...more questions

It's a Saturday: Mom traveled so I had to make some food. We'd all be grinning and telling each other jokes till each of us fall asleep on our seats and then saunter into the rooms when we wake up somewhere in that involuntary slumber. But I looked ahead and saw it's going to be a long-ass weekend, then I was forced to act, cos if I don't, no one else would. I made this tongue-flaming red stew, correct rice, and bought plenty of fruit. My cousin paid a surprise visit from Lagos...and I should be at home chilling after I saw her off, but no, I'm here with more questions. No, I'm not thru. Just staring at the last update makes me ask more questions. I just sat down and all these thoughts started coming into my mind.

The way religion is practised here in Niaja, I could be wrong though, it appears there's no room for asking questions. Or maybe it's the role of religion on its own. Don't ask questions, just listen and obey and "it will be well with you". You know, it's the Word of God, it's a Holy Book, untainted, inspired of the Holy-Spirit. But at the same time, we've got our minds. We are built with intellect, tendency to ask questions, analyze information and have our brain work its mojo. But why is it, at least to me as it appears to be, that once we start questioning those things we've always believed, and held on to, it automatically translates to faithlessness and losing the faith? Falling to the mundane things of life? Or as one zealot once put it, "becoming Devil-hijacked"? Some people say, "follow your heart". The Bible says "the heart is treacherous. Who can know it?..." The human mind works in a selective manner. It chooses what to believe and discards the unwanted. One has to rein it. But how? Through some guidelines, like The Holy Book? Well, that brings into question the matter of God giving us a conscience and freewill. But is it really freewill when you have to be punished by doing what your heart says? Well, our actions cannot be without consequences. That is acceptable. So it is either you ride or die, huh? It's either God's way or the Devil's. And well we cannot get to understand the whole concept of why God does things the way he does them because according to the Bible, we "cannot fathom the dimensions of God's thoughts and ways". The width, length, depth and height - all of it. Yet we are asked in the Bible to search for God's wisdom. To dig deep for it. But why engage in a journey you know is already not going to yield so much, after all? I'm not here saying the Bible contradicts itself nor am I trying to talk anyone out of seeking God's wisdom. Just saying... Could it be what some people think it is, that we are pawns in this game between good and evil, after all? Are we really free? This freedom we so cherish, do we really have it in its real sense? Truth is elusive. Truth is what we make it. Truth is what truth is. Truth is overrated.

But why can't we just obey God and just move along? Like turn a blind-eye to our little worries? No! History has shown that man cannot do that. We've always wanted to do things "our way". And well God made us to want to do things our way, you know that freewill thing he's given each of us, but still he'll hold us accountable for how we use it. God sure has a lot of work on his hands in form of humans and Satan The Devil. Although he could care less about "attitude" from humans. Heck, the earth is just a teeny-teeny-teeny-tiny part of the whole big picture - the universe. He is Omnipotent. But we are told he is bothered by what goes on down here. So what gives?

Personally, I think it is okay to ask questions. Like I had this same discussion with someone who matters last week, I was told it is healthy to explore one's feelings without feeling bad. Almost, if not everyone on earth goes through a spell where they question things. It's all part of the human makeup. God made us that way, I believe. Let God deal with us all personally, eventually.

On other developments...

This past week, I have learned:

...To not say much about either party to either party. (I know what that means, I don't know whether or not you do, but does that matter? :P)
...To take responsibility for my actions
...To not shy away from the truth staring back at me when I stare at the mirror.
...To walk with my chin up and take on the world
,,,That fear should be fought. Fear is the enemy, like some would say
...To do everything I can so I can always look at myself, straight in the eye, without looking away from guilt

Gripe:

It's about time some girls quit using sex as bargain chips, to get their material needs satisfied. I mean he is your boyfriend/lover. You's not a ho, so you shouldn't start asking for that eye-shadow pack you've been eyeing just after either of you came. Yeah, he told me these things and it stung even listening to it...humph

Something for you to think about (What'd you do?):

*Is it odd to have two mothers? You know, you have this other woman in your life and she is as good as being everything your mother would be for you, just that you didn't slip out of her. There's someone like that in my life right now...

