn't fall short. The building was actually built on a road and then there was X, you know, that huge, red X mark that the civil authorities mark on disapproved buildings. We had to move on short notice, I think a week or two before the demolition. No, not really a demolition, it was more of a re-structuring, cos it was the fencing that got trimmed, to allow passage for the road. Other than that, I think the building still de kampe.

No. 30, Olaleye Street, Shomolu, Lagos.
Landmarks: The Shomolu central mosque and the Local Government Council, both on Durosimi str.

I never went back to that place since we moved, not like it mattered. Dad and mom lived there, before we also came to the world - 30 years, accumulated.

So just a run down of what it is like to live in a "face me, I face you" apartment. Those of us who were privileged to grow up in such hard-knock environment have a lot to share:

a. Bathroom: You wake up early in the morning before the rush hour period of 7-8am, where about everyone else in the house (students and workers alike) are struggling to use the 1 and only bathroom and toilet. Sundays are worst depending on where you live, cos almost everyone is getting ready to attend morning service. A lot of the time, you have to queue to bath and you won't hesitate to outsmart the next guy who's waiting to do the same, but slacks.

When you use the bathroom next after some people, you'd find soap lather on the wall and sometimes, uh, on the floor, phlegm that wouldn't be carried off by the running water.

b. Kitchen: Your neighbor knows when it's just kpomo your wife is using for your soup, or crayfish. Whether or not you guys have rice on the weekend. Some houses don't have kitchens, so your corridor is converted into a mini kitchen. As you pass Mr. Simeon's door mount, you perceive rice & stew, Mama Aboy is making Ofe achi with okporoko etc. At any given time, you know what your neighbor is gonna have for supper or their daily/weekly meal cycle.

c. Toilet: I lost count of how many times I've been hard pressed, making a run for the loo and when I get there, someone is comfortably spraying the environment with what he's got. Don't even let me start with how tidy the place is left after some people get done with it. It's a miracle I didn't get no extras from my growing up years.

d. Washing: Again, you work against time here. Saturday, everyone is doing laundry and there's just one to three washing lines in the whole compound (depending on the space available). You need to outdo your neighbor by starting out early to occupy more space for your clothes to hang on once you are done. Else, you are on your own. You wash and leave 'em in the buckets till someone else' close gets half-dry. Other times, you throw them on the fence and you watch lizards have their way mating on your washed clothing. :)

e. Child rearing: You children will have friends they take turns beefin at at different times of the week. As a parent, you'd be gung-ho over whose child your kid would flex with and what child's mother is a witch, and therefore, you don't want your child eating anything in their homes, under whatever circumstance.

f. Interactions: Gossip, there's no better way to engage in it! Most women who live in "face me, I face yous" are home-makers, so they have all the time in the world to know why Mama Nkechi had a miscarriage or maybe her mother-in-law was responsible for it. You'd know why the man next door has been loitering. No, he's not on leave, He was fired. You'd know how many abortions the landlord's teenage daughter has undergone etc etc. And you don't want to see a fight going on in a "face me, I face you". U know, the whole loud swearing-dirty boxers-kpata-brassiere stripping type.

I think I'll stop there for now. Next time you are in Lagos, take a ride into the mainland (Ebute-Metta, Shomolu, Mushin, Mafoluku-Oshodi, Agege, Ketu-Alapere) and get a firsthand sighting for yourself. And when you can help it, step out of your car on the roadside for a stick and feel it. It's fun from the outside. For those on the inside, it's a beautiful struggle! :)