FRIDAY

The Cabbie

Fridays are manic in Abuja, with weekend rush hour traffic. I was stuck in one of those trying to meet up a schedule when I got a call from my destination. I didn't have to get there any more 'cos they've waited, grew impatient and left. Someone would wait for me at a junction with what I was headed to pick. I didn't have to step out of the cabbie, and it was particularly mentioned that I could head back with the same cabbie.

The driver wasn't communicating. Our only exchange thus far had been negotiating prices. The humidity hung almost just above the head. It was suffocating. The traffic light passes just for 30 seconds and flies a bird, I mean shows the red light, again. So getting past wasn't going to happen any time soon. I was bored. I left my bag in a hurry so I had nothing to read. So I tried to make small talk. The next closest thing that came to mind was what I just heard over the phone. My bad sha, cos I guess what I said came out as:

"We go just turn and u go carri me go back"

He didn't say anything. I'm sure he heard. I tried to look outside the window, to get my mind busy with something, anything...just so we could make it pass the dang light.

As soon as I realised we were about getting through, I focused on the road again and to my utter disappointment, astonishment and chagrin, the dude made a u-Turn at the next intersection. I yelled a long-syllabic "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" and made him almost lose control of the wheels, cos he apparently was confused.

"I talk say when we reach there, u go carri me go back"

Cabbie (in Hausa): 'chiginigini, magana hamaman shrriinning'

yeah, yeah, I get it. And so we made our way back to the beginning of the traffic build up...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgh!


Later on....Brrrrrr! My ASS!!!

I sat down, bored outta my mind on the stool by the bar. I popped the cork and watched it rolll away from me. Something jolted me and I reached for it, since the cork says "Refresh and Win". Heck, it wouldn't hurt a thing if I tried my luck. 'Sides, I was bored!

There was a pop corn popper to my side giving off heat. The cork rolled as if pulled away from me by some invisible force, and all my lazy attempts to pick it up before it falls over proved lame. I reached out with more effort this time and scalded my right arm. Aaaarghh! Now I have no reason not to pick it up! Not after getting burned!

I picked it up, violently peeled off the protective rubber that stood between me and the information printed on the cork. I was anticipating a "Try Again...don't let the carbon/sugar kill you as you drink some more", but instead, I got:

You've won!

119102791

sms this number to 2653

Fuck me! Woohoo! My heart's veins, arteries, atria and ventricles all pumped 200liters of blood in one minute! I've never been this close to 'winning' anything, except in 199* when I picked up a bottle of free drink after chasing a Coca-Cola supply truck down three streets in my hood. I was so sad, I know.

So what could I have won this time, a day after June 12 in the year of our Lord 2008? A Kia Picanto (most of the promotions have these)? All-expense paid weekend trip for two to visit Olumo Rock? What what what!? I couldn't wait!

I jerked out my fone and quickly typed a message as directed and waited painfully, heart throbbing so hard behind my chest it felt like it was going to leap out of it any moment. I guarded the section with my hands.

Seconds turned into minutes that converts to hours and a text finally came in:

Sender: 2653

*dies, faints, wakes, dies again, convulses...stabilises

Brrrrrr! You are a winner in the Coca-Cola Refresh & Recharge Promotion. Your phone will be credited shortly with 1 min worth of talk time with MTN VTU.

So much for Brrrrrr! They deducted 10,000kobos from my credit balance and it's well over 360 minutes now and counting without the "1 min worth of talk time" added.

And finally...

...someone is trying his hardest to get me real mad and to unleash the dragon, like literally. He's had it coming for weeks now but I keep trying to act like he ain't there. I think I've been mellow for too long and I just need to give a side of me as it's never been seen. Perhaps it's cos I'm sitting idly now that these thoughts are coming up. Maybe I should feed it and get it over with once and for all. FUCK HIM!

What a way to start the weekend!!!

...Have a good one peoples...

Brrr

Dilemma

Preacher's wife got tempted by a new dress she was trying.

The Devil said, "Buy it honey, buy it!"

Preacher's wife said, "Get thee behind me, Satan!"

The Devil did and said, "Looks good from this angle, too"


That's sorta what's been happening to me. I've been binding, casting, trampling, blasting and 'ing' as much as I can, but I guess my willpower has to be upped a little bit mo.

