July 23, 2007

Et Al

I see their mouths moving, but I don't hear the words uttered
I am far away, lost in my thoughts
Why is this meeting dragging? Actually, I haven't been sitting there for more than five minutes
I writhe in my seat, from discomfort, even though there's no reason for that
The seat has enough cushion to soothe my butt
Pockets of sweat start to form on my forehead
I excuse myself from the party, some matter of urgency needs to be attended to
I instinctively, headed down the hall, that's where the room should be
Pirouetting, desperately looking for a cue
Ah, there it is, I turned the knob without thinking twice
One more door to go, I twist the knob, bang the door shut
I fumble with the internal latch, under normal circumstances, it shouldn't take more than 10 seconds to get it set in
But it takes a while, as my body trembles and my palms get sweaty
The sweats from my head trickle down my nape, soakin my shirt collar
"zwip" goes the zip, I pull down my slacks
One more to go, I pull down the undies
I settle on the throne, heave a sigh of relief and smile to myself
'Ah, at last!' I muse...as the overstayed visitors leave my system
I whip out my phone and decide who's next to receive a text

-- Le Dump

Live Free or DieHard

I saw DieHard-4 at the NuMetro cinema on Saturday. DieHard 4 is the best of the series I've seen, yet. Unlike M:I-3, even at the 4th part it still exceeds expectations, from the first to the heart-throbbing last minute, it was worth the wait. I kept shifting in my seat, with my underpants kinda moist from anxiety. Daaamn! Cyber-terrorism and all that jazz. Bruce Willis is good...He doesn't want to step down for his seed...not like has to do that, anyway. I enjoyed him in Lucky Number Slev7n, another bad-ass movie. It's a must-see, if you must!

Trivia - Why I turned in late for work...

Here are the top 10 examples of the most unusual excuses employees offered their managers for arriving late to work, Source:

1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.
2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what "really" happened.
3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.
4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.
5. I just wasn't "feelin' it" this morning.
6. I was up all night arguing with God.
7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.
8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.
9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
10. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around... so I got out of the car.

Hope y'all had a good weekend. Just thot I'd stop over and show some love. I'm in backville, for the moment.

17 comments:

Ms. Catwalq said...

Where have u been eating that u r depositing all sorts of "issues" on the porcelain throne?
see what u get when you don't rely on Catwalq's cooking.

excuses for being late. fave: i was up all night arguing with God...
lol, who comes up with these nonsense-ses.

Anonymous said...

everybody that has seen die hard ..said it was really tight

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Oh my. Le Dump? Oooh weee!
Haven't seen any movies this summer. Oh, I saw Spiderman 3. It was alright and I hope to see a whole bunch of movies when I get the time.

Jaja said...

"...as the overstayed visitors leave my system
I whip out my phone and decide who's next to receive a text"
class...

where the hell is backville? lol

יש (Yosh) said...

@Catlwalq: U din't return on schedule, so i had to seek an alternative. I couldn't starve, I just had to eat. ;) U know I love yr meal ;) ;) ;)

@Jaja: hehehe, backville is in "d shadows"..."lurking in d background"

Ms. Catwalq said...

OK, U R FORGIVEN...

BTW: I WILL NOT ADVISE HAVING YOUR SKIN COME IN CONTACT WITH PUBLIC RESTROOMS, WHETHER OR NOT IT IS IN THE OFFICE...

MUAH DARLIN'

classybabe said...

Die hard 4 is a really cool film,bruce tried!!!!
Lol @ the excuses,-he was driving around with the prostitute and he didn't want his wife to think he was cheating.classic

Anonymous said...

I just hope u washed your hands after your 'le dump' sha.

Unknown said...

LOL @ No 10 - yeah right! LOL!!

Anu boy said...

oh boy, when that shit hooks u, nothing oh, either you obey or get it mehn.....

na wa oh, i neva watch die hard, transformers, i just de dull mehn, big time

יש (Yosh) said...

@Wi-wi: U can bet I did...not after all the action! :P

@Anu: Lmao! Been there, done that, shey!? Na so the thing be abeg.

My guy, u no slack at all o! Me self no be movies pesin. Na just one way or the other na im make me fit go see the thing...

bArOquE said...

...like you know man, no better place to send text messages...but next time wipe the seat before making contact...

one excuse that always works; "my tummy was running, so i didnt want to risk leaving the house too soon"

try it

LurLar said...

LOL@ the throne...

Fo said...

lmao...we've all been there one at a time..lol
office excuses...cracked me UP!!!nice one...
xoxo

Ms. Catwalq said...

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CATWALQ INTERNATIONAL ACADEMIE HAS ARRIVED.
CHECK IT OUT ON MY BLOG.

Jaja said...

Nna bros.. update na??

U well?

Ms. Catwalq said...

r u mad at me or something?
why wouldn't u update?

*sob* please come back. I will write another script just for you.