What It Is

FRIDAY

2008-06-13T20:09:00.002+01:00

The Cabbie

Fridays are manic in Abuja, with weekend rush hour traffic. I was stuck in one of those trying to meet up a schedule when I got a call from my destination. I didn't have to get there any more 'cos they've waited, grew impatient and left. Someone would wait for me at a junction with what I was headed to pick. I didn't have to step out of the cabbie, and it was particularly mentioned that I could head back with the same cabbie.

The driver wasn't communicating. Our only exchange thus far had been negotiating prices. The humidity hung almost just above the head. It was suffocating. The traffic light passes just for 30 seconds and flies a bird, I mean shows the red light, again. So getting past wasn't going to happen any time soon. I was bored. I left my bag in a hurry so I had nothing to read. So I tried to make small talk. The next closest thing that came to mind was what I just heard over the phone. My bad sha, cos I guess what I said came out as:

"We go just turn and u go carri me go back"

He didn't say anything. I'm sure he heard. I tried to look outside the window, to get my mind busy with something, anything...just so we could make it pass the dang light.

As soon as I realised we were about getting through, I focused on the road again and to my utter disappointment, astonishment and chagrin, the dude made a u-Turn at the next intersection. I yelled a long-syllabic "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" and made him almost lose control of the wheels, cos he apparently was confused.

"I talk say when we reach there, u go carri me go back"

Cabbie (in Hausa): 'chiginigini, magana hamaman shrriinning'

yeah, yeah, I get it. And so we made our way back to the beginning of the traffic build up...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgh!

Later on....Brrrrrr! My ASS!!!

I sat down, bored outta my mind on the stool by the bar. I popped the cork and watched it rolll away from me. Something jolted me and I reached for it, since the cork says "Refresh and Win". Heck, it wouldn't hurt a thing if I tried my luck. 'Sides, I was bored!

There was a pop corn popper to my side giving off heat. The cork rolled as if pulled away from me by some invisible force, and all my lazy attempts to pick it up before it falls over proved lame. I reached out with more effort this time and scalded my right arm. Aaaarghh! Now I have no reason not to pick it up! Not after getting burned!

I picked it up, violently peeled off the protective rubber that stood between me and the information printed on the cork. I was anticipating a "Try Again...don't let the carbon/sugar kill you as you drink some more", but instead, I got:

You've won!

119102791

sms this number to 2653

Fuck me! Woohoo! My heart's veins, arteries, atria and ventricles all pumped 200liters of blood in one minute! I've never been this close to 'winning' anything, except in 199* when I picked up a bottle of free drink after chasing a Coca-Cola supply truck down three streets in my hood. I was so sad, I know.

So what could I have won this time, a day after June 12 in the year of our Lord 2008? A Kia Picanto (most of the promotions have these)? All-expense paid weekend trip for two to visit Olumo Rock? What what what!? I couldn't wait!

I jerked out my fone and quickly typed a message as directed and waited painfully, heart throbbing so hard behind my chest it felt like it was going to leap out of it any moment. I guarded the section with my hands.

Seconds turned into minutes that converts to hours and a text finally came in:

Sender: 2653

*dies, faints, wakes, dies again, convulses...stabilises

Brrrrrr! You are a winner in the Coca-Cola Refresh & Recharge Promotion. Your phone will be credited shortly with 1 min worth of talk time with MTN VTU.

So much for Brrrrrr! They deducted 10,000kobos from my credit balance and it's well over 360 minutes now and counting without the "1 min worth of talk time" added.

And finally...

...someone is trying his hardest to get me real mad and to unleash the dragon, like literally. He's had it coming for weeks now but I keep trying to act like he ain't there. I think I've been mellow for too long and I just need to give a side of me as it's never been seen. Perhaps it's cos I'm sitting idly now that these thoughts are coming up. Maybe I should feed it and get it over with once and for all. FUCK HIM!

What a way to start the weekend!!!

...Have a good one peoples...

Brrr

2008-06-03T13:58:00.005+01:00

Dilemma

Preacher's wife got tempted by a new dress she was trying.

The Devil said, "Buy it honey, buy it!"

Preacher's wife said, "Get thee behind me, Satan!"

The Devil did and said, "Looks good from this angle, too"

That's sorta what's been happening to me. I've been binding, casting, trampling, blasting and 'ing' as much as I can, but I guess my willpower has to be upped a little bit mo.

What's Up?

So I've been on a trip to Ogoja and Uyo. It's been fun. I have "Afang soup" leaf growing right inside me cos, dang, that soup is a staple whenever you visit down there; be it local joints or the fancy fast food places, afang soup is a constant in the menu and I've had my fill of it.

I'm scheduled to return there later this week for a weekend stint. I'll have some more gist when I return (I hope).

Is this a bank entrance or polling station?

I had to go make a deposit for a friend (A UBA customer). The razzness continues inside the bank. I got away with taking this pic!

Now time to go for some...

couldn't have enough of it since I had some earlier this noon.

Oh, and June around here is getting pretty cold for me but I can't complain for I've looked forward to a change in weather.

TTY'all soon.

Tonsil Trouble

You should watch it f you can handle the "humor"

Butters: Okay, but... what are you going to do?
Cartman: Kyle thinks that HIV is funny, so we're gonna make him look funny, and then he'll know how it feels to be laughed at.
Butters: I just eh... well I don't know if I should be helping you make Kyle look silly.
Cartman: Butters, helping people who have AIDS is one of the most imprtant things you can do.
Butters: I know, but are you sure Kyle has to be taught a lesson?
Cartman: I'm not just sure, Butters. I'm HIV-positive.

---

Cartman: We need two tickets to Los Angeles as soon as possible.
Clerk: Los Angeles. Okay, uh I have a two o'clock flight. That would beee... $400 each.
Cartman: Ah, sir, you don't understand. We have to see Magic Johnson right away. You see, we have AIDS.
Clerk: ...AIDS? Wow, that's really... retro. But ah I'm sorry. I I just can't give away free seats.
Cartman: Don't you get it?! We are two pals afllicted with an illness, and who only have each other in a race against time! Innocent playful children who are stricken with a dieadly disease for no reason!
Kyle: Oh please, no reason! I got AIDS from him!
Clerk: Oh, you boys are [sticks his left index finger into a tube he makes with his right hand and moves it in and out of the tube] like that, huh?
Kyle: NO!
Clerk: Are you sure you boys just don't have any cash?
Cartman: We're not just sure, we're HIV-positive.
Clerk: Ugh, we sometimes offer free seats to cancer patients, but AIDS I d-. Heh-hey Mitch? Do we have any AIDS patient policies?
Cartman: Forget it, alright?! We'll use another airline! One that cares!

---

Butler: Magic. Magic, could you come to the front for a minute? There are a couple of boys here to see you. Two brave little buddies who against all odds have journeyed across America to find the cure for AIDS. All they have are each other in a race against time. [Magic sheds a big tear and sniffs]
Kyle: [moments later] Thank you for seeing us, Mr. Johnson. We were hoping that maybe you have some kind of key that can help us with our disease.
Magic: You boys both have the virus? Are you sure?
Cartman: We're not just sure, we're HIV-positive.
Kyle: [quickly irritated] Will you stop it with that?! What part of this is funny to you?!
Cartman: Kyle, we need to find a-
Kyle: What part of being infected with a deadly disease do you find funny?!
Cartman: [thinks for a few seconds] I don't think it's funny, Kyle.
Kyle: Then stop saying you're not just sure, you're HIV-positive! [Cartman keeps quiet] This isn't funny, AIDS isn't funny, dying isn't funny, so shut the fuck up!
Cartman: [clears his throat] Well excuse me, Kyle, for trying to keep some optimism, you know? I mean, sometimes when things... seem their darkest you just need to try and stay... HIV-positive, but if you wanna be so HIV-negative all the time, I-
Kyle: Knock it off!! Right now!! This isn't funny! At all!
Cartman: [waits a second] Are you sure!
Kyle: [quickly] Yes!!
Cartman: [waits a second] Are you HIV-positive? [Kyle smacks him quickly] Aarrhh! Ow, fuck, Kyle! [begins to stroke his cheek]
Magic: Boys, the truth is I don't know why my body is so resistant to the virus. I would love to know so I could help others, but I just don't. [shrugs]
Kyle: Well I've been thinking: maybe there's something you've come into contact with that hinders HIV from growing. Do you mind if we just look around?
Magic: Well, not at all.
[The hallway. Magic and the boys pass varoius rooms]
Magic: The pool is over there [motions to his left], where I try to swim and stay in shape. My kitchen [motions to his right] is full of pretty healthy food. I don't know which thing it is that keeps my T-cell count high, so I... try it all.
Kyle: But everyone tries that. There has to be something you're exposed to that others aren't. Could we see where you sleep?
Magic: Sure.
[The bedroom. The double doors swing open and the group enters]
Magic: Just a pretty plain old ordinary bedroom. [before them is the four-post bed with curtains, and stacks of dollar bills everywhere else]
Kyle: Dude.
Magic: Oh, oh yeah, I. I don't trust banks. I sleep with all my money.
Kyle: You sleep with money. Every night?
Magic: Yeah, I like to keep it close b- ...You don't think that..?

hmmm

2008-05-19T10:24:00.002+01:00

Guys, sorry for late reply o!

I was just waiting for someone to show up and I found my way to that area! Those are men bathing and of course washing clothes. The thrill of it and actually what made me take d pic was 'cos the other man washing himself in between the yellow cloth and slacks saw me but felt helpless 'cos he couldn't get up to shoo me off from taking the shot. I was nervous myself, so I couldn't zoom in farther.

Hahaha!

The rest of the folks were minding their businesses and were oblivious to my presence.

Naija Politricks & SSydelle: Most of those 'burbs have got places like that. But it's neither Karu nor Kubwa :) It's some settlement behind the airport area...Gwagwa-Jiwa

lmao @ Pseudo! Welcome back!? :)

Airport Road | Petrol Tanker pwnage

2008-04-24T09:39:00.009+01:00

A tanker burned to ashes at night April 23rd. Caused a lot of traffic along the airport road. I'm sure a lot of people missed their night flights. Some pictures below, but with poor quality cos of the darkness. Ho hum

Long traffic

Getting closer

Fire core

Ewedu soup to calm my nerves when I got home (gotta love it!)

This morn, more traffic...chaos ruled the road

My pissed off cabby

What is left of the petrol tanker

A yo

2008-04-15T13:08:00.003+01:00

Hey peoples! So good to be back and thanks to all for showing some love in my last post. It helped me deal with the randomness and I didn't get to jump off the terrace.

So what it do?! Emmm, what to talk about today...nothing. Again, right now, my thoughts are like biscuit puzzles that got scattered on a terrazzo floor. Does that even make any sense!? I wonder why I don't even come here to write when I'm ever 'sane'.

*Why do I always have to remember to update after so much prodding!?
* Why is it I remember to update when I'm kinda bored and I'm never able to write something worth reading?
*Why...no, wait a minute, this isn't going to be one of those days again. *slaps self, snap out of it!

Maybe there's something:

I remember the definition my Fine Art teacher gave in J.S.S. 3 on the definition of art. Come exam or test days, you gotta love those simple, one-sentence definitions/answers. I still remember how I scrawled on the virgin page of the notebook that day, "Art can be defined as the creation of something out of nothing". Subsequent term exams, it was easier to recall when taking the tests. In fact, I recall I'm all smiles when I saw a question in the "Theory" section of the exam sheet.

Question 1:

a. Define Art
b. List three types of abstract art.
c. ...

Okay, maybe there's something to say, after all!

Aha, speaking of which, I remember:

Setting: a few bottles of beer and water, expected grilled fish. I dunno if the skies had any stars that night, but there was little or no breeze; the mood around the joint was quite boisterous, the usual: booze, ladies, some sorta munchies, music, smoke (from grill and cigs).
Mission: First meeting
Participants: Jaja, Yosh and some other Jaja-blokes
Side events: Nothing, other than being the first meeting. Actually, things came up, but we didn't get much of talking to do.