What's Up?

So I've been on a trip to Ogoja and Uyo. It's been fun. I have "Afang soup" leaf growing right inside me cos, dang, that soup is a staple whenever you visit down there; be it local joints or the fancy fast food places, afang soup is a constant in the menu and I've had my fill of it.

I'm scheduled to return there later this week for a weekend stint. I'll have some more gist when I return (I hope).

Is this a bank entrance or polling station?





I had to go make a deposit for a friend (A UBA customer). The razzness continues inside the bank. I got away with taking this pic!


Now time to go for some...


couldn't have enough of it since I had some earlier this noon.

Oh, and June around here is getting pretty cold for me but I can't complain for I've looked forward to a change in weather.

TTY'all soon.


Tonsil Trouble

You should watch it f you can handle the "humor"

Butters: Okay, but... what are you going to do?
Cartman: Kyle thinks that HIV is funny, so we're gonna make him look funny, and then he'll know how it feels to be laughed at.
Butters: I just eh... well I don't know if I should be helping you make Kyle look silly.
Cartman: Butters, helping people who have AIDS is one of the most imprtant things you can do.
Butters: I know, but are you sure Kyle has to be taught a lesson?
Cartman: I'm not just sure, Butters. I'm HIV-positive.

---

Cartman: We need two tickets to Los Angeles as soon as possible.
Clerk: Los Angeles. Okay, uh I have a two o'clock flight. That would beee... $400 each.
Cartman: Ah, sir, you don't understand. We have to see Magic Johnson right away. You see, we have AIDS.
Clerk: ...AIDS? Wow, that's really... retro. But ah I'm sorry. I I just can't give away free seats.
Cartman: Don't you get it?! We are two pals afllicted with an illness, and who only have each other in a race against time! Innocent playful children who are stricken with a dieadly disease for no reason!
Kyle: Oh please, no reason! I got AIDS from him!
Clerk: Oh, you boys are [sticks his left index finger into a tube he makes with his right hand and moves it in and out of the tube] like that, huh?
Kyle: NO!
Clerk: Are you sure you boys just don't have any cash?
Cartman: We're not just sure, we're HIV-positive.
Clerk: Ugh, we sometimes offer free seats to cancer patients, but AIDS I d-. Heh-hey Mitch? Do we have any AIDS patient policies?
Cartman: Forget it, alright?! We'll use another airline! One that cares!

---

Butler: Magic. Magic, could you come to the front for a minute? There are a couple of boys here to see you. Two brave little buddies who against all odds have journeyed across America to find the cure for AIDS. All they have are each other in a race against time. [Magic sheds a big tear and sniffs]
Kyle: [moments later] Thank you for seeing us, Mr. Johnson. We were hoping that maybe you have some kind of key that can help us with our disease.
Magic: You boys both have the virus? Are you sure?
Cartman: We're not just sure, we're HIV-positive.
Kyle: [quickly irritated] Will you stop it with that?! What part of this is funny to you?!
Cartman: Kyle, we need to find a-
Kyle: What part of being infected with a deadly disease do you find funny?!
Cartman: [thinks for a few seconds] I don't think it's funny, Kyle.
Kyle: Then stop saying you're not just sure, you're HIV-positive! [Cartman keeps quiet] This isn't funny, AIDS isn't funny, dying isn't funny, so shut the fuck up!
Cartman: [clears his throat] Well excuse me, Kyle, for trying to keep some optimism, you know? I mean, sometimes when things... seem their darkest you just need to try and stay... HIV-positive, but if you wanna be so HIV-negative all the time, I-
Kyle: Knock it off!! Right now!! This isn't funny! At all!
Cartman: [waits a second] Are you sure!
Kyle: [quickly] Yes!!
Cartman: [waits a second] Are you HIV-positive? [Kyle smacks him quickly] Aarrhh! Ow, fuck, Kyle! [begins to stroke his cheek]
Magic: Boys, the truth is I don't know why my body is so resistant to the virus. I would love to know so I could help others, but I just don't. [shrugs]
Kyle: Well I've been thinking: maybe there's something you've come into contact with that hinders HIV from growing. Do you mind if we just look around?
Magic: Well, not at all.
[The hallway. Magic and the boys pass varoius rooms]
Magic: The pool is over there [motions to his left], where I try to swim and stay in shape. My kitchen [motions to his right] is full of pretty healthy food. I don't know which thing it is that keeps my T-cell count high, so I... try it all.
Kyle: But everyone tries that. There has to be something you're exposed to that others aren't. Could we see where you sleep?
Magic: Sure.
[The bedroom. The double doors swing open and the group enters]
Magic: Just a pretty plain old ordinary bedroom. [before them is the four-post bed with curtains, and stacks of dollar bills everywhere else]
Kyle: Dude.
Magic: Oh, oh yeah, I. I don't trust banks. I sleep with all my money.
Kyle: You sleep with money. Every night?
Magic: Yeah, I like to keep it close b- ...You don't think that..?