*I opened the pot of soup (licensed to do so, of course), rolled the spoon inside. I took some pieces of meat into my plate and was tempted to look further. I did a second lucky dip to source for fish, this time but alas! I found meat bigger than the pieces I already had on my plate. I replaced the ones I had in my plate with my new discovery. I'm not feeling guilty, but what do you think?

*Is it odd to write in red ink?

I hope you all enjoy your Easter break (if at all you are using it).

Heaven

I don't wanna go to heaven. Yeah, I said it. But before you cross yourself on my behalf, stop for a moment and think about the implications of going to heaven, for you (if this is your desire, anyway). See, most religions have this thing about an eternal utopia in the afterlife, you know, people dying and meeting their God, you know the rest. But me, I've really come to ask myself what's the biggie self? Why can't this earth just be made perfect for us to live in? My stance here is based from the "Christian" mindset of those who want to go to heaven. I know what most of the other religious faiths preach about some heavenly afterlife (*grins*), but I won't bother touching that here.

Ask yourself, "Why do I want to go to heaven?" Most of our decision and desire of wanting to go to heaven stems from the effect of what some opinion leaders have on us, you know the religious kooks (excuse me), the likes of pastors, imams, monks, swamis, the works. For others, it comes from a 'thorough' understand and belief system that works for their whims and the 'truth' found therein their different faiths. For the many I've discussed with, there's one unifying objective: They want to go to heaven to "be with" the Lord. My next question for such ones is, "Who says God needs additional company?" From what I've read in The Holy Book, God has myriads upon myriads of powerful angels who minister to him, day and night. And if he needs more company, he might just as well create more angels. He's omnipotent. So who says he needs more "ministering" from any one of us. Okay, okay, God does pay attention to us as individuals and probably does want us to be with him. For those who have more time and understanding, they go one step further to tell me "being with God" doesn't simply mean staying physically redundant, there's more to it, like "ministering to God" like the angels who are already in heaven do. Oh well, and serving God. I just don't find that explanation satisfactory enough.

For most of the "Sunday-goers", they say it's all about "enjoying" and "escaping the troubles" plaguing the earth currently. You know, people actually carry this picture in their mind of heaven being a place for grooves, eating, and you know all those good ol' jolly stuff. Hmmm, I ask myself if they truly know what it entails. Well, there's just too many reasons I've heard, and the only substantial ones I've come to accept is that as it is spelled out in The Holy Book, Jesus speaking about having abodes for his disciples in heaven was for a different purpose. They are going to rule with him in his kingdom as kings and priests,and judge the earth. It says that somewhere in The Gospels and also in Revelation. So a lot of those who just jump in the heaven bandwagon do not really see the sense of going to heaven. You'd be going there to serve, yo! So if right now on earth you find yourself too stuck up in your pedastals and won't kiss ass one bit, then think again if you entertain the prospect of heaven. Heaven is for submission to God and worshipping/serving/ministering (whichever works for you) HIM day and night. Go figure! Ask the current angels serving. I don't mean to try and talk you out of this goal, but think of it. You will be up there floating around the throne of God, day and night, for all eternity. Like Diddy said in "What's Beef", "Ask yourself...Do you know what beef is? Then ask yourself, do you, really want beef?". I'm telling you to ask yourself and get your priorities straight. Do you really see yourself doing that for all eternity?

Another thing to think of is, if God really cared so much for us to be in heaven, then why these whole transition on earth? I'm not saying God doesn't care and all, but why come to earth first? Who says the earth is a breeding ground for prospective spirit persons in the heavenly realm? That's what most people believe, that when babies die, God takes such ones to be angels in heaven. Or when some good guy dies, he's gone to join him in heaven to "continue"...Hmmmm.

