...more questions

It's a Saturday: Mom traveled so I had to make some food. We'd all be grinning and telling each other jokes till each of us fall asleep on our seats and then saunter into the rooms when we wake up somewhere in that involuntary slumber. But I looked ahead and saw it's going to be a long-ass weekend, then I was forced to act, cos if I don't, no one else would. I made this tongue-flaming red stew, correct rice, and bought plenty of fruit. My cousin paid a surprise visit from Lagos...and I should be at home chilling after I saw her off, but no, I'm here with more questions. No, I'm not thru. Just staring at the last update makes me ask more questions. I just sat down and all these thoughts started coming into my mind.

The way religion is practised here in Niaja, I could be wrong though, it appears there's no room for asking questions. Or maybe it's the role of religion on its own. Don't ask questions, just listen and obey and "it will be well with you". You know, it's the Word of God, it's a Holy Book, untainted, inspired of the Holy-Spirit. But at the same time, we've got our minds. We are built with intellect, tendency to ask questions, analyze information and have our brain work its mojo. But why is it, at least to me as it appears to be, that once we start questioning those things we've always believed, and held on to, it automatically translates to faithlessness and losing the faith? Falling to the mundane things of life? Or as one zealot once put it, "becoming Devil-hijacked"? Some people say, "follow your heart". The Bible says "the heart is treacherous. Who can know it?..." The human mind works in a selective manner. It chooses what to believe and discards the unwanted. One has to rein it. But how? Through some guidelines, like The Holy Book? Well, that brings into question the matter of God giving us a conscience and freewill. But is it really freewill when you have to be punished by doing what your heart says? Well, our actions cannot be without consequences. That is acceptable. So it is either you ride or die, huh? It's either God's way or the Devil's. And well we cannot get to understand the whole concept of why God does things the way he does them because according to the Bible, we "cannot fathom the dimensions of God's thoughts and ways". The width, length, depth and height - all of it. Yet we are asked in the Bible to search for God's wisdom. To dig deep for it. But why engage in a journey you know is already not going to yield so much, after all? I'm not here saying the Bible contradicts itself nor am I trying to talk anyone out of seeking God's wisdom. Just saying... Could it be what some people think it is, that we are pawns in this game between good and evil, after all? Are we really free? This freedom we so cherish, do we really have it in its real sense? Truth is elusive. Truth is what we make it. Truth is what truth is. Truth is overrated.

But why can't we just obey God and just move along? Like turn a blind-eye to our little worries? No! History has shown that man cannot do that. We've always wanted to do things "our way". And well God made us to want to do things our way, you know that freewill thing he's given each of us, but still he'll hold us accountable for how we use it. God sure has a lot of work on his hands in form of humans and Satan The Devil. Although he could care less about "attitude" from humans. Heck, the earth is just a teeny-teeny-teeny-tiny part of the whole big picture - the universe. He is Omnipotent. But we are told he is bothered by what goes on down here. So what gives?

Personally, I think it is okay to ask questions. Like I had this same discussion with someone who matters last week, I was told it is healthy to explore one's feelings without feeling bad. Almost, if not everyone on earth goes through a spell where they question things. It's all part of the human makeup. God made us that way, I believe. Let God deal with us all personally, eventually.

On other developments...

This past week, I have learned:

...To not say much about either party to either party. (I know what that means, I don't know whether or not you do, but does that matter? :P)
...To take responsibility for my actions
...To not shy away from the truth staring back at me when I stare at the mirror.
...To walk with my chin up and take on the world
,,,That fear should be fought. Fear is the enemy, like some would say
...To do everything I can so I can always look at myself, straight in the eye, without looking away from guilt

Gripe:

It's about time some girls quit using sex as bargain chips, to get their material needs satisfied. I mean he is your boyfriend/lover. You's not a ho, so you shouldn't start asking for that eye-shadow pack you've been eyeing just after either of you came. Yeah, he told me these things and it stung even listening to it...humph

Something for you to think about (What'd you do?):

*Is it odd to have two mothers? You know, you have this other woman in your life and she is as good as being everything your mother would be for you, just that you didn't slip out of her. There's someone like that in my life right now...

*I opened the pot of soup (licensed to do so, of course), rolled the spoon inside. I took some pieces of meat into my plate and was tempted to look further. I did a second lucky dip to source for fish, this time but alas! I found meat bigger than the pieces I already had on my plate. I replaced the ones I had in my plate with my new discovery. I'm not feeling guilty, but what do you think?

*Is it odd to write in red ink?

I hope you all enjoy your Easter break (if at all you are using it).