hmmm

Guys, sorry for late reply o!

I was just waiting for someone to show up and I found my way to that area! Those are men bathing and of course washing clothes. The thrill of it and actually what made me take d pic was 'cos the other man washing himself in between the yellow cloth and slacks saw me but felt helpless 'cos he couldn't get up to shoo me off from taking the shot. I was nervous myself, so I couldn't zoom in farther.

Hahaha!

The rest of the folks were minding their businesses and were oblivious to my presence.

Naija Politricks & SSydelle: Most of those 'burbs have got places like that. But it's neither Karu nor Kubwa :) It's some settlement behind the airport area...Gwagwa-Jiwa

lmao @ Pseudo! Welcome back!? :)

Airport Road | Petrol Tanker pwnage

A tanker burned to ashes at night April 23rd. Caused a lot of traffic along the airport road. I'm sure a lot of people missed their night flights. Some pictures below, but with poor quality cos of the darkness. Ho hum



Long traffic



Getting closer



Fire core



Ewedu soup to calm my nerves when I got home (gotta love it!)




This morn, more traffic...chaos ruled the road





My pissed off cabby



What is left of the petrol tanker

A yo

Hey peoples! So good to be back and thanks to all for showing some love in my last post. It helped me deal with the randomness and I didn't get to jump off the terrace.

So what it do?! Emmm, what to talk about today...nothing. Again, right now, my thoughts are like biscuit puzzles that got scattered on a terrazzo floor. Does that even make any sense!? I wonder why I don't even come here to write when I'm ever 'sane'.

*Why do I always have to remember to update after so much prodding!?
* Why is it I remember to update when I'm kinda bored and I'm never able to write something worth reading?
*Why...no, wait a minute, this isn't going to be one of those days again. *slaps self, snap out of it!

Maybe there's something:

I remember the definition my Fine Art teacher gave in J.S.S. 3 on the definition of art. Come exam or test days, you gotta love those simple, one-sentence definitions/answers. I still remember how I scrawled on the virgin page of the notebook that day, "Art can be defined as the creation of something out of nothing". Subsequent term exams, it was easier to recall when taking the tests. In fact, I recall I'm all smiles when I saw a question in the "Theory" section of the exam sheet.

Question 1:

a. Define Art
b. List three types of abstract art.
c. ...

Okay, maybe there's something to say, after all!

Aha, speaking of which, I remember:

Setting: a few bottles of beer and water, expected grilled fish. I dunno if the skies had any stars that night, but there was little or no breeze; the mood around the joint was quite boisterous, the usual: booze, ladies, some sorta munchies, music, smoke (from grill and cigs).
Mission: First meeting
Participants: Jaja, Yosh and some other Jaja-blokes
Side events: Nothing, other than being the first meeting. Actually, things came up, but we didn't get much of talking to do.

See, I can't even remember most of what we discussed, or lemme say, for reasons best decided upon by Jaja and me, I'd rather not delve into them here and now. But one thing that I never seize to forget that evening was when we ventured to the topic of our individual blogs, bloggers, blogville, reading habits, writing etc. One thing I remember I told him is that most people love reading other peoples' writings (me inclusive). While reading, there's this 'how did this person come up with this?" moment or usually moments. In most books, there's always the "Acknowledgement" page where the writer(s)/author(s) give credits, so it's noteworthy that what you are reading wasn't a solo project. The writing undergoes a lot of refinement, editing, call it whatever, until there's a finished product in whatever intended form it was meant to be. But still, na somebodi do the work o! Someone came up with the original idea and went to work. This is commendable...very!