Well, I read somewhere in Psalms 115:16. There David says, "As regards the heavens, to Jehovah the heavens belong, But the earth he has given to the sons of men." Whatever other translation you have may read slightly different. But the point is, the earth is for men. Which now brings me to my own position. So if not heaven, where else?

That verse says God made the earth for man. And there are so many other verses in the scripture that points out that the earth is gonna be forever, it ain't going nowhere. So why can't we make this earth a better place? Some people still cite portions of The Holy Book where there's some statement about the earth being engulfed in fire and everything going to naught. But how come another part of The Holy Book says the earth is gonna be forever. Well, Bible-bashers have some field day there using such cases as pretexts for their claims that the Bible contradicts itself. But I'm comfortable believing, based on the ratio of occurrences of the concept of a here-to-say-earth to a soon-to-be-obliterated earth in the Bible, that the earth isn't gonna be going anywhere, hate it or love it. It's here to stay. No, not even a global nuclear warfare can take the earth out. My belief is that God will in some way intervene and not let this happen. Nor would he let man ruin the earth to an uninhabitable state.

Come to think of it, you as a property owner see how your tenants mess up the premises. Would you because of the temporary mess destroy both the tenants and the building altogether? Reasonably, this shouldn't be the case, especially if there's still so much to salvage from your property. You'd probably evict the tenants and fix your home for a more suitable type. I prefer to see the earth as still in a salvageable state. It's not as bad as it seems. It's humans: you and me that have gotten things to the dangerous state they are in (see ozone depletion, global warming, tsunamis, just to mention a few). Scientists, to a reasonable degree have been able to see that this has been as a result of human interference with the ecosystem. So let's let the beautiful Galapagos remain, the rockies of Colorado, the wonderful islands in the pacific rim, and all those breath-taking vacation spots we all fancy. Let's give the earth a chance. You'll love it here, really. We've already touched the part of the different lovely places there are to go. Let's imagine the meals we enjoy, booze, friends, orgasms (:-D mm hmm, that, too), kisses, colognes, beautiful sunset and sunrise, rainfalls, spring - You wouldn't have all that in heaven. And oh, no fancy stuff up there, yo. There's really no mention of such lifestyles anywhere in The Holy Book I know. It might be different in others. Like I said, I'm not going to discuss other faiths, though I don't mind drawing some "web-fire", but I'll let that rest.

My point is, let's make the earth a better place for you, me and our unborn kids. Who knows, who just knows, God might change His mind? I mean, He told Lot that if he could find just one righteous soul in ancient Sodom and Gomorrah, He'd spare the city from being destroyed. Boy, Lot even bargained with Him. Everything looks hopeless. The apocalyptic end of the "wicked world of humankind" described in Revelation is looking ever more real and religious kooks are getting orgasmic painting up different versions of how it's all going to turn out. But I think there might be a way out, no?

Whatever happens, I'm trying to live life to the fullest and wish, wish God will take me as I am, either ways.

I'll leave you all with this little one:


An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash.

They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they "ooohed and aaahed," the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next, they went out back to see the championship golf course. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don' t you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?" the old man asked timidly.

"That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.

"The old man looked at his wife and said, "You and your bran muffins. I could have been here twenty years ago!"


PS: I still haven't found my mp3 player. I'm still trying to run away from the reality that is unfolding with regards the fate of my heart, my one and only. I even connected to it more than I have with any other thing, real and unreal. sErIoUsLy! I feel so empty, I cannot even find the right words. But I'm coping! And maybe, just maybe, it might show up, no? All the scenes I've painted of how it got missing doesn't offer a spec of hope of it returning. But who knows? It's two weeks (tomorrow, Friday) and counting. I'll let us all know what happens.

PPS: And for the breaking hearts out there, please hold on and get a grip! It's not over until it is.