See, I can't even remember most of what we discussed, or lemme say, for reasons best decided upon by Jaja and me, I'd rather not delve into them here and now. But one thing that I never seize to forget that evening was when we ventured to the topic of our individual blogs, bloggers, blogville, reading habits, writing etc. One thing I remember I told him is that most people love reading other peoples' writings (me inclusive). While reading, there's this 'how did this person come up with this?" moment or usually moments. In most books, there's always the "Acknowledgement" page where the writer(s)/author(s) give credits, so it's noteworthy that what you are reading wasn't a solo project. The writing undergoes a lot of refinement, editing, call it whatever, until there's a finished product in whatever intended form it was meant to be. But still, na somebodi do the work o! Someone came up with the original idea and went to work. This is commendable...very!

And then there are different types of writers for different categories...satire, prose, thriller, fiction, dialogue, whatever. There seem to be specialists for these different categories and most writers find a niche in either of these or more diverse areas.

I love reading, I love writing (though I wish I can do this much better). Like some people I know who are like me, I feel inadequate (yeah I know I shouldn't). During my "English Composition" classes, I got "Write to Learn" by Donald M. Murray. Pretty good book. Got hammered with the "everyone can write" mantra and it takes this and that to make yourself one helluva writer. The problem is, when writing isn't your chosen path and you just want to be informed and move on to what you wish to do. In my case, and unfortunately for most students, I use the information I need to pass exams and move on. It's sad sha, that's why most people who come out of school today don't know jack 'cos the value of education is sorta placed more on what is in it for me after graduation than what can I do with my skills? What value have I added to myself and what am I willing to contribute to the world? But I won't go into that now. Back to the subject on hand...

So what did this attitude to writing mean for me? I'm sorta guilty cos the few times I write, which in reality hasn't been so much, I ignore some of the rules of drafting (for the upteenth time), editing, experimenting with other perspectives POVs, word choice, tenses, getting reviews and criticism before passing it out half-done. Me, I don't have bl0g-drafts...I just keep repeating the usual system of 'plunge right in and write the last draft'...maybe cos I struggle for time to keep the cobwebs away from this joint. I'm sure i haven't even done a good deal of work on that either
*waaaah, waaaah, waaaaaah _ _ _ sneezes some snot* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Now that's refreshing.
But I know, I have to start somewhere, and while informal writing is what it is, it aids and shapes whatever would come out in a formal writing.

We can't all be writers and while some of us attempt, we can't all be winners. One good thing is just to be able to convey thoughts through whatever the heck comes outta your mind at any time. That's my mission but in the same vein, I'd love to commend bloggers I've come across, both electronically and physically who do this seemingly seamlessly. Kudos to una, you know yourselves. Unlike how abstract it feels while reading the John Sauls and John Sanford etc, reading peoples blogs bring it all the more home; these r Naijas, these are going-ons in their lives at any given time, and they keep doing it well. Keep, keeping on guys!

mí

So what's been bothering me?

* Windows 7

As if we've not had enough crock with Windows Vista, I read Microsoft is about to also find a successor for Vista in what is currently codenamed "Windows 7". Emmm, people are yet to acclimatize to the unkind shock that is Windows Vista. Microsoft is still working behind the scenes to 'make things better', make their pockets better. I think it's high time people get to open their eyes to OpenSource software and get friendly with it. It will take some getting used to but it is doable. Just as there are relationships formed amongst big corporations in a way that it permeates almost every aspect of our lives, there should be endeavors to promote technology for all and that can be accessible by most if not all. Some people definitely will be left behind.

While many people I've tried to 'win over' complain about the OpenSource system being too techie, geeky, nerdy, I think efforts are being made to make easier to use applications. A lot of us already know of:

a. Mozilla that work on the free, fast and light FireFox web browser,
b. WordPress, fine blog publishing utility
c. Ubuntu, light operating system that works better than Microsoft's Windows Vista. You can get by even though you are 'code/scripting challenged'.
d. OpenOffice, free word processing and other basic office work software.

...amongst others. Check here for other OpenSource Projects

My case: We need to get our work done, but most software are expensive to purchase and while most of these corporations from one side of their mouth preach accessible technology for all, they at the same time pinch people where it hurts cos most if not everything na money! Not everyone can shell out close to US$500 for professional software, except of course, big corporations and 'big people'. What makes OpenSource software initiative beautiful is that it's accessible and affordable by most, if not all. Who no like free tin?

I guess I've made my point on this.

Lol...

* "Buying Shares"

The rate at which banks offer shares these days is alarming. For those of us who are edgy on some matters, they sure are doing a good job in keeping us that way. Yeah, yeah, I know life is all about risks, but I beg to differ. Some issues are better dealt with with a fifty-feet pole.

Most Nigerians are illiterate and alliterate to the idea of shareholding. They feel it's a 'get-rich-quick' scheme. Some times and for some reasons, I don't blame them. But I can't blame these financial institutions either who are out to make their profits. People just see IPOs on the Tv or listen to jingles on FM and they feel they know all they need to know vis-á-vis buying shares. They don't even give attention to the comment "Please consult your bank or registered stock brokers for advise" or something that goes in that line. Heck, they don't even know who a stock broker is. Like my friend the other day, bought shares years ago and is rocking on his seat, waiting for 'returns'. He even got angry that he's lost some money! Lol. Sheesh, like does it really work like that? Shares aren't mushrooms, man! Be easy.

I've forgotten what next I want to say. I'm hungry, but I'd leave y'all with Taylor Swift's "Teardrops On My Guitar. I'm currently feeling this song so much!

Right Now

2008-03-25T11:54:00.005+01:00

Right now.

I feel so random, my thoughts are vacillating, even though I haven't taken any drugs, yet
I have a sore-throat, I haven't had a sore-throat in a long time. Maybe it's the mango? I washed it well though...
I can't laugh as heartily as I want, my side kinda hurts when I do...maybe it's the throat
My coffee is cold...ugh
For the heck of it, I've thrown some bread slices in it, watching it get soggy and I'm pitter-pattering it with the spoon...I haven't been a kid in a while
I think I'm being 'too serious'. Is there any such thing as being too serious?
I feel sick
Why do those pine-apples have such grotesque look, like some skin condition? Maybe reading The 11th Plague was such a bad idea...I think it's cos I'm feeling sick
Sometimes i love being paranoid...I don't think one can be too careful
Why do some people still buy and cook with Vedan, Ajinomoto Glutamate seasoning?
What company still produces these things?
Why did God create Lizards? Roaches? Mosquitoes? Flies? Are these part of what Genesis said God saw and pronounced as 'good' after His creative exercise?
See some fine girl there now and I'm not even thinking of doing anything with her...
The air smells so good out there...from the soft rainfall last night. The smell of wet soil...corn...local pear...mmmm
Stop flashing me...I won't call you back.
Daffodil Lament by The Cranberries is kewl
I'm beginning to think less of getting high with booze...maybe this is a good thing...maybe
I love mom and dad
I love my finger(s) ring(s)
I love Snookie & Snookum
I love Mozilla FireFox...I love add-ons...I love OpenSource
I love the internet
I want a gun...
I like Madonna
I like T.A.T.U.
Why do I find the "Touch My Body" video funny?
LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!
Estelle, eleyin gan-gan, she's fine in her own way sha
Why am I suddenly "enjoying" all these R'n'B? tsk
Chris Brown, Jordin Sparks...hmmm
Is it just me, or did Alicia Keye's hips just get bigger in "No One"? Anything as hip implants?
Yanni IS weird
She loves her career...even with doing stitches. I wish I could handle literally seeing inside other peoples' bodies
I want a new job
Why do things seem to be happening slowly?
Is patience still a virtue when you are getting old and STILL can't get what you want?
Why is Jaja having so much fun? Or is he working hard?
Is ExSchoolNerd in school today? What's she thinking right now?
Did TRAE enjoy the rain yesterday? Was he even in Abuja self?...And Jeremy?
Rhea seems to be having fun...all the time, even when she claims she's got stuff going tough for her...
Catwalq is going to be coming the first female Buddha. Is there already a female Buddha?
Joomy...just reminded me of Gandhi (sp?)...I dunno why
SolomonSydelle, how long does she want to live for? She'd contest for Nigeria's first female president, I think...if the opportunity shows up
Why am I even thinking these things?
I need a pill...

MARCH...

2008-03-22T14:06:00.002+01:00

March

Hiya, peoples! How's it going? So the month of March marches on and I'm just trying to get a grip of it all.

Something happened that reinforces most of my long-held credo and also refine those I have flimsy of. I'd just talk about marriage and go home:

...Marriage is contractual (duh). Based on this premise, both parties should try and get the best bargain. Entering with a full deck of cards, a good agreement can be reached. Sometimes, this deal happens to be one-sided and in a situation where the latter is the case, we see an uneven yoke; where either of the party takes undue blame/criticism when things go the other way.

So what to do? How can you ensure your marriage isn't a case study? Well, I'll leave some tsks

1. What's his/her social background?
2. What's his/her educational background?
3. What's his/her family background?
4. What's his/her financial background?
5. What's his/her chosen career path?
6. Does s/he have any exceptional skills that can come in handy...Just in case...?
7. Does s/he have an expensive taste? Is s/he high maintenance?
8. Does s/he have a huge appetite for money?
9. How driven is s/he?
10. Is s/he healthy? *you don't wanna get involved with a liability

Caveat: I'm not endorsing a mundane or materialistic view of marital life. This isn't 'that part ' of MSN Money, but some things just can't be ignored and I'm sure some of us know what I'm on about.

So that's about that!

Dumb friend

How dumb can someone get?

So one of my friends sure loves getting laid. The only qualms I have with that is that he has says he has qualms using rubber. So what he do? He went ahead and got tested for the HIV; and guess what he did? He goes about with a miniature-sized copy of his test result as proof that he doesn't have the virus.
Then he tells me has some problem: when time comes for him to bone some chick without the coat and she resists, insisting he gets wrapped up, he claims he whips out his test result as insurance and tries to convince her to let 'em rock on.
I ask him how long he intends to keep up with this and he tells me for as long as he can handle running frequent and updated tests with positive results.
I tell him the threat isn't one-sided; it isn't just about him infecting someone but it also involves him getting infected by someone who is ready for some action when he shows that he's 'clean'. It appears I'm hitting blanks with the young man.

He sounds so incredibly naïve, sad but true!

Oh, finally, I haven't read a book that made me itch, literally, in a long while. I laid hands on "The Eleventh Plague". It's a good read, boosts paranoia! :D Not for the too critical-eyed types out there.

Wild imaginations:

2008-02-26T13:22:00.002+01:00

'I don't want to do it', I offer

'Think', they all remark with grins, 'just come up with anything, anything is acceptable in this case, no matter how bizarre...'

Okay, I thought...and came up with this:

Most people love each other
Most people fight themselves
Most people make love to each other, same and heterosex
In most quarters, these get both reactions: acceptance and unacceptance
If humans can do these, why can't humans gladly eat each other?
Yes, killing is wrong, but people still kill
They say cannibalism is wrong, where are the cannibals? Why are most of them in hiding? Why can't they be allowed to also exercise their freewill?
There's gay and lesbian rights; why can't there be 'cannibal rights'?
Instead of killing indiscriminately, how about allowing the cannibals eat humans that are not fit to live?
And what is the yardstick to determine who is fit to live and and who isn't?
If that's the case where we decide to eat each other, we'd all kill ourselves off the earth...
In the end, how do you rationalize this...?

"Where in hell did you get that from?"

"I told you I didn't want to do it..."

JAMB

2008-02-22T19:11:00.004+01:00

...they've really got to get their act together and make their "web site" (abi is it portal self) usable. They set deadlines for enrollment, but entrants spend almost the whole day on three web pages filling in vital statistics, all of these can be done under about the same time spent sending two paragraphs' e-mail, at snail speed.

Emmm, we know it's important to come up to speed with making registrations easier and digitized, but then you need to tidy up your kini before you launch the site. Why must everything be so bad, eh!? Registration, wahala. Result check, wahala. Admission processing, assuming you escaped their ax, wahala. Being in school, wahala. As if the whole poor way of handling things isn't enough! Is it more memory or hard disk space required for your servers? Or your web servers run off the backyards of the tire market in Ladipo? (yeah yeah, we know that's how Google started), But what is it self? Are you the only ones that have web sites? ah-ah! Same thing applies to most other Nigerian institutions, banks not excluded.

I'm trying to do this for a friend. And no I'm not in those crappy internet cafés trying to fill this out. I've downloaded three different 65MB files while waiting and even thought to dust off the cobwebs that I came to clean up weeks ago on this joint.

Like one blogger says, Me sef, I tire!