And then there are different types of writers for different categories...satire, prose, thriller, fiction, dialogue, whatever. There seem to be specialists for these different categories and most writers find a niche in either of these or more diverse areas.

I love reading, I love writing (though I wish I can do this much better). Like some people I know who are like me, I feel inadequate (yeah I know I shouldn't). During my "English Composition" classes, I got "Write to Learn" by Donald M. Murray. Pretty good book. Got hammered with the "everyone can write" mantra and it takes this and that to make yourself one helluva writer. The problem is, when writing isn't your chosen path and you just want to be informed and move on to what you wish to do. In my case, and unfortunately for most students, I use the information I need to pass exams and move on. It's sad sha, that's why most people who come out of school today don't know jack 'cos the value of education is sorta placed more on what is in it for me after graduation than what can I do with my skills? What value have I added to myself and what am I willing to contribute to the world? But I won't go into that now. Back to the subject on hand...

So what did this attitude to writing mean for me? I'm sorta guilty cos the few times I write, which in reality hasn't been so much, I ignore some of the rules of drafting (for the upteenth time), editing, experimenting with other perspectives POVs, word choice, tenses, getting reviews and criticism before passing it out half-done. Me, I don't have bl0g-drafts...I just keep repeating the usual system of 'plunge right in and write the last draft'...maybe cos I struggle for time to keep the cobwebs away from this joint. I'm sure i haven't even done a good deal of work on that either
*waaaah, waaaah, waaaaaah _ _ _ sneezes some snot* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Now that's refreshing.
But I know, I have to start somewhere, and while informal writing is what it is, it aids and shapes whatever would come out in a formal writing.

We can't all be writers and while some of us attempt, we can't all be winners. One good thing is just to be able to convey thoughts through whatever the heck comes outta your mind at any time. That's my mission but in the same vein, I'd love to commend bloggers I've come across, both electronically and physically who do this seemingly seamlessly. Kudos to una, you know yourselves. Unlike how abstract it feels while reading the John Sauls and John Sanford etc, reading peoples blogs bring it all the more home; these r Naijas, these are going-ons in their lives at any given time, and they keep doing it well. Keep, keeping on guys!

mí

So what's been bothering me?

* Windows 7

As if we've not had enough crock with Windows Vista, I read Microsoft is about to also find a successor for Vista in what is currently codenamed "Windows 7". Emmm, people are yet to acclimatize to the unkind shock that is Windows Vista. Microsoft is still working behind the scenes to 'make things better', make their pockets better. I think it's high time people get to open their eyes to OpenSource software and get friendly with it. It will take some getting used to but it is doable. Just as there are relationships formed amongst big corporations in a way that it permeates almost every aspect of our lives, there should be endeavors to promote technology for all and that can be accessible by most if not all. Some people definitely will be left behind.

While many people I've tried to 'win over' complain about the OpenSource system being too techie, geeky, nerdy, I think efforts are being made to make easier to use applications. A lot of us already know of:

a. Mozilla that work on the free, fast and light FireFox web browser,
b. WordPress, fine blog publishing utility
c. Ubuntu, light operating system that works better than Microsoft's Windows Vista. You can get by even though you are 'code/scripting challenged'.
d. OpenOffice, free word processing and other basic office work software.

...amongst others. Check here for other OpenSource Projects

My case: We need to get our work done, but most software are expensive to purchase and while most of these corporations from one side of their mouth preach accessible technology for all, they at the same time pinch people where it hurts cos most if not everything na money! Not everyone can shell out close to US$500 for professional software, except of course, big corporations and 'big people'. What makes OpenSource software initiative beautiful is that it's accessible and affordable by most, if not all. Who no like free tin?

I guess I've made my point on this.



Lol...


* "Buying Shares"

The rate at which banks offer shares these days is alarming. For those of us who are edgy on some matters, they sure are doing a good job in keeping us that way. Yeah, yeah, I know life is all about risks, but I beg to differ. Some issues are better dealt with with a fifty-feet pole.

