Et Al

I see their mouths moving, but I don't hear the words uttered
I am far away, lost in my thoughts
Why is this meeting dragging? Actually, I haven't been sitting there for more than five minutes
I writhe in my seat, from discomfort, even though there's no reason for that
The seat has enough cushion to soothe my butt
Pockets of sweat start to form on my forehead
I excuse myself from the party, some matter of urgency needs to be attended to
I instinctively, headed down the hall, that's where the room should be
Pirouetting, desperately looking for a cue
Ah, there it is, I turned the knob without thinking twice
One more door to go, I twist the knob, bang the door shut
I fumble with the internal latch, under normal circumstances, it shouldn't take more than 10 seconds to get it set in
But it takes a while, as my body trembles and my palms get sweaty
The sweats from my head trickle down my nape, soakin my shirt collar
"zwip" goes the zip, I pull down my slacks
One more to go, I pull down the undies
I settle on the throne, heave a sigh of relief and smile to myself
'Ah, at last!' I muse...as the overstayed visitors leave my system
I whip out my phone and decide who's next to receive a text

-- Le Dump

Live Free or DieHard

I saw DieHard-4 at the NuMetro cinema on Saturday. DieHard 4 is the best of the series I've seen, yet. Unlike M:I-3, even at the 4th part it still exceeds expectations, from the first to the heart-throbbing last minute, it was worth the wait. I kept shifting in my seat, with my underpants kinda moist from anxiety. Daaamn! Cyber-terrorism and all that jazz. Bruce Willis is good...He doesn't want to step down for his seed...not like has to do that, anyway. I enjoyed him in Lucky Number Slev7n, another bad-ass movie. It's a must-see, if you must!

Trivia - Why I turned in late for work...

Here are the top 10 examples of the most unusual excuses employees offered their managers for arriving late to work, Source:

1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.
2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what "really" happened.
3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.
4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.
5. I just wasn't "feelin' it" this morning.
6. I was up all night arguing with God.
7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.
8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.
9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
10. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around... so I got out of the car.

Hope y'all had a good weekend. Just thot I'd stop over and show some love. I'm in backville, for the moment.

That guy over there

Most of us have friends, people who matter to us. We try to meet up to their expectations. I am one of those people who have these gifts called friends. And as most gifts, having friends comes with a lot of responsibility. The thing is, I'm now at this IDGAF stage and I don't want anyone to look up to me, to set this standard for me. I set the standards for me, I call the shots! I mean, this life is mine. When, God forbid, shit hits the fan, I wonder how many of these career advisers, morality preachers and so-called "opinion leaders" will be there to help clean up the mess. So I say, lay the fuck off my life, already! I can't please every one and I can't live my life trying to.

So to my friends out there: I love you all! But hopefully y'all will learn to take me, scoin-scoin and all. And for those who'd find it hard dealing with the real me, take me as 'that guy over there', 'cos well, that'd do you some good instead of working your hiney off worrying over what you need to take a chill pill on, or perhaps just let be. It isn't like I haven't always been the real me, it's just that the mind works in a selective way and people tend to see what they prefer to see in you and when they don't, they try to "fix" you. I'm not broken and no, I don't need no fixing. Next page!

Nollywood:

So I was in the waiting room with my friend who went in for a head scan the other day. I didn't mind the TV at first until I heard the following lines:

All this stuff doesn't mean anything. Money, this, doesn't mean anything without trust. I have to be able to trust you with my life.

Snap! I looked up quickly, looking out to see my man "Ace" from the movie Casino (one of the best movies I've ever seen, btw). I could have that movie on replay on a good day and I'll never get tired of watching it. Just writing that part reminds me of this scene where one of Nicky's boys pissed Ace off. And he said to him:

"You took your boots off? You put your feet on the table? You shit-kicking, stinky, horse-manure-smellin' motherfucker you. You fuck me up over there, I'll stick you in a hole in the fuckin' desert."

[Click here for more quotes from the movie]

He's so foul-mouthed, that one! That movie was an explosion: Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro...

EHEN! Back to reality! After I heard those lines I thought it was my favorite movie that was on o, but when I looked up from my book to the TV, who did I see? Ramsey Nuoah (abi na Noah self) was talking to Genievive Nnaji. Worrahell? It was this Nollywood-Casino-wannabe movie sha. OK, well you guys had better get something better to offer through this movie after using that line from one of my best of the bests! To even think that was the only thing they stole from the movie was underestimating them o! These guys completely stole the whole storyline of Casino! The whole nine yards! Kai, Nollywood sha. The only difference is that in this movie, Ramsey was some big boy, butt kicking kingpin, every other thing was from Casino. And no, I won't give it to them. They didn't do a good job stealing and that was the annoying part. That was an insult to my favorite movie and I demand a compensation from whoever directed Rip Off 1 & 2 (that's the title of the Naija movies, for those who care to check it out). Heck, I shouldn't even help them with the publicity, but that goes to tell u how much it got to me!

To Nollywood: It's not all about churning out 100 movies in a month (that's pro'ly an understatement). It's more of quality and the memory that sticks for a long time. So stop with the intellectual property stealing and what not! Let's look within and get ideas for movies, instead of living off what this other people have worked so hard on. And if you have to steal, well, you'd better be good at it.

End of lecture!

Misc:

So I saw this one armed bicycle rider today. I dunno how he does it. He actually looked comfortable on it, which means he's been at it for quite sometime. He was soft-pedaling on the sidewalks. I think that was impressive o, like what you'd see in a circus. I know some stunt ppl do ride without holding the handles and stuff, but this one was cool cos this guy is handicapped. So yeah...