WHY?

2008-01-28T20:29:00.000+01:00

Scene 1:

"This girl no know say I don marry? Which kain wahala be dis nau?"

That comment was what made me realize why this guy's been ending/silencing his calls as we drove most of the distance on our 9-hrs' trip. So you know you are married but you went ahead and got laid? Now she's coming back for more (or something else and he's complaining)

Scene 2:

"...I come wake for morning come see say the girl still de sleep. Na im I vex come de sing, "Oya make we go, oya, Oya day don break o! Oya come de go oya, oya day don break o!" When she wake she com de ask me why I de sing that song, say na one radio program like that she de hear am. I come tell am say the thing just enter my head this morning.

E get as the thing de do me for bodi wey I wake up for morning see say no b my wife de beside me..."

Now you know it's not the right picture waking up to someone else by your bed side in the morning, other than your wife, but I remember you still told me about plans you had the next day for another lay.

i. The two individuals above are married men
ii. I happen to work with both of them. They both don't share any basic background info other than that they both have male organs
iii. They both happen to have some mistresses somewhere
iv. They both have some sort of mock-penitence as they recounted details of their sexcapades, though this does not stop 'em from going back for more
v. Why do they continue doing what they do?

...I really dunno the answer to that question and I still can't get to fathom why people would get married in the first place and later go back out and play. Don't they know who their wives/husbands are before they got married, so that they could be prepared for whatever surprises might be 'lurking' in the shadows till they say "I do"? I think trying to find answers to this question would be a gargantuan task, like trying to understand the intrinsic nature of humankind.

I'm told I would not understand what is behind it yet till I 'get there'. But I really don't fancy the thought of me 'being there', in this light.

Cobweb, go; Post, come

2008-01-16T15:14:00.000+01:00

This pic has nothing whatsoever to do with this post...just found it amusing!

Happy new year folkies. Yeah yeah, I know, sounds so last year...uhm, I mean, last two weeks. But it's all good, init? 'slong as it's in Jan, I'm fine by it. Kai, I didn't mean to leave y'all like that o! I know I also said that in some posts ago, but the thing is, it just happens and I almost sorta lose my sanity when it does. But it's good to know we all love each other, crabs and all, right? *bites fingernails

PH

For a fleeting moment I was in Port Harcourt sometime late last December. Every man and woman on the street is a potential sojur, even the cutely-chiseled dames I spotted...Thinking about it, i wasn't in anyway aroused. I can't remember having an erection in like, wat? 3 days? I need to check on that.

Close to SHELL gate a pan, blue Police Toyota Hilux had a collision with a Honda sedan and a biker, or maybe it was the other way round, with either of the mentioned parties guilty. Anyhoos, next thing I see is some dude taking off from the Honda (with doors left open and engine running). He ran in the direction of the nearby MTN office, with an okada mob hot on his trail. I don't know whether he was able to withdraw his keys from the ignition, but good thing is he made it into the 'safety' of the MTN office before they got to him. Something I have learned not to do is stand and wait for the outcome of such an onslaught for fear I may lose an eye. Case being popsi uses his spectacles today cos he was separating a fight in our face-me-I-face-you in Shomolu. So I immediately walked off wishing the bloody civilian well...just as I'd wish myself had I been in his shoes.

Almost all the cutesy vehicles I see has a gun-toting officer (in uniform or plain clothes) in the front seat, whether or not with an expat sitting behind. PH is so militarized it isn't even funny. Reminds me of the situation facing Erezt Israel and their neighbors. Incessant checkpoints, sojurs at almost every corner, and of course the military patrol copter flying overhead.

And then there was the respecter of no one - the traffic. One incident was with a bullion van, as the siren kept blaring in the afternoon humidity, the street hawkers had a lot of fun jeering and mimicking the whole noise. It got to a point where the drivers saw that their antics wouldn't see them through, so the siren died down. Little wonder many expats and government officials are robbed and even shot to death while having a fair share of the respecter of no man.

No camera or laptop to help keep the memory alive.

Me...

During the hiatus, I spent some time doing some serious self and trend analysis, I've been able to come to the following conclusion:

*I'm beginning to find myself more reclusive than I thought I'd get. Sounds weird, but I don't know how to talk to people. Not knowing, as in, finding talking boring; NOT not knowing as in, getting on people's nerves when I talk. It's gotten obvious in terms of not calling people 'cos I find the, 'Hello, I just called to say hi' line trite. I'm forced to keep in touch with work folks on phone and yeah, there are times I have to call and say hello to my loved ones. But a good number of the time, I'd rather text and stuff. Sometimes I like it...the only times I don't is when people I care about get vocal about it. (I really do care, even though some say I'm a cold-blooded SOB). Often it seems I'm contradicting myself when I say I care, but the truth is, I find some sense of security in being quiet, in being less the cynosure. Nothing against anyone in particular.

*I don't find myself going with the crowd, the wrong crowd, any more. It isn't like I've been that way for some time. I have friends that are blatantly proud of fronting and flaunting their goods and toys. Good, fine! You should be proud of your accomplishments, but you should also be considerate of the feelings of people around you. Should I blame commercialism? Abi capitalism? Well, I know a heck lot of people who'd be glad to point fingers at what they see on Tv, globalization and oyimbo influence on us. But heck, don't we have brains no more to think and act as 'individuals'? Even the 'West' that these group claim to follow tend to thrive on individualism...or is that assertion an oxymoron on its own? Anyway, while i'm all for teamwork, networking and the like, I'm all for taking responsibility for my actions and trying less to be influenced by unnecessary external forces.

*I'm also trying to distance myself from the crowd that does all the money-talk but choose to close their eyes to realism. The, 'Guy, I go make dis money for this town o! I gatsto hamma!' horde. It's good to have all these fanciful aspirations and goals, but how do you get there without some sort of well-laid out plan and a proper road map to getting there? d'oh! Lil'Wayne has made his dough, however he did it, you don't think is any of your business; but you love him to death, he's your role model and all. You also just wanna 'make it rain', with zero-fucking-initiative. Gee, bro, get a life. Stop the fantasies already! I've had this discussion with you several times, one to one, but I see it's not getting me anywhere, you think I'm hating. Goodluck with everything sha, I've said my own ¢.05

*So I hurt myself as I fixed myself my first grub of the year, and the first grub in my attic. By the way, the grub was worth it as I finally proved to mom that I'm old enough to take care of myself. (Shouldn't there be other ways to prove it). Nah, moving out wasn't just enough to make her worry less. She tasted my taste bud teasing stew amongst other :Thanksgiving-esque: items BEFORE she came to such conclusions. By the way, thanks for your love mom. I'm feeling every bit of it and I'm hoping you know that I love you, too and I mean it when I say it.

Anyway, just thought I'd touch base folks and let y'all know I'm still feeling you like I'm not feeling you, whatever that means. But I guess you get the point. Errrm, I'm going to be in the background most of the time and will come around to show some love when I can. I'm quite a good netizen in some arena and it is the other life I won't stop living, so yeah my e-passport has been renewed. Let's see how it goes...

Ode

2008-01-16T14:41:00.000+01:00

Even though the incident in question happened late last year, I thought I'd do my mind some good by doing this, so here goes.

Dedicated to all the victims of what is known as 'hit-and-run'

Hello

It is quite unfortunate we had to cross paths in this manner. From what I saw a few yards away where I stood gaping at your body, I knew I would gladly ogle at you while I await my burger in Tantalizers. 'What a thought!'...I know

But no, I had to be eyeing you in horror, in shocking disbelief for I couldn't bring myself to accept the reality of what has happened to you
I could not bring myself to look into your face that day because I would sleep differently henceforth

But something tells me, something beyond the physical says it's you I see in my dreams, in that state and I cannot do anything to help you
But why? I know I shouldn't say this because, technically I wasn't behind the wheels

One of the few people I confided in told me I am lucky, it could have been worse. That God was with me and just wanted me to be alive today to write this
I asked myself, 'Why wasn't God with you on that day, so you could live to recount that experience as a 'close call'? Where was God for you at that moment?

Were you ugly? Were you a sinner that deserved such a fate; to go like that? Or were you just a victim of freak circumstance?
Why didn't/couldn't you wait a little longer before you ran into the road? Your friend/sister made it across, but not in a state she envisioned

I could hear the anguish in her voice as she stopped to take in the scene that materialized before her eyes
I could hear the seared hearts, crying at the sheer injustice of it all.

You looked like it was your blooming years, the prime time of your youthful vigor
Your parents, say they are alive, how sad it would be for them looking down at the lifeless body of their daughter
Your siblings, your friends, your boyfriend(s)/lover(s)

I'm not good at this...This is all a puny effort to make sense of it all
I wish I wasn't there at the time
I wish the driver was on the slow lane, going like the pony express (even though. I'm sure I'd be itching for some road rage)

But now I know better
I wish I didn't have to learn this way

So many wishes
Right now, they are what they are, mere wishes...

However, I wish you get this and know how genuinely contrite I am from the whole incident
Rest in peace

...

2007-12-10T17:19:00.000+01:00

Misinformation...Naïveté

Dedicated to all the been theres and done thats

‘Heroine’ & ‘Hero’: Oh gosh! 'That' IS good! (they chuckle and cuddle each other till the sun gets tired of looking and retires in the horizon).

[Three weeks later, over the phone]

‘Hero’: Hey, what's up? How are you doing? All efforts to reach you via phone most of the night till I couldn’t help it anymore proved unsuccessful. You got me worried...

‘Heroine’: We have to talk....

‘Hero’: What? That in no way answers my question!

‘Heroine’: I know...I...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to act rude, but...Anyways, how are you doing?

‘Hero’: Good! You don't sound like everything's all right. What's the matter?

‘Heroine’: Like I said, we need to talk. I'm worried C.

‘Hero’: What bothers you sugar-pie? You know I'm here for you, you can tell me anything.

‘Heroine’: Sure, I know. Anyway, I didn't mean to keep you worried my Jupiter...it's just that...

‘Hero’: Hey, I told you to find me a new pet name. Jupiter sounds so...*sighs* All right honey, don't say it! I'd text you my schedule for tomorrow soon. I have to get off the phone right about now.

Don't worry too much, okay? We'd be fine...I'd hope we can work things out.

‘Heroine’: I'd hope so! Hey, aren't you forgetting something?

‘Hero’: What?...Oh, I love you my chocolate-coated-crusty-sugar-pie!

‘Heroine’: I love you too, dear! Please be careful and I can't wait to see you! I'm so scared.

‘Hero’: Don't worry, we'd be fine.

‘Hero’ thinks to himself what the problem could be, but he just can't place it.

[At some eatery, the next day...]

‘Hero’: <...almost thru with his meal> You've barely touched those croissants and it isn't like it's some huge meal. Something is definitely wrong and I think you've held it back long enough. That's the reason we are here anyway...though I'm sure my plate says differently [he laughs lightly, trying to shoo away the dark clouds of ill-emotions looming overhead]

‘Heroine’: Honey, you know I love you and i wouldn't do anything to deliberately spite you. I mean, we've come a long way and lying isn't part of my nature...[she pauses for the words to sink in; she trolleys on when she sees how he nods satisfactorily]... C, I did not see my last period and well, I didn't want to tell you back then ‘cos I thought I just needed time for it to come, but it's over a week now and there's no sign of it. I'm scared.

‘Hero’: You what?

‘Heroine’: I did not see my last period...In other words, I think I'm pregnant

[pockets of sweat starts forming on his forehead. He's never been 'here' before. Who could've known that short encounter could lead to this? What does he do now? Pregnancy? How? Is this the beginning of the end
for him? He just managed to rake out his fees for the next study session.

Of course there are debts to be settled. He still hasn't come up with the dough for the aso ebi his chocolate-coated-crusty-sugar-pie asked for months ago...and now this...]

‘Hero’: My Gawd...my Gawd! (he manages to say)

‘Heroine’: Yesterday? I was scared to tell you cos I didn't know how you'd feel. I am confused...I don't know what to do...

‘Hero’: Ah-A-arre you sure about this? No...I didn't say that. I mean, what are we going to do now? Have you told anyone about this? Do you think anyone knows, yet?

‘Heroine’: What are we going to do? I was thinking you'd know what to do o! Me, I'm scared is all I know. My sister will kill me. My daddy will kill me. My mommy will kill me. I will no longer be able to go to choir practice. The girls will be talking about me...Oh my God, why me?