Most Nigerians are illiterate and alliterate to the idea of shareholding. They feel it's a 'get-rich-quick' scheme. Some times and for some reasons, I don't blame them. But I can't blame these financial institutions either who are out to make their profits. People just see IPOs on the Tv or listen to jingles on FM and they feel they know all they need to know vis-á-vis buying shares. They don't even give attention to the comment "Please consult your bank or registered stock brokers for advise" or something that goes in that line. Heck, they don't even know who a stock broker is. Like my friend the other day, bought shares years ago and is rocking on his seat, waiting for 'returns'. He even got angry that he's lost some money! Lol. Sheesh, like does it really work like that? Shares aren't mushrooms, man! Be easy.

I've forgotten what next I want to say. I'm hungry, but I'd leave y'all with Taylor Swift's "Teardrops On My Guitar. I'm currently feeling this song so much!

Right Now

Right now.

I feel so random, my thoughts are vacillating, even though I haven't taken any drugs, yet
I have a sore-throat, I haven't had a sore-throat in a long time. Maybe it's the mango? I washed it well though...
I can't laugh as heartily as I want, my side kinda hurts when I do...maybe it's the throat
My coffee is cold...ugh
For the heck of it, I've thrown some bread slices in it, watching it get soggy and I'm pitter-pattering it with the spoon...I haven't been a kid in a while
I think I'm being 'too serious'. Is there any such thing as being too serious?
I feel sick
Why do those pine-apples have such grotesque look, like some skin condition? Maybe reading The 11th Plague was such a bad idea...I think it's cos I'm feeling sick
Sometimes i love being paranoid...I don't think one can be too careful
Why do some people still buy and cook with Vedan, Ajinomoto Glutamate seasoning?
What company still produces these things?
Why did God create Lizards? Roaches? Mosquitoes? Flies? Are these part of what Genesis said God saw and pronounced as 'good' after His creative exercise?
See some fine girl there now and I'm not even thinking of doing anything with her...
The air smells so good out there...from the soft rainfall last night. The smell of wet soil...corn...local pear...mmmm
Stop flashing me...I won't call you back.
Daffodil Lament by The Cranberries is kewl
I'm beginning to think less of getting high with booze...maybe this is a good thing...maybe
I love mom and dad
I love my finger(s) ring(s)
I love Snookie & Snookum
I love Mozilla FireFox...I love add-ons...I love OpenSource
I love the internet
I want a gun...
I like Madonna
I like T.A.T.U.
Why do I find the "Touch My Body" video funny?
LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!
Estelle, eleyin gan-gan, she's fine in her own way sha
Why am I suddenly "enjoying" all these R'n'B? tsk
Chris Brown, Jordin Sparks...hmmm
Is it just me, or did Alicia Keye's hips just get bigger in "No One"? Anything as hip implants?
Yanni IS weird
She loves her career...even with doing stitches. I wish I could handle literally seeing inside other peoples' bodies
I want a new job
Why do things seem to be happening slowly?
Is patience still a virtue when you are getting old and STILL can't get what you want?
Why is Jaja having so much fun? Or is he working hard?
Is ExSchoolNerd in school today? What's she thinking right now?
Did TRAE enjoy the rain yesterday? Was he even in Abuja self?...And Jeremy?
Rhea seems to be having fun...all the time, even when she claims she's got stuff going tough for her...
Catwalq is going to be coming the first female Buddha. Is there already a female Buddha?
Joomy...just reminded me of Gandhi (sp?)...I dunno why
SolomonSydelle, how long does she want to live for? She'd contest for Nigeria's first female president, I think...if the opportunity shows up
Why am I even thinking these things?
I need a pill...

MARCH...

March

Hiya, peoples! How's it going? So the month of March marches on and I'm just trying to get a grip of it all.

Something happened that reinforces most of my long-held credo and also refine those I have flimsy of. I'd just talk about marriage and go home:

...Marriage is contractual (duh). Based on this premise, both parties should try and get the best bargain. Entering with a full deck of cards, a good agreement can be reached. Sometimes, this deal happens to be one-sided and in a situation where the latter is the case, we see an uneven yoke; where either of the party takes undue blame/criticism when things go the other way.

So what to do? How can you ensure your marriage isn't a case study? Well, I'll leave some tsks

1. What's his/her social background?
2. What's his/her educational background?
3. What's his/her family background?
4. What's his/her financial background?
5. What's his/her chosen career path?
6. Does s/he have any exceptional skills that can come in handy...Just in case...?
7. Does s/he have an expensive taste? Is s/he high maintenance?
8. Does s/he have a huge appetite for money?
9. How driven is s/he?
10. Is s/he healthy? *you don't wanna get involved with a liability

Caveat: I'm not endorsing a mundane or materialistic view of marital life. This isn't 'that part ' of MSN Money, but some things just can't be ignored and I'm sure some of us know what I'm on about.

So that's about that!

Dumb friend

How dumb can someone get?

So one of my friends sure loves getting laid. The only qualms I have with that is that he has says he has qualms using rubber. So what he do? He went ahead and got tested for the HIV; and guess what he did? He goes about with a miniature-sized copy of his test result as proof that he doesn't have the virus.
Then he tells me has some problem: when time comes for him to bone some chick without the coat and she resists, insisting he gets wrapped up, he claims he whips out his test result as insurance and tries to convince her to let 'em rock on.
I ask him how long he intends to keep up with this and he tells me for as long as he can handle running frequent and updated tests with positive results.
I tell him the threat isn't one-sided; it isn't just about him infecting someone but it also involves him getting infected by someone who is ready for some action when he shows that he's 'clean'. It appears I'm hitting blanks with the young man.

He sounds so incredibly naïve, sad but true!

Oh, finally, I haven't read a book that made me itch, literally, in a long while. I laid hands on "The Eleventh Plague". It's a good read, boosts paranoia! :D Not for the too critical-eyed types out there.

Wild imaginations:

'I don't want to do it', I offer

'Think', they all remark with grins, 'just come up with anything, anything is acceptable in this case, no matter how bizarre...'

Okay, I thought...and came up with this:

Most people love each other
Most people fight themselves
Most people make love to each other, same and heterosex
In most quarters, these get both reactions: acceptance and unacceptance
If humans can do these, why can't humans gladly eat each other?
Yes, killing is wrong, but people still kill
They say cannibalism is wrong, where are the cannibals? Why are most of them in hiding? Why can't they be allowed to also exercise their freewill?
There's gay and lesbian rights; why can't there be 'cannibal rights'?
Instead of killing indiscriminately, how about allowing the cannibals eat humans that are not fit to live?
And what is the yardstick to determine who is fit to live and and who isn't?
If that's the case where we decide to eat each other, we'd all kill ourselves off the earth...
In the end, how do you rationalize this...?

"Where in hell did you get that from?"

"I told you I didn't want to do it..."

JAMB

...they've really got to get their act together and make their "web site" (abi is it portal self) usable. They set deadlines for enrollment, but entrants spend almost the whole day on three web pages filling in vital statistics, all of these can be done under about the same time spent sending two paragraphs' e-mail, at snail speed.

Emmm, we know it's important to come up to speed with making registrations easier and digitized, but then you need to tidy up your kini before you launch the site. Why must everything be so bad, eh!? Registration, wahala. Result check, wahala. Admission processing, assuming you escaped their ax, wahala. Being in school, wahala. As if the whole poor way of handling things isn't enough! Is it more memory or hard disk space required for your servers? Or your web servers run off the backyards of the tire market in Ladipo? (yeah yeah, we know that's how Google started), But what is it self? Are you the only ones that have web sites? ah-ah! Same thing applies to most other Nigerian institutions, banks not excluded.

I'm trying to do this for a friend. And no I'm not in those crappy internet cafés trying to fill this out. I've downloaded three different 65MB files while waiting and even thought to dust off the cobwebs that I came to clean up weeks ago on this joint.

Like one blogger says, Me sef, I tire!

WHY?

Scene 1:

"This girl no know say I don marry? Which kain wahala be dis nau?"

That comment was what made me realize why this guy's been ending/silencing his calls as we drove most of the distance on our 9-hrs' trip. So you know you are married but you went ahead and got laid? Now she's coming back for more (or something else and he's complaining)

Scene 2:

"...I come wake for morning come see say the girl still de sleep. Na im I vex come de sing, "Oya make we go, oya, Oya day don break o! Oya come de go oya, oya day don break o!" When she wake she com de ask me why I de sing that song, say na one radio program like that she de hear am. I come tell am say the thing just enter my head this morning.