Breathe in, breathe out...breathe in, breathe out...He lost count of how many times he said that to himself. It seemed liked an eternity while he stood in the loo until he mustered the wrinkled balls to go back to join her at the table. By this time, her eyes have gone crimson from crying silently.>

‘Heroine’: I have to leave now. Will you call me later?

‘Hero’: I guess...

‘Heroine’: You guess? Don't do this to me honey, you mentioned yesterday not to worry, we'd be fine. Now you don't look confident any more. Please say it to me again! Tell me everything will be all right...I need to hear it.

‘Hero’: Okay! I will call you later. Do you want to spend some time over before you go home? I can't stand anyone knowin what has happened from your looks. I mean, you could start having to answer questions you don't want to deal with

‘Heroine’: Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

[At night over the phone]

‘Hero’: Hello honey

‘Heroine’: Hi, look, I'm sorry about what happened earlier. I wasn’t myself and I wasn't thinking before I said...

‘Hero’: Look, it's okay! Listen, what matters now is...Are you alone? Can you walk out where there'd be no listening in...?

‘Heroine’: I'm good here.

‘Hero’: Okay. Well, here is what I've come up with. I've discussed with this pharmacist friend and he wants to see you, no us, tomorrow. When can you come?

‘Heroine’: I'm not sure, say, after my sister leaves for work...

‘Hero’: And when in particular is this?

‘Heroine’: Ummm, anytime from 9am.

‘Hero’: Okay, I'll try so we'd wrap things up so there'd be no suspicions. Meet me at the TZ outlet by Alamala junction. I'd be there quite early, so start coming as soon as you are done and please don't keep me waiting.

‘Heroine’: I'll try.

‘Hero’: No, you will make it! Listen, this is serious! Every second from "D-day" for whatever it is that is going on down in your tummy is worth it. I can't take any tardiness...I am ready to forestall this.

‘Heroine’: Okay, okay! I'm sorry, I've just lost my bearings since all of these started happening

‘Hero’:

‘Heroine’: Are you there?

‘Hero’: yeah!

‘Heroine’: I said I'm sorry for what's happening. I just wish it were a dream. I didn't see all these coming and I never meant to put us through this.

‘Hero’: Pls be ready on time tomorrow, ok?

‘Heroine’: Are you mad at me?

‘Hero’: No!

‘Heroine’: Then why did you side-step a response to my last statement?

‘Hero’: I didn't mean to...I'm not handling things well, I guess. I'm not mad at you and I see what you mean. I've had a tough day, I'll go now, ok?

‘Heroine’: Okay. Will you sing me a song?

‘Hero’: Not tonight, I'm sorry!

'Heroine’: All right then, good night!

‘Hero’: Good night and sweet dreams!

[Next day, at the pharmacist's...and on to "Dr. Satan"]

Pharmacist: So, from what you told me yesterday, I don't think I can handle this. I will give you the number to this doctor I know who handles D&Cs and he'd take care of it

‘Heroine’: What have I gotten myself into? Oh God, why? [sobbing]

‘Hero’: Thanks, man, I appreciate it! We'd deal with it as soon as we can...

Pharmacist: No problems, I'm just doing what a friend can do at this kind of time. Good luck!

[Outside the pharmacy]

‘Hero: Look, crying will not solve anything now. All you need to do is follow me and we'd find a closure to this thing before anyone else finds out, ok? I'm not finding this any easy either, but you either let me handle this properly by getting a grip of your emotions, or you might as well get me all wimpy with your sobs...and if I may add, I don't mean to be harsh.

‘Heroine’: [more sobbing]

[At Dr. Satan's...next day]

Dr. Satan: Welcome! Your pharmacist friend told me to be in expectation of you.

‘Hero’: O, did he? Well, yes...actually, I believe he's briefed you over why we are here

Dr. Satan: Actually, yes. You see, the way these things are done, I don't want to waste much time on it. We'd conduct a test that you can pick the results in a few hours.

(to ‘Heroine’: Please go into that room. You'd find a lady waiting to take your piss and shit for test)

...And so it happened the test result was, of course, positive and Dr. Satan scheduled the next day for the D&C, which he carried out. He passed on some drugs to her for 'recovery'. ‘Hero’ pays for the whole operation and everyone packs up and goes home, feeling like it's all good.

Unfortunately, ‘Heroine’'s younger sister senses a trend with her older sister, taking drugs systematically every 6 hours or so and goes on to report to their guardian-older sister. Guardian older sister confronts our 'heroine' over her recent increase in drug intakes, particularly the type of drugs found on her. With some chiding here and some scolding there, our heroine spills the moin-moin. And so kasala burst. The chain reaction from our heroine's family to our hero's household. A lot of investigation went into play, the core of it being: "Was our heroine really pregnant?"

Question & answer:

When did you two 'meet'?: Three weeks ago

I can't remember a girl becoming pregnant in three weeks after intercourse, are you sure the pregnancy is yours?: Ehrrrm, well, the thing is, I trust her so well. In fact, I can bet my nuts and I'm her first. So if she said she was pregnant and it's mine, then it is so!

You seem to trust her so well. But how can we verify that the baby she was carrying is yours?: What I said before...

Why didn't you confide in us first before going for a D&C?: I/we was/were scared of what YOU'd all think...

What if something had gone awry? What if she loses her ability to conceive in the future?: Bleh...but thank God nothing like that happened...

I'm/We're still not convinced she was carrying your baby! My/our argument is I don't think a woman can conceive in three weeks after sexual intercourse. Are you sure it was only you she's met? Because the only way we can verify she was pregnant is whether a D&C was really carried out. Now that we've known, and neither of your heads is headed for the guillotine, do you care to demystify your mystery to us?:

All right, I'm going to be very honest with you all. We really did 'meet' three weeks ago. Just a few days ago, she said she 'missed her period'. Her only explanation for this phenomena is that she's pregnant. We both were panicked, with no one to talk to. Actually, now we know there are people we'd have spoken to, but then we were in the dark. Everyone seemed to be a foe and our only friend was what seemed right for us to do for our own good at the time. Well, I went to a friend who referred me to a friend who knew how to handle stuff like this. And so we went to this friend's-friend-who-knew-how-to-handle-stuff-like-this. He carried out a test, and said the result is positive. Looking at it from this point, it was stupid for us not to have waited a little while longer and tried a test elsewhere. Panic owned us and I quickly ceded to him carrying out a D&C.

Wait o...u mean, this 'friend's-friend-who-knew-how-to-handle-stuff-like-that' actually went ahead to do something to her?: Yes…Come to think of it, I didn’t even penetrate her…I…okay, I’m not going into that now…

After discussing on the phone, she confirmed she didn't bleed and can't even remember what the man did to her. D'oh! She can't even recall any sorta post-surgery pain. Perhaps her body created some sorta imagined pubic throbbing which justified her taking the drugs.

Conclusion:

After the investigation:

*Our heroine was not pregnant, after all

*Fear of the unknown made our hero and heroine to make hasty decisions...and of course they could not keep their secret secret for long.

*Misinformation and complete naïveté took the best of our hero and heroine.

*There are lots of Dr. Satans out there who are ready to take advantage of panicky juveniles. Areas of concentration are the 'burbs where there's a thick population of illiterates who live with reckless abandon, a good number of these being [sexually active] juveniles.

Action-plan:

Sounds incredulous, but things like this do happen in society. A lot of people don’t know SexEd-101 and are thus prone to plunge headlong into making hasty decisions. Girls lose their lives from unsafe abortions; perhaps if they manage to come out unscathed, they get some jara (extras) in form of some infection from wherever these surgeries take place. Unsafe sex is rife and all these buzz of HIV & the AIDS seem to be falling on deaf ears.

Education should be two-sided: from the family and other forms of institutes:

The family should take an active part in this education because, well, it is the safest I can think of - in a case where there are no weirdos (dad, mothers, uncles or aunts molesting kids/wards). Every family would want the best for its members, so I think the kids would not get any better information elsewhere than from well-informed, loving parents and guardians. Parents should not relegate their responsibilities to others, pls. By others, I mean misinformed friends, sexual predators, pervs and miscreants out there who'd gladly do the work for you.

Second in line of support should be a good educational system. Schools should have a good course in sexual education in place to help kids deal with these issues as soon as they start taking cognizance of it. And not just the course, there should be sound-minded tutors in place to help deal with such cases. Some families find it hard to communicate, so the next place kids seek solace are from people who would offer a listening ear. Some times, these people can be the wrong ones, which in turn lead to devastating results. But where there is a support and report system in place in schools, whereby whatever these kids say can be held in confidence and where there's need, these things get to the ears of their parents, so the parents know what is going on in their kids' lives. Such can help stem the trend of misinformation out there that will make our kids do crazy and strange things.

This isn't some surefire solution. Right now, there is no perfect system as there'd be lapses here and there, but then I feel we can start somewhere and cases such as that of our "Hero and heroine" can become case-studies and not realities.

Hola Migos

My blog people, how una de? I beg your pardons o! Thank you all who commiserated with me on my last post here, for your kind words et al. I really appreciate it and I'm glad to announce that everything is under control, though there. It's so unlike me to be gone for so long without any sorta info, but without further ado, I'd just spend a few mins summarizing what's happened (at least those 'blog-worthy') since my last time on here:

*Of course, there was some brouhaha over my bro and his gf/wife-to-be. But like I said up there, things appear to be under control.

* I secretly changed jobs and returned: Yeah, sounds odd but I dunno how else to describe it. I mean, i kinda left my job and went into this place that offered me 'something', but it appeared it wasn't the right time and job so I jejely ran back to where I was before I lose out on both ends.

* I met Jaja. Ummm, I dunno if I should be sayin this but well I am. For all I care, it could be one of Obj's foster-sons I met (no offense to Jaja or anyone in particular). We had fun meeting and we tried to keep it as real as we could. I'd end that here by saying, 'Man, you rock!'...even post-meeting. Counting down till another.

* I moved out! I found me an apartment and have settled in. I can fix myself all the fictitious meal-medleys (amongst other things) I've ever thought about. If you meet me at home on a weekend, you'd leave with a story to tell.

I miss the parents and I try to make it a point to speak with 'em every evening. I find my love for them growing by the day, esp. since i moved out. I can't say I love either of them above the other, but dang, mom's so cool and she keeps proving it. I can't trade her love for anyone else. For now, everything appears to be peaches and creams, but I'm not living in Wonderland nor resting on my laurels. There's work to be done and that I'd do!

Catty, OverwhelmedNaijaBabe, Exschoolnerd, Jaja, Solomonsydelle, Ugo and the rest of you - thanks for reaching out, both on and offline. I appreciate it. It sorta reminds me of those elementary school days when I miss school either 'cos I was sick or something, and then my friends stop over after school hours to tell me how the school day went. I feel so loved...same thing applies now. Even though i was away, I still felt loved by your comments [which unfortunately I couldn't respond to immediately - I've been on the go]. Thanks, y'all rock!

"I won't be home for Christmas"

And I leave y'all with this little piece by one of my favorite punk-rock bands. Ummm, there's no video for this song, but someone just put this vid together. I won't be home for Christmas 'cos I'd be at one or two places. Happy holidays [Hanukkah, Salah, Christmas, New Year's] in advance to everyone out there.

"I Won't Be Home For Christmas"

(Deck the halls with boughs of holly fa la la la la la la la la)

(Tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la la)

Outside the carolers start to sing
I can't describe the joy they bring
Cause joy is something they don't bring me
My girlfriend is by my side
From the roof are hanging sickles of ice
Their whiny voices get irritating
It's Christmas time again

So I stand with a dead smile on my face
Wondering how much of my time they'll waste
Oh god I hate these Satan's helpers
And then I guess I must've snapped
Becos I grabbed a baseball bat
And made them all run for shelter

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don't wanna get beat down
Just leave the presents and then leave me alone.

Well I guess it's not cool to freak on Christmas Eve
Cos the cops came and arrested me
They had an unfair advantage
And even though the jail didn't have a tree
Christmas came a night early
Cos a guy named Bubba unwrapped my package (hot damn)

It's Christmas time again
It's time to be nice to the people you can't stand all year
I'm growing tired of all this Christmas cheer
You people scare me
Please stay away from my home
If you don't wanna get beat down
Just leave the presents and then leave me alone.