E get as the thing de do me for bodi wey I wake up for morning see say no b my wife de beside me..."

Now you know it's not the right picture waking up to someone else by your bed side in the morning, other than your wife, but I remember you still told me about plans you had the next day for another lay.


i. The two individuals above are married men
ii. I happen to work with both of them. They both don't share any basic background info other than that they both have male organs
iii. They both happen to have some mistresses somewhere
iv. They both have some sort of mock-penitence as they recounted details of their sexcapades, though this does not stop 'em from going back for more
v. Why do they continue doing what they do?

...I really dunno the answer to that question and I still can't get to fathom why people would get married in the first place and later go back out and play. Don't they know who their wives/husbands are before they got married, so that they could be prepared for whatever surprises might be 'lurking' in the shadows till they say "I do"? I think trying to find answers to this question would be a gargantuan task, like trying to understand the intrinsic nature of humankind.

I'm told I would not understand what is behind it yet till I 'get there'. But I really don't fancy the thought of me 'being there', in this light.

Cobweb, go; Post, come

This pic has nothing whatsoever to do with this post...just found it amusing!


Happy new year folkies. Yeah yeah, I know, sounds so last year...uhm, I mean, last two weeks. But it's all good, init? 'slong as it's in Jan, I'm fine by it. Kai, I didn't mean to leave y'all like that o! I know I also said that in some posts ago, but the thing is, it just happens and I almost sorta lose my sanity when it does. But it's good to know we all love each other, crabs and all, right? *bites fingernails

PH

For a fleeting moment I was in Port Harcourt sometime late last December. Every man and woman on the street is a potential sojur, even the cutely-chiseled dames I spotted...Thinking about it, i wasn't in anyway aroused. I can't remember having an erection in like, wat? 3 days? I need to check on that.

Close to SHELL gate a pan, blue Police Toyota Hilux had a collision with a Honda sedan and a biker, or maybe it was the other way round, with either of the mentioned parties guilty. Anyhoos, next thing I see is some dude taking off from the Honda (with doors left open and engine running). He ran in the direction of the nearby MTN office, with an okada mob hot on his trail. I don't know whether he was able to withdraw his keys from the ignition, but good thing is he made it into the 'safety' of the MTN office before they got to him. Something I have learned not to do is stand and wait for the outcome of such an onslaught for fear I may lose an eye. Case being popsi uses his spectacles today cos he was separating a fight in our face-me-I-face-you in Shomolu. So I immediately walked off wishing the bloody civilian well...just as I'd wish myself had I been in his shoes.

Almost all the cutesy vehicles I see has a gun-toting officer (in uniform or plain clothes) in the front seat, whether or not with an expat sitting behind. PH is so militarized it isn't even funny. Reminds me of the situation facing Erezt Israel and their neighbors. Incessant checkpoints, sojurs at almost every corner, and of course the military patrol copter flying overhead.

And then there was the respecter of no one - the traffic. One incident was with a bullion van, as the siren kept blaring in the afternoon humidity, the street hawkers had a lot of fun jeering and mimicking the whole noise. It got to a point where the drivers saw that their antics wouldn't see them through, so the siren died down. Little wonder many expats and government officials are robbed and even shot to death while having a fair share of the respecter of no man.

No camera or laptop to help keep the memory alive.

Me...

During the hiatus, I spent some time doing some serious self and trend analysis, I've been able to come to the following conclusion:

*I'm beginning to find myself more reclusive than I thought I'd get. Sounds weird, but I don't know how to talk to people. Not knowing, as in, finding talking boring; NOT not knowing as in, getting on people's nerves when I talk. It's gotten obvious in terms of not calling people 'cos I find the, 'Hello, I just called to say hi' line trite. I'm forced to keep in touch with work folks on phone and yeah, there are times I have to call and say hello to my loved ones. But a good number of the time, I'd rather text and stuff. Sometimes I like it...the only times I don't is when people I care about get vocal about it. (I really do care, even though some say I'm a cold-blooded SOB). Often it seems I'm contradicting myself when I say I care, but the truth is, I find some sense of security in being quiet, in being less the cynosure. Nothing against anyone in particular.

*I don't find myself going with the crowd, the wrong crowd, any more. It isn't like I've been that way for some time. I have friends that are blatantly proud of fronting and flaunting their goods and toys. Good, fine! You should be proud of your accomplishments, but you should also be considerate of the feelings of people around you. Should I blame commercialism? Abi capitalism? Well, I know a heck lot of people who'd be glad to point fingers at what they see on Tv, globalization and oyimbo influence on us. But heck, don't we have brains no more to think and act as 'individuals'? Even the 'West' that these group claim to follow tend to thrive on individualism...or is that assertion an oxymoron on its own? Anyway, while i'm all for teamwork, networking and the like, I'm all for taking responsibility for my actions and trying less to be influenced by unnecessary external forces.

*I'm also trying to distance myself from the crowd that does all the money-talk but choose to close their eyes to realism. The, 'Guy, I go make dis money for this town o! I gatsto hamma!' horde. It's good to have all these fanciful aspirations and goals, but how do you get there without some sort of well-laid out plan and a proper road map to getting there? d'oh! Lil'Wayne has made his dough, however he did it, you don't think is any of your business; but you love him to death, he's your role model and all. You also just wanna 'make it rain', with zero-fucking-initiative. Gee, bro, get a life. Stop the fantasies already! I've had this discussion with you several times, one to one, but I see it's not getting me anywhere, you think I'm hating. Goodluck with everything sha, I've said my own ¢.05



*So I hurt myself as I fixed myself my first grub of the year, and the first grub in my attic. By the way, the grub was worth it as I finally proved to mom that I'm old enough to take care of myself. (Shouldn't there be other ways to prove it). Nah, moving out wasn't just enough to make her worry less. She tasted my taste bud teasing stew amongst other :Thanksgiving-esque: items BEFORE she came to such conclusions. By the way, thanks for your love mom. I'm feeling every bit of it and I'm hoping you know that I love you, too and I mean it when I say it.

Anyway, just thought I'd touch base folks and let y'all know I'm still feeling you like I'm not feeling you, whatever that means. But I guess you get the point. Errrm, I'm going to be in the background most of the time and will come around to show some love when I can. I'm quite a good netizen in some arena and it is the other life I won't stop living, so yeah my e-passport has been renewed. Let's see how it goes...

Ode

Even though the incident in question happened late last year, I thought I'd do my mind some good by doing this, so here goes.

Dedicated to all the victims of what is known as 'hit-and-run'

Hello

It is quite unfortunate we had to cross paths in this manner. From what I saw a few yards away where I stood gaping at your body, I knew I would gladly ogle at you while I await my burger in Tantalizers. 'What a thought!'...I know

But no, I had to be eyeing you in horror, in shocking disbelief for I couldn't bring myself to accept the reality of what has happened to you
I could not bring myself to look into your face that day because I would sleep differently henceforth

But something tells me, something beyond the physical says it's you I see in my dreams, in that state and I cannot do anything to help you
But why? I know I shouldn't say this because, technically I wasn't behind the wheels

One of the few people I confided in told me I am lucky, it could have been worse. That God was with me and just wanted me to be alive today to write this
I asked myself, 'Why wasn't God with you on that day, so you could live to recount that experience as a 'close call'? Where was God for you at that moment?

Were you ugly? Were you a sinner that deserved such a fate; to go like that? Or were you just a victim of freak circumstance?
Why didn't/couldn't you wait a little longer before you ran into the road? Your friend/sister made it across, but not in a state she envisioned

I could hear the anguish in her voice as she stopped to take in the scene that materialized before her eyes
I could hear the seared hearts, crying at the sheer injustice of it all.

You looked like it was your blooming years, the prime time of your youthful vigor
Your parents, say they are alive, how sad it would be for them looking down at the lifeless body of their daughter
Your siblings, your friends, your boyfriend(s)/lover(s)

I'm not good at this...This is all a puny effort to make sense of it all
I wish I wasn't there at the time
I wish the driver was on the slow lane, going like the pony express (even though. I'm sure I'd be itching for some road rage)

But now I know better
I wish I didn't have to learn this way

So many wishes
Right now, they are what they are, mere wishes...

However, I wish you get this and know how genuinely contrite I am from the whole incident
Rest in peace