I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas (please post my bail)
I won't be home
I won't be home for Christmas

Quickie

2007-11-13T17:25:00.000+01:00

Quickie

Hi guys, apologies for my absence. I didn't mean to be away. Straight to the point, my brother is about making me an uncle. Well, to me this is good news and it probably sounds easy, but like most things in life, not everyone shares the same feelings as you (some of you already know what I mean and where this is going). It doesn't sound like good enough reason to be outta touch, but based on circumstances surrounding this, it has had to be this way. I have to stand by him and make sure everything goes well for him, his gf/wife-to-be, and my unborn nephew; right now, he sure needs all the support he can get.

That's all I can say for now. Please bear with me. I'll need all the positive thoughts and vibe (from some, that could mean prayers) I can garner right now. But I'll try as much as I can to be more available than I have.

Lotsa love

TRIP

2007-10-18T18:11:00.000+01:00

Trip

So I had to travel for a friend's dad's burial in Sobe in Owan-East (abi is it West) LGA of Edo State, Nigeria....West Africa! It was quite the trip! I grew travel sick sha 'cos of the roads. The stretch of road once you pass Lokoja up till most of Akure is a death trap. On some other subject sha, this road trip experience and "Waltzing in Pain" will make me re-think making further road trips, even though I have a passion for them. As much as I can help it, I will have to save up and take my chances with the lightning bolts, virulent invisible demons and stray birds in the atmosphere.

I took a couple shots the way, mostly of jaw-dropping holes on the road, but to my chagrin, the pictures were missing, safe for a few. The few I have are also wack! But I'll put them up anyways, with short stories about them.

Preps

Before the burial later in the evening, we took a walk in the quiet town. Good enough, the roads are tarred but as my friend told me, the people are evil. Uh, my friend was worried himself. So much mystery surrounding his dad's death, so he feels we aren't safe from the 'evil people'. Eiiii, I don die o! Anyways, precautions will be taken e.g. eat outside and away from familiar territory, don't accept edible 'offers' from even 'family' let alone strangers, don't get too friendly, and countless other stuff. Needless to say, my body shrank as I switched from already paranoid to super-paranoid-mode.

What do I know? Well, I found the entrance to a shrine and the accompanying sign. I fired off and was warned not to attract attention. Hmmm, mogbe o! Anyway, I have the image below as a consolation prize.

*Ogun Shrine (Why'd I wanna call there FOR MY SICKNESS, PROBLEM ETC?)

Mission altered...(proceed with 'caution')

After the burial, we had to ransack the dead man's room. I found myself a solid "IMI Timberwolf" with some mercenary's mask (this will come in handy for the rest of my stay). I donned it and took a pose with it.

*Me sporting my weapon

To continue our clandestine activities and operate with maximum precaution with our secrecy maintained, I had to don the mercenary mask for some grub at an 'undisclosed location'.

*Grubbing

During one of our raids, we uncovered a lot of weapons cache and we were able to recover one of the computers being used for communications. Pictures of our weapons We've been able to intercept a lot of enemy communication and as I type this, we have stealthily routed all communications to a third-party field office where details such as source and destination enemy camps will be eventually unscrambled and further 'missions' will be carried out. These is are missions I cannot disclose again, because of their sensitivity.

*Specimen of impounded computer

I left Sobe with so much dread, in expectation of the poor road conditions en route back to Abuja. Still, we needed to keep an eye on the road for 'the enemy'. I lost a very important shot which still pains me. Anyway, it's about this very huge trailer that ran off the road into a roadside building. Roughly 20 lives were lost. It's so unfortunate! Two cars were squeezed underneath, bashed beyond recognition. Saw some bloodstains on the road.

The accident caused serious traffic congestion on Lokoja-Abuja 'freeway'.

*Traffic on 'freeway'

*Overloaded bus in traffic

We gave one of the goons a hot pursuit. He didn't know we've caught up with him, so he took some time taking a piss while we caught up with him and arrested him.

*Goon

*The mercenaries

*Ze End!

STAIND

2007-10-18T14:11:00.000+01:00

STAIND

I'd be back with a little post, but to keep you guys listening to a song I've had on repeat for quite the while now.

I love Staind. I can't say it enough. This is one of my favorite songs by the band. And may I say they are my favorite? This particular song's first verse says a lot about what's been happening to me lately, so I thought I'd share.

Notice how the guitar's doing that guy there! I love this!

\\So Far Away

\\So Far Away

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping

(chorus)
Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here its so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I’m not ashamed to be the person that I am today

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing ok
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping

(chorus)

I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me

(chorus)

P.S.: Oh yeah, welcome back, SimplyGorgeous. Hope you brought back some oyoyo! I missed you o!

Vows

2007-10-05T15:02:00.000+01:00

TO SAY OR NOT TO SAY: "I do; Yes; or Maybe"

The rates at which marriages fail is alarming. What can make someone start thinking of divorce on the wedding night? It's soo absurd. And usually it's not just people who do not know each other. These are people who have, most likely, slept with each other and spent some intimate time together, now to start acting like they just or never met each other before is unbecoming. 'How can that be?' you may ask. Well, I've come up with something:

A 'maybe' answer should be introduced and acceptable in the case where the marriage officiator asks the usual "...agree to have and to hold, till death do you part?" question. Instead of saying, I-do or yes, the bride and groom should be allowed to say 'maybe' afterwards. Of course, this should not be shocking because the couple should have agreed to this before they decide to take it to the altar. And if possible, the marriage officiator should have been debriefed prior to his officiating to expect a 'maybe' answer from either the bride or groom, after the latter group would have given much thought to the implications of the decision they are about to make and step they are both about to take. I will explain myself.

Those who argue that it's either yes or no, the "Pro-I-Do" group postulate that saying, Yes or I-do serves as a sealant to the vow. It is like a reminder, a frontlet band so to speak, to keep each partner in check because it triggers in them the fact that they are married, thus making them more devoted.

And I argue, does maybe not also put some sort of 'seal' on the agreement? The numerous reported cases of infidelity shows that most culprits go into the act with their 9 senses. These are individuals who have said I-do or yes to the marriage officiator's earlier mentioned line. So saying I-do or Yes does not guarantee a 'happily ever after'.

On the other hand, the maybe answer will make both parties involved aware of their imperfection and thus they'd endeavor to stay the course. The human mind, though, is deceptive and I'm sure if the maybe line were to be in place, a lot of people will take advantage and say 'at least I never committed myself...remember I said 'maybe'?' Excuse for loose conduct.

My premise is based on the case that a successful marriage does not depend on whether either the man or woman said 'yes, I do, or maybe' on their wedding day. Rather, it is based on commitment and honesty.
Just as couples who say Yes or I do strive to make things up to each other when the need arises, thus working towards an binding marriage, so can those who say maybe after their vows, on D-day. They can channel their energies into transforming their 'maybes' into full-fledged 'yeses'. I am a strong advocate of being faithful to one's marriage mate and making things work. The 'maybe-peeps' should be given a chance to prove themselves, instead of believing that they will not follow through.

Further, instead of people going blindly into marriage, or going in with deception, or worse still with a silent maybe, knowing they aren't ready to stick to their guns, thru thick and thin, they can take a chance on going in with a maybe and then work to make it a yes, and so forth. In essence, there'd be no reason to be bored in marriage, with the reminder that you have work to do; a sense of duty. If I have my way, I'd say maybe, cos you can never be 100% sure. Or, can you?

What do you guys think? 'Maybe' I'd look back years later and ask myself where I woke the day I wrote this. Or...maybe not. :)

New Pet?

I think I have a new pet...I think! I'm calling her Cinder; she's a stray cat that found its way into the plenum area in the kitchen and has since made itself comfortable. I climbed on a ladder, peeked in and found its blue-green eyes glowing in the dark. Since it's discovery, mom has been terrified and I fear for Cinder's fate. It's going to be suicidal bringing it into the house at this stage. For now, I'll just make do smuggling some leftovers to it up there.

I've always wanted a cat for a pet. I prefer a cat to a dog 'cos it will always remain portable. Pups would grow into large dogs that, unless I castrate him or 'sterilize' her, it'd either poke or be poked. I can't afford the mess. But cats? Depending on the breed, they can only grow more weighty, but more cuddly. I love they way they mew, lick their paws and snuggle up close, purring. Cats are like girlfriends, only difference is, you can't make out with it (at least not for me).

I have read a lot of stories where someone saved a pet and both the savior and the saved end up bonding so well, forging a closeness akin to a male-female relationship. Again, I'm not talking bestiality here. Just, a simple, corny relationship where you find yourself talking to your pet on return from a trip out, like I found myself doing
yesterday evening, as I walked into the kitchen to get supper:

Me: Cindy...you up there? Meeeoooowwh! *knocking the ceiling board*

Cinder: Meeeooww.....meeew...

But it's up there and all I can do is to keep being nice to it, till it probably leaves some day, or as I picture it, bring it in?

Or in the more ideal scenario, as I picture it to be:

*I unlock the main door as I get home from work...anywhere*

Me: Hey, Ciiinddiiii...Are you there?

Cinder: *purring loudly and rubbing at my feet* Meeeeewww...

Me: Ah, there you are! *bending over to pick it up*

Cinder: *purrrrrrrrrrrrs*

Me: Did you have a good day? Mine was pissy. The lady over at O'Neal's was such a grouch. She didn't pay attention to me...too much mayo on my burger. Here, I've got something for you

*I unwrap some meatballs and other orishirishi, placing it inside its litter. It licks my hand....*

Me: There you go...

Cinder: *lying on its back so I can rub its tummy, purrring out loud in approval*

Random Thoughts:

Does Nigeria engage in any form of espionage: political, military, economic or otherwise? At least, it is widely believed that most foreign embassies, consulates and diplomatic outposts are rigged full with spies. I wonder what Nigerian diplomats et al do at Nigerian embassies and consulates abroad. Or do they just hustle to get posted abroad in order to receive estacodes, churn out visas to all and sundry, host and attend diplomatic functions and get fat on their butts? I smell a lot of rotting and rotten fish lately and I don't see why we can't pay back in like. I won't go in to much details...those who should know would understand what I mean :-s ... Or maybe I shouldn't worry! Maybe I'm just overreacting and my imaginations are running wild, no thanks to Tom Clancy & John (Clamp) Sanford. *sighs*

Well, gotta run now. Enjoy your weekend, peeps and be easy, like Sunday morning :)

Post-Independence; Education in Nigeria

2007-10-05T12:30:00.000+01:00

Post- Speak Up Nigeria

Hello, my fellow compatriots. Happy belated 47th independence anniversary to our dear Nigeria. It pains me that I could not be with you all, by putting up a D-Day post in commemoration of that grand occasion. Needless to say, the campaign went on smoothly and my fellow compatriots did a great job in helping our dear country feel loved and at the same time, not ignoring and bringing to the fore, a lot of issues that need addressing. I went through the letters submitted by contestants on the Speak Up Nigeria Campaign, amongst other personal posts on different blogs and I must say i got goosebumps, you know, good goosebumps, the type you get when something is just sooooo sweet. Butterflies twirled in my tummy as I read each of these auspicious messages. Congratulations Omotaylor on coming out as the winner of the competition. I am proud to be Nigerian. There are a lot of us out there who make us proud and if not for anything else, it helps divert attention from the ills plaguing our society, but directs positive energy toward looking for solutions to each and everyone of these national issues. No doubt, we are getting there. Baby steps is all that is needed but we surely will get there. Amen.

University Education

A lot has happened, personally and secularly and while most isn't funny, I try to ride through it. It's the spirit, eh? But in the midst of those events, I have been itching to air my views on this very disturbing issue. The issue in question is about (Turin) Tomi, the UniLag student who reportedly offed himself due to pressure from 'school' and all that went with it. The issue struck a wrong cord in me and I have been very bitter ever since. The suicide rate in Nigeria is not as much as countries such as Japan and there's a joke that Nigerians love life so much that they'd rather live with their head way in doodie than kill themselves. Yes, life is good, and a lot of us are good at handling stress. Whatever prompted this young man to take his life must have been so aggravating, and no doubt it was. I'm not saying schooling does not go with some measure of stress. Nothing good comes easy and all the pressures that go with meeting deadlines are part of what makes the effort worthwhile in the end, because it prepares one for the busy post-education life. What I'm talking about here is unnecessary stress from sadist lecturers. supervisors and people in positions of authority in our higher institutions. Stress that shouldn't be there in first place. Stress that one can and should avert.

Of course, (Turin) Tomi's suicide has not solved the issue and that is where my angst comes in. The underlying problem is still there and a lot of other students are out there going through the same shit, over and over. All the issues our older siblings go through replicates itself when the younger generation get into the educational system. If nothing is done, our kids would also be victims of the same anomaly. They will have to go through an issue they shouldn't have faced in the first place, simply because we have let these things slip through our hands unsolved.

A lot of people are discouraged because of all these. Our institutes of higher learning are looked at in askance, with dread. This is a malfunction and should be corrected because this fear skewers the intention for wanting to go into a university for education. Now the worry isn't just about how I would see myself through my schooling but also WHY DO I HAVE TO undergo such unnecessary rigors? The system in our universities is dysfunctional. Education is a right! Education should be enjoyable and every effort should be made to present things in this light. With the right educated minds running things, most maladies in society can be kept at a reasonable balance. But what happens when things are the opposite? Now I'm talking about where to get the right treatment. Does it mean my kid cannot be sure of a proper and enabling study environment if I cannot get him/her into Covenant, Babcock, Igbinedion or whatever other private universities are out there? Is the system in Federal & state universities so warped and frustrating that things cannot just be done the right way? Lecturers are expected to be good custodians, but why do they have to hurt students in their custody? Why do most of them choose to be sadists? The system in turn churns out students who are out on a vengeance. It is common to hear people saying they will not go through all of that mess for nothing. They will take out their anger on others who they find in subordinate positions. It's a vicious cycle!

A few lecturers I've spoken to say most students are unserious and they do not know why they are in school. Granted, he has a point! Just like there are a few good male and female lecturers in the school system, there are also serious-minded students out there. There's no justification for lobbing all students together as unserious, dishing out collective punishment. If there is an unserious child in your tutelage, approach him/her and take the necessary corrective measures, instead of maltreating everyone.

You hear lecturers telling students they are doomed to failure, without any reasonable point given as to such an eventuality. Students walk about in fear, attend classes in fear, take tests in fear, expect their results in fear. You cannot be confident in your ability because those who should be there to help you are willing to tap into this undue fret and take advantage.

Another reason why some students are scared of standing up in the face of this vice is this nonchalance on the part of lecturers towards their students' needs has been entrenched in the schools for a long time that it is hard to root it out. It is more like the mafia, some lecturers and students alike are known cultists, so it's a standoff. Who makes the first hit and does it right. Students are afraid to voice their concerns and when they do, it is never orderly; no dialog, just downright chaos. You hear of riots and the eventual shut down of schools for MONTHS. The lecturers shouldn't feel threatened or else they threaten your career future, if not life. So the cycle of fear gets passed down from one academic session to the other, from one graduating class to the next.

Fear is still the enemy. These bad lecturers thrive on the pretext that they are untouchables. Their corruption will keep going unchecked and they will keep getting fattened up in the expense of someone else' child. They know they can get away with being someone else's worst nightmare. But the problem is it shouldn't be in a school environment. As long as we are timid to speak up, there will be no way to act against seeing an end to this menace in our society.

When under attack, it is natural to run. But the problem is running away from the problem does not fix it, instead it's going to keep creeping on you, it will keep haunting you until it overtakes you. But when you find yourself cornered with nowhere else to run, and your attacker keeping up behind, unrelenting in his resolve to hurt you, you have to turn and face your attacker to fend him off, until he no longer poses a threat. That is how this issue should be tackled. This problem where lecturers ride roughshod, and feel they cannot be touched. That is so wrong!

I am not scared of anyone. I don't owe my existence to anyone. How many more would bleed, how many more would have to go the same way as Tomi before we say "No more!"? How many female students would have to lose their self-esteem by sleeping with the lecturers before we say "No More!". How many futures will have to be jeopardized and scarred before the people in the right places would be notified so they can take the right, long-lasting action against these injustices? Laide here mentioned that most of these lecturers have blogs so students can submit assignments online (good stuff). At the same time, there's the fear of repercussion for speaking out against any kind of misdemeanors, since the lecturers could find out which student is behind a particular blog and thus blackmail such student (bad stuff).

Nigerian youth are a tough lot. I believe if we want to do something, with the right attitude, it can be done. We are more informed now than our peers back in the late eighties. There is no need to suffer in silence. We are more motivated now because our eyes are open and we know our rights. It is about taking it. There is power in number. With a great majority of students taking up pickets in protest, or taking the necessary measures, things can be done right. We can start somewhere, no matter how small, or as the case may be, how big we accomplish. This is a big issue that has been malignantly extant for a long time now, and it still is a threat if not checked. There is no need pretending like this problem is not there just because you are not currently affected. Sooner or later, you would probably see yourself singing the blues ki'n se epe - (it's not a curse) - well, that is as long as you have a child, nephew, niece, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, mother, father studying/working or intending to do so in either of these shit holes we call our universities. Enough is enough! It is time to bring these guys to book! I'm quasi-part of the system, so I can only work from the outside. Those of you in the schools, there should be people you can talk to, so they'd get the word out and a first line of action can be thought out. If it's a picket protest, I'd be out with my tees, shots and sneakers sweating my butt off with y'all.

Students of UniLag, UI, Great Ife, OSU, Great UI, all Nigerian students out there, others used to be part or still are quasi-part of the system; do you read me?! Hola if you do!

Aluta, continua!

For Jaja

2007-09-27T18:18:00.000+01:00

So you like the sunset? well, it just got done raining here in Abuja and was on my way outta this plantation when I saw this pretty scene, yolk-yellow sun rays. The sun can be seen setting in the horizon. I have a crappy phone, but I guess it's the the thought that counts, eh!? It was/is prettier than this, believe me.

Set 1

Set 2

Abuja...

2007-09-21T18:24:00.000+01:00

ABUJA...in recent times!

I've been meaning to make a post on this, but since I started out commenting in reference to Chxta's recent post, partly talking about "Abuja", I feel it'd be good finishing it.

YES: Electricity really is bad. An office in Zone 3 has been operating with generator power, 24/7, for the past 1month. Go figure! They use a prepaid PHCN meter and yet they've been disconnected 'cos d owner of the building has some 'scores' to settle with PHCN

YES: MOST of the parks (green areas) are looking more bushy now. I won't take chances having a monitor lizard creep under my denim in the name of having some fresh air.

YES: Some places are beginning to record more okada activity than others. While some are legitimate motorbike owners, who use them for commuting, it's not surprising to see some who disguisedly pick people, just to get some fuel money. When u accost them, he says he knows his passenger and he's just helping him to his destination.

Make I no lie, I don do am one of those days wey money finish for my hand for Garki. I needed to get to Berger and god send one guy like dat. I whistle, d guy pull over, I tell am wetin dey, he say no wahala...I enter, end of story

YES: Water scarce no be small. Water board keeps having some bad reservoir being treated. SEE: Electricity. Some things can't work without power.

YES: The STREET AND TRAFFIC LIGHTS on Ahmadu Bello way (from Banex Junction to Apo side, imagine the distance) ARE NOT WORKING. I was on that road Tuesday night, so this is no secondhand tale. Not to talk of countless others within Wuse II, Maitama etc. It's not odd to see "Yellow Fever" abi na MotoPol dem de call them now, manning major traffic intersections, directing traffic and attending to accident scenes, like paramedics

YES: More on the traffic situation the Motor Police (MotoPol), Federal Road Safety Corps (FRSC) and Vehicle Inspection Officers (VIO) are everywhere molesting car owners & car users. You find them at about every nook and cranny, usually by heavy traffic junctions, lying like predators in wait of their prey. And is it only me or are all the traffic lights in Abuja suddenly gone bad? Or is it the no-power situation that has caused this to be so?

- Instead of ensuring smooth flow of traffic when the traffic lights aren't working, some times, they just sit at the corners waiting for motorists to break traffic rules, and then they jump out to flag the driver off the road. They quote some 'laws', then they fine u or impound your vehicle. You are expected to go to their office to claim your car. Unless u do an on-the-spot "settling".

- Some times, when the traffic lights are bad (which now appears to be almost every time, safe for a few places), they wouldn't control traffic. But when there's a bang from two vehicles colliding. Out they come and then you hear the 'laws' being invoked again and the next thing, yeah, your car gets impounded and you are expected to go to their office to claim your car. Unless u do an on-the-spot "settling"

- The FRSC & VIO would readily nail you as they keep an eye on safety belt use, for both front sitters (driver and frontseat passenger). Once you don't have the belts in place, you're pwnd. Other reasons to get in trouble with these two groups: broken/cracked headlamps & windshield, lack of fire extinguishers (on extreme cases, an axe) and some other 'vague' things I can't remember now. Consistent drivers would know better...

On safety belts: Just this afternoon, I was absent-minded as I stepped in to the cab and got on the way to Garki. I forgot to secure the belt and buried my face in the reading material I had on me. Just by the Hilton, the driver was doing this Simon Templar move when suddenly the car swerved twice, sharply. Before I could say "snickers bar", I had to stop myself from lounging headlong into the windshield. If I had my belt strapped over my shoulder, the jerk wouldn't have been that bad.

So see, it's good to wear your belts...never forget to do that, first things first, as you are about to move the car.

...All in all, the skies here are still blue, the sun is shining and burning brightly, the beer's still cold and the peppersoup and suya still burn sharply in the mouth.

Have a lovely weekend all.

Speak Up Nigeria

2007-09-21T14:03:00.000+01:00

SPEAK UP NIGERIA!

From the Nigerian LightHouse team comes another progressive initiative: the Speak Up Nigeria Campaign. This campaign is an avenue for Nigerians to air their opinions, make suggestions et al, on issues bordering around Nigeria's existence and the challenges that go with nation building.

Every individual within our borders have one or more things to say about how stuff works in this country. There are a lot of voices out there, those that do not leave the four corners of a beer parlor, at the newspaper stand, in the classroom, living rooms...almost everywhere! Voices of change that go unheard.

The Speak Up Nigeria Campaign creates an opening for passionate individuals to send a message to their beloved country. Efforts are being made within the country to get proper representation for Nigerians; and in this digital age, the Nigerian Lighthouse team goes one step further in promoting the nation's interests using technology and other tools out there, such as the internet. You want to be heard? Then all you need do is:

Instructions:

Write a message to Nigeria. Whatever it is you have ever wanted to say. Your message can be long or short, funny or serious. Just send a message to your country on its day of Independence. The top 5 messages will be selected by the Nigerian Lighthouse Team and voted upon by the Nigerian blogger community. The best message will receive an IPOD NANO and the winner will be announced on October 1st.

Only one message per participant is allowed, so make it a good one! Send your message to nigerianlighthouse@gmail.com and make the subject ‘MESSAGE’.

Deadline

All messages must be submitted by midnight (US Eastern time) on Saturday, September 29th.

Restrictions

1. One entry per participant.

2. The winning post will become the property of Nigerian Lighthouse.

3. All participants must provide their email address.

4. The winner may be asked to provide their name and address to receive their prize.

The Nigerian Proclamation turned out to be a successful drive, getting some attention on the BBC during the 2007 election period. We are confident that the Speak Up Nigeria project will get similar, if not more publicity. The Speak Up Nigeria campaign coincides with Nigeria's 47th Independence Anniversary on October 1st and has been decided as the right time to also commemorate Nigerian Lighthouse’s inception. This is an attempt to encourage and foster unity amongst Nigerians.

For more information on the Speak Up Nigeria Campaign and similar futuristic projects, bookmark:

* Nigerian Lighthouse

Extras:

* Speak Up Nigeria
* Nigerian Proclamation

This and That

2007-09-10T16:46:00.000+01:00

Weekend

Weekend was okay, especially Saturday. Practically stayed in bed till three pee-em cos it was raining all day. Had breakfast and lunch in bed. It hasn't happened in a while. The joys of having a woman in the house. Big sis took good care of me, etc etc

I've found a new love in John Saul! Dude got me gridlock'd on my bed all Saturday as I read from where I'd stopped days go to finish, the page turner "Black Creek Crossing". Just my type of bloodcurdling book! There is humor even in the place you least expect to find it.

The book starts with a gruesome murder carried out in the house at Black Creek Crossing and then the story goes on to bring in the girl whom she and her family moved into the same haunted house in another part of town. Enter the scene: a boy, about the same age as Angel. He is a photo enthusiast. He always had an élan for the kind of spookiness he felt from taking pictures of the house. Both kids are treated as outcasts in the schools they attended - the girl from where she moved from and meeting the boy in their new school. The two kids were brought together by the same "weirdness" that surrounded their lives. No one liked them in school, they were punked and bullied by the rest of the highly socialized students. Still, the other kids wouldn't stop at giving them a helluva run in school. Even when these two chose to be friends, the other kids still found something to taunt them about.

Then the part of the mystery shrouding the house the girl moved in to. The stories about the murder in the house and ghosts of the building's former inhabitants lurking about. The two lads set out to find out more about the past of those who'd lived in the house and all that went with that. In the process, they uncovered a lot of stuff, with witchcraft at the fore of their discovery. Long story short, they mastered basics of Wicca, got back at their school tormentors, killed both their parents and in the end they took their lives. Sounds simplistic but the thing is John Saul knew how to raise my furs from his storytelling. I'm eyeing four other titles:

*The Manhattan Hunt Club
* Midnight Voices
*Black Lightning
*Nightshade

Next stop, currently reading: Blind Run

The Diaspora

The other day a friend of a friend of one of a member of the "League of Boys" joined us for a drink. As the night wore on, with more bottles poured and the 'spirit' taking its toll, the arguments shifted from one banter to the other. Then the external body from the group became the butt of the jokes 'cos he just returned from Yanki. One of the boys has no qualms saying $#!+... He started yarning about how our friend from Yanki is a butt-kisser in the white man's land and says all sortsa nasty stuff about Naijas living abroad. I got incensed and our argument just gave me an idea for a post about letting the guys abroad be.

I mean, give me a break, really! Back here at home, there is no incentive for wanting to stick around. A lot of the youths are agitating to run away at the next opportunity that shows up! They'd rather stick their necks out there and kiss ass than be in Naija doing the same, they'd rather work their butts off out there, doing all the jobs no one else would take, than come here and face the mismanagement, agro, corruption and what have u! To some extent, one's gotta be kissing ass for good in terms of something to show for it in terms of living conditions. Cleaners out there, though they might living space with other people, but the system and infrastructure functions and just 'cos of this they don't mind sticking their butts out there, against the odds. Of course, a lot of them steel themselves against the harsh treatments they'd receive while trying to get past the immigration officials in their destination country. They know they'd be hunted down, but they still give up whatever peanuts they have here, just to get out.

A majority of Naijas out there aren't there out of will any more than they have a control over going-ons back home. It's just 'cos they got born in a foreign country: most of these Nigerians are born into households where their parents got job transfers and had to move with their families from way back. In a way, they established a niche there and raised families. Others are born into families of immigrants who sought for greener pastures. Of course, the kid wouldn't just grow up and look himself in the mirror while taking a dump and say, my color isn't of the majority here, I want to go back home and fix myself up. Nope! There has to be some sort of connection to their background.

Now a lot of immigrants who leave the shores of Naija after having had it bad at home before they managed to scale through immigration would want to relinquish most of what they've left behind: the bad memory, culture etc. So it'd be hard for such ones to want to talk about their homeland as often as it should've been done under ideal circumstances, not even to friends and mayhap kids, when they have them there. There's a sharp contrast between this group and those who legally immigrate and want to genuinely contribute to their new country. There are Nigerians out there who make us proud...a lot of these do come home and pitch in where they can. These are commendable acts.

Back here, at home, there's still a lot of sycophancy. Most Naijas will rather kiss an oyimbo's ass than do it to/for their fellow Naija. You know, psychologically it makes a lot of difference. It hits harder being hurt by an 'insider', someone you'd call a 'brother', than from someone on the outside. So in small office settings, project teams the 'yessirmasir' keeps reverberating off the office walls. Peeps wanna belong and get accepted by the oyimbos who don't really give a rat's ass about them, anyways. They just wanna make their monies and leave.

I'm not in anyway endorsing the mentality of "checking out". I'm not saying either that we'd be nasty to foreigners around us, either within or outside our borders. I'm just saying sticking around here doesn't make us any more patriots than those who are away for the right reasons.

I think i need to get a Coke.

AUGUST

2007-09-03T15:13:00.000+01:00

August

I'm gonna miss August, for its statistics and in memory. Duh, it's my birth month and this year, I discovered I know more "August-babies": well basically, new friends and people from the past that I had to reconnect more with at this time.

1. My most recent niece
2. One girl like that, from a project team
3. A friend from the past (Just reconnected)
4. A new friend, from another friend.

In August, it hit 6 years since grandma was buried. That year was my first visit to the hometown and it was fun. Grandma died some three months after that visit.

In August, a lot of things I won't bother going into happened that I'd categorize as crazy-random. August 2007 will remain in my infamy.

Gripe:

I can't find a draft to my intended post, so I'll just upload some random pics taken (not the best, just from a fuzzy night). There's some stories behind each incident, but I'm too pissed now to type 'em up:

Henney:

Suya (with all the fire, one would wonder if there'd be any charred meat left. Couldn't get closer cos of d smoke)

He-Goat (I dunno how old this animal is but it stinks up the whole place, beside this office I go in to work in Maitama).

Ijekuje (Random lunch)

Horny sketch

Area 11 (Beside Grand Mirage...Port Harcourt Cresc. By the way why is Ibiza and The Grand Mirage with all that goes with it have to be on "Port Harcourt" crescent? Do I see a trend here with Port Harcourt!? :) )

Why do people type "common" instead of "c'mon" or "come on"?

Why do people type "your" instead of "you're"?

Why do people type "quiet" instead of "quite"?

And these aren't just mistypes, they are like part of every day conversation!!!

I'd brb...

*seethes away*

Today...

2007-08-27T17:27:00.000+01:00

Morning

So I awoke this morning at a quarter to eight a.m. I didn't know it was that far into the morning already 'cos it's been raining from late at night. I didn't even know when dad left for his trip this morning. So I laid back in bed, played some music and munched on some candy, trying to wait it off, but as it is, 9am there's no sign the rain is abating. Maybe the mistake I made was not getting up to shower and do other "get-ready" stuff, so I can leave when I wish. Instead, when I saw it wouldn't stop raining at 9, I started heating bath water and doing all the other stuff. 9:30, it's still raining hard on the roof, I pick up my umbrella and rucksack then walked outta the house.

Rode a bike to the bus stop, the streets are wet and of course muddy. Life in the 'burbs! Any how sha, no much vehicles on the road. I wondered how many people are like damning the consequences at that moment, snuggling their pillows or loved ones in bed. I fought the thought of regret from being out there in that cold weather. I miss my bed and the smell of my room, Snooky and Snookum lying idly in bed till I return, the jar of Chocolate spread beside my pillow, always there to console me when I'm feeling down. Aaarrgh, I tried to forget..as I walked towards the long bus, popularly called "El Rufai bus". It's the only one around headed for Abuja city at the moment, and I wouldn't waste time messing up my boots waiting for a car to pull over, so I jumped in. Looking about in the car, I saw faces numb from the cold sitting at the backseat already. I paid and then took a window seat. I hate it when someone else controls my access to fresh air when I'm going to be riding for over >10-20mins. I took out "Nighttime is my time" (which by the way is a frigging good thriller) from my carry-on and started reading, while waiting for the driver to move. Some dude just bumbles in behind with water dripping from his raincoats. I could've cared less if he didn't decide to sit beside me and grinning at me. I'm like, "Hey, you sure are making me feel warm..." and he's like, "Ok, sorry o! Oloyibo" He gets up, takes off the raincoats and resumes his grinning. I could see him from the side of my face. He takes his seat again and decides to look interestingly into my book, sighing "hmmmm, hmmm" every now and then. He then decides to make conversation when he noticed I was getting pissed and distracted. So I looked up and he's like, "Hmmm, what book is this?" I turned the back cover to him, waited long enough for him to have seen the title. When I try to turn it back and resume reading, he'd be like, "wait, wait, wait first..." He did it like thrice. Sheeesh, man, I feel like jumping u right about now just that with his height and the girth of his hands, I don't stand a chance. Maybe a kick in the groin will fix him...? Next thing he says, "OK...is it in volumes? Which volume is this one, 1, 2 or 3?" I'm like, it's just a novel, maaaan. Now if you can suck your thumb and let me be? No, I didn't say that sha. Maybe he could read minds, he did let me be till I got off the bus. Public transport self na wa.

I got to the client's site, 1hr 30mins late. Ho hum, fire me! Nah, I know you wouldn't even think it. You know you need me, your system will fail without me here and it'd take you months to recover...ego trip, ego boost, yada yada. Before I could settle down to work, the talk from last week about a laptop getting filched turned out true. So it happens that everyone that came within that building between the last day the laptop user was around, saw and used his laptop (Tuesday) and when it was discovered missing, after his trip (Friday) have to make some sort of statement at the police station. WT...? In the light drizzles, we were all packed into a jeep and rode into the Maitama Police station. At the entrance to the station, the faces seen look hungry and angry. One of them had this, 'Una don bring us chop' thing going, by the smirk on his face, perhaps smiling inwardly at the thought of more money-making from the stream of culprits, "bailers" and the sorts streaming in to the premises. All my life, up till that moment this morning I've never had to go into a police station. I only remember going in with a friend who went to pick up his car. He doesn't have a parking space in his crib, but decides to always park his car at the Police station. The building looked so unkempt on the inside. Safe for the signpost at the entrance, it looked like an abandoned structure where some vagrants put up temporarily at night. Such a huge contrast from the surrounding area, with the beautiful buildings in Maitama looming over with huge columns, colonnades.

As we stepped inside the building, I felt this whole elementary school scene buildup in my head. The whole corridors messy with water from the roof spilling inside, and feet splish-splashing as they walk over the puddle. Everyone was making small-talk, drinking tea or just trying to dry off their uniform. The rain touched lives this morning!
We were ushered into this room where stacks of "Office Flat File" folders spewed out paper brown from dust at the top of the shelves. I saw a sign somewhere that I couldn't be arsed to read, but I still managed a glance say that "...The Police is Your friend. Bail is free" line. There were "criminals" seated in for some sort of "hearing" and before I could say, "Star Spangled Banner", an officer of some sort hollered that they be taken back to their cells till "someone" who apparently isn't there "provides something" shows up. New customers have arrived, it seems. They were filed and hustled out of the room.

As we took our seats, a lady officer came in and shouted to the officer-in-charge:

Lady Officer: Oga, na dem be dis o!
Officer-In-Charge: Ehen, una welcome. Dem say una steal laptop...

WTH? I had to try to keep a straight face. It felt so real, u know, those whole storylines from the Naija home movies. Pidgin English, uncouth and unprofessional looking officers, dressed hagardly.

Lady Officer: Oya, I wan share paper so una go write una statements. Na who no sabi write here? Na who no sabi write English? All of una sabi write?

She raises her voice as she kept making this announcement. Before she could embarrass herself some more, one "big oga" from a nearby office walks in with a frown and asks "what's going on here?" They give him a background of "these people" and he asks us into his office. In retrospect, I liked his "cut the crap" approach cos after some short introduction, he was able to narrow down his search to some "suspects" and my colleagues and I were asked to leave. For the moment, we are not "case material". I wouldn't be surprised if I'm called back for some reason sha, since I handle most of the hardware there.

What a way to start the day, not after I felt some reluctance to work self...

Barry White

I listened to my "Ultimate Barry White Collection" this weekend and being alone didn't just help. It stung inside me like frostbite, you know that numb feeling on the hand, after spending hours in very low temperatures. That's how it felt. You know, Barry sure has a way with words and his voice is soothing. I'm no lady nor am I trannie, but I know it'd have some wonderful, tummy-churning effect on them ladies, say, you are lying in bed with him and he's talking dirty or whispering those sweet-nothings in your ear, cooing warm air in your ear. *goosebumps* You know what I mean? YEAH. But thinking about it, with all those charm and allure in his personality and music, I wonder how often Barry got it. I mean, no offense to anyone really, i mean like really, and when I say really, I mean really: Not that he was that overweight and I know people who are much bigger than he is who get it and still get it, but my question is did he get it as often and as much as he deserves? Not that I should care, but it's just something that kept roaming in my solitary mind this past weekend as I sat down and listened to his songs. He probably got enough before he died sha and maybe he made the lady/woman or ladies/women happy.

These are the words to the one song I had on repeat most of the time. Like some of my friends say, it's a good baby-making song. Enjoy!

I’m Gonna Love You Just A Little More, Baby

It feels so good
You lying here next to me
Oh, what a groove
You have no idea how it feels
My hands just won’t keep still
I love you, baby
Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you
I just wanna hold you
Run my fingers through your hair
Ooh
Outta sight
Uh-huh, right there, you like it like that
Closer
Come here, closer, close
Oh, baby
Oh, baby

Give it up, ain’t no use
I can help myself if I’d wanted to
I’m hung up, no doubt
I’m so in love with you, for me there’s no way out

‘Cause deeper and deeper
In love with you I’m falling
Sweeter and sweeter
Your tender words of love keeps calling

Eager and eager, yeah
To feel your lips upon my face
Please her and please her
Any time or any place

I’m gonna love you, love you, love you just a little more, baby
I’m gonna need you, need you, need you every day
I’m gonna want you, want you, want you in every way

Make no mistake for I’ll hold back knowin’
This time it looks like lover is here to stay
As long as I shall live
I’ll give you all I have and all I have to give

‘Cause please her and please her
Any time or any place
Eager and eager
To feel your sweet lips on my face

Deeper and deeper
In love with you I’m falling, yeah
Sweeter and sweeter
Your tender words of love keeps calling

I’m gonna love you, love you, love you just a little more, baby
I’m gonna need you, need you, need you every day
I’m gonna want you, want you, want you in every way

BRB

Let's Do It

2007-08-17T12:53:00.000+01:00

DISCLAIMER: This is a spur of the moment post, so try and connect the loose ends.

I am Nigerian! From my childhood, there's been an endless bombardment of fear, which I won't bother listing here. But from those of us who grew up in the traditional family, you can identify with the whole conservatism. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being unaccepted. Fear of failure. Fear of this, fear of that. Most of our lives has been hijacked by fear and it impedes progress. But now, things are taking shape as I try to fight these traits I find unacceptable and unrealistic in step with the times.

As a people, unfortunately, that inborn fear is almost taking an intrinsic feature in our lives. It shows its ugly head more often in decisions we make. Just like any other proud Nigerian out there, I will love to see this country reach its full potential and exceed it. Giant of Africa this, economic/financial hub of Africa that, the efforts have to start somewhere. Just read this interesting and provocative article by Chxta and all that went with it. Funny how people tend to misread intentions (as is obvious by talkbacks to that post), but I'm not going to assail any of the opinions therein, here. The thing is efforts need to be collective. There's power in numbers. While there is definitely going to be differing opinions on how to get us "there", synergy is needed, not bad-talking.

I tend to be a groupie and while that word carries some negative nuances there is nothing wrong with trying to get things done with the help of others. At the same time, it is wrong trying to defer things to other people, to get the work done for you. That attitude doesn't help with progress. And that is another attitude prevalent in our society, trying to shirk responsibility. Why should I hurt myself and let others have the fun? You know, poke the task with a stick from a safe distance, no need dirtying my hands. In the end, we'd all celebrate the success. Now when there's success, we see people trying to take credit for what isn't rightfully theirs. That attitude does not help! I am not immune to this, some times, on some matters. It is a fight between what I am and what I am trying to be and striving to be it. When there's failure, I take responsibility. It's hard to be brutally honest, but how many people out there are willing to take the smear, even if it is temporal and would help make things better in the long run?

It takes time and an overall overhaul of our thought process and actions. Education is important (duh). Sacrifices HAVE TO be made. For those who have already taken up their lance and shield. Kudos, and way to go! And for the rest who are struggling, but are yet to be on the front line, but are making every effort to be useful and contribute meaningfully (in this category I fall in), may we muster enough gumption for what lies ahead. It would not be easy, but with unity and a common goal, we can get ourselves there. No need trying to outdo the other person or try to tear down his efforts. Where he is lacking, you try to help, but at the same time you watch your back so you don't break while helping.

A great number of Nigerians don't think. And when they eventually think, they are afraid of what the result of such thinking will mean for them. They'd rather deal with the status quo, no matter how bad it is. And still, even when the change does come, there will be a lot of bad-talking and resistance to change. It's good to criticize, but constructive criticism is what helps. "Patching up" will not help! It is time to "fix it", it is time to push for change. As Catty said in one of her posts, "...they are too busy with the business of surviving." There's too much struggling to do trying to get food on the table, to even have any time to bother about being creative. It's a vicious cycle! Of course it isn't an enabling environment, but there's no reason to despair or balk. There's much word around that motivates on "what to do", now there should be a shift to "time to do", which is NOW.

I'm a groupie and I'm game for change. I'm ready to do what it takes to help build a life for my society, myself, and my unborn loved ones. Let's do it!

A lovely weekend to y'all.

God

2007-08-14T11:02:00.000+01:00

God IS Love
God wants the best for us
God loves us
God gave us life
God gave us freewill
God wants us to be happy
God is jealous
God wants us to love Him
God wants us to do His will
God wants us to use our "freewill", pleasing Him
God is gonna punish us for misusing our "freewill"
If we don't use our "freewill" as God pleases, then we are gonna get pwnd
Now how "free" is this "freewill"?
We shouldn't question His decisions and sense of justice, right?
Just a thought...

ROOOAAAARRR!!!

2007-08-06T16:20:00.000+01:00

So I'm a year older today. Boy, it begins to get scary after a while. I've been stuck in this joint since a.m. Work trynna kill the joy of the day, but I'll resist soon and go have lunch/dinner with my friends. They are hosting me, so I can't say no!

Just a short one- for me!

By the way, I saw a lady this weekend and she had this sexy top on, which read, "My boyfriend is out of town". What should I have done? If I remember, well enough, I just gawked and perhaps I never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.

"From this moment, on"

Every time i watch this video, I get goosebumps. It's so annoyingly sweet. Enjoy!

Casual

2007-08-02T12:38:00.000+01:00

In my blues the other day, my thoughts wavered in between different stages of my childhood. I'll talk about two incidents that came to mind, randomly. Since my page has been begging for an update and it is early August, heck, my month, I just thot I'd write something. Warning: This is boring so if you don't want to end up pulling your hairs off your scalp, just hit the "x" button, it's the first button at the top of this screen (window). Or rather, click the next available hyperlink [DO NOT CLICK, like, really] .

So, here goes:

Bode

I created a shelter for myself as I grew on the Lagos mainland. While I never got to understand why the class distinction at that early age. But I knew one thing: most kids had what I didn't own. I protected myself, in my way, something that's stil part of me hitherto. Back in elementary (primary) school, I remember this ajebota kid, Bode. He gets chauffeured to school every morning, with his mom sitting by his side. As he gets out of the car, his mom leaves him with a food flask and a parting hug. Bode and I rarely talk about academics, it was like a routine: He comes in every morning, sits down and eats his breakfast in class. The teachers knew him so there's no punishment for eating in class. Next thing I turn to his direction and he motions me with his head, I walk over and sit by him, open his flask and gobble down the leftovers. The kid seemed to be anorexic cos really it doesn't look like I had "leftovers", he barely touches his food so I eat the bulk of it. Even after all the warnings I get from home about witchcraft transfers, I could resist Bode's meal pack. And Bode didn't look like no ogbanje kid. Na correct boti and at that age I knew I was safe. After the meal, we settled down to read comics he smuggled out of home: Green Latern Comics, The Incredible Hulk et al. Like a planned show, I return to my seat without any remorse from either of us. Kids are meant to be that way, no hard feelings. I don't even get to play with Bode during the lunch break in school. Heck, I couldn't tell where he usually is. All I could remember is that he sits in solitude during those times. Not like he cares either. The next day, we'd resume our schedule. It was fun while it lasted. I guess his parents wanted him to mix up with the local kids so they probably enrolled him for just a term. Bode and I parted without any close bond whatsoever. It was just the food and comics, no sense of attachment. I guess we weren't meant to be friends for that long. He left just as he came in to my life - the transience of innocence.

Face me, I Face You

You know those compounds that feel like barracks? You have it almost everywhere on Lagos mainland, except for some housing estates in places like 'lere, Ikeja and the like. Sha, except for the eldest bro who got born in a bush somewhere in Delta state during the Nigeria civil war, dad and mom rolled out the rest of us in an apartment somewhere in Shomolu. As grown ups, we sit down together sometimes and recount those days. Every one in that building had a nickname. The only four characters I can remember from that experience are:

1. Iya Ewe: The woman who sells ewa olo'mi and amala at the entrance of the building, with smoke from her activities coating the whole building in a grimy black, no kidding. You could touch the wall outside and your palm will be like you soaked it in black paint.

2. Jato: The alfa (abi is it alufa) that lives in the room, at the extreme of the building. I never knew the effect of penis meeting vagina at the time, but I knew something was amiss with the amount of female traffic in and out of his room PLUS he's never the friend of the older gossip folk in the compound. There's always a reason for fights every Saturday. Oh, I remember also, my big bro watches football in his room, to the chagrin of my parents, of course.

4. Alhaji: He's a closet herbalist. Gets all sort of visitors coming in to his room everyday for "help". He buys loads of weird things to make concoctions: live chameleon, crocodile egg, black soap, turtle, snails, shells, eggs of different creatures, he burns incense at night .

3. Baba Liyadi: A quick run down of what the compound looks like: In the toilet, kitchen and loo, you could hear people walking past the street behind, talking. It is an open house. No kidding, there was no drainage there, it was 1 general loo and 1 general bathroom for 15+ tenants (15 rooms of course, but counting heads in each room; families [father, mother & children], bachelors with their hobo friends, you know what I'm talking).

Bath water and other dirty water flows out of this gaping hole on the wall, at the lower part of the bathroom. The other disposal alternative was the big open gutter that runs through most streets in Lagos, in front of the building. People would have to carry the whole mess through the main building's passage until they reach the outside gutter and pour. This is the only one time in my lifetime, up till now that I ever saw my dad in fighting mood. It wasn't a funny sight cos I was scared shitless, but my dad held his ground. Baba Liyadi is usually in and out of the police cell and the period the scuffled happened, gossip had it that he's been in the cell for 1 week +, so he was a free but still frustrated man. What caused the fight? As the story goes:

Dad was in the bathroom. Iya Liyadi did her dishes and poured the dirty water into the bathroom floor, fully aware someone was having a bath at the time. So this was seen as a deliberate act by popsi.

[*-splash-* dirty water from Iya Liyadi's dishes flows into the bathroom]
Dad: Who is that crazy person that poured this water? Didn't you realize someone is bathing?
Iya Liyadi: Ehn? Who are you calling "crazy person"? Woo, ogbodo jade o! Woo, waa ro go [Look, you'd better not come out, you'd see "hell-glory"] *hiss*, useless man!

Popsi stormed out of the bathroom, walking straight into the bait. Before he could reach Iya Liyadi, cursing, Baba Liyadi jumped out of his room into action, seizing my dad by the neck. Dad had his towel by his waist, totally taken unawares but he managed to resist. He managed to knock Baba Liyadi on the tummy, with the man almost keeling over. Then the neighbors came to the rescue. To cut the whole shindig short, Baba Liyadi took the case to the Police and somehow, it was resolved sha. Both heads of families became good friends after that incident.

The only reason we left that place was 'cos of the Local Government Council's quit notice to all the residents of the building. Mom teases dad about it, a lot! Like most houses on the mainland, there's no plan whatsoever for erecting them, this house doesn't fall short. The building was actually built on a road and then there was X, you know, that huge, red X mark that the civil authorities mark on disapproved buildings. We had to move on short notice, I think a week or two before the demolition. No, not really a demolition, it was more of a re-structuring, cos it was the fencing that got trimmed, to allow passage for the road. Other than that, I think the building still de kampe.

No. 30, Olaleye Street, Shomolu, Lagos.
Landmarks: The Shomolu central mosque and the Local Government Council, both on Durosimi str.

I never went back to that place since we moved, not like it mattered. Dad and mom lived there, before we also came to the world - 30 years, accumulated.

So just a run down of what it is like to live in a "face me, I face you" apartment. Those of us who were privileged to grow up in such hard-knock environment have a lot to share:

a. Bathroom: You wake up early in the morning before the rush hour period of 7-8am, where about everyone else in the house (students and workers alike) are struggling to use the 1 and only bathroom and toilet. Sundays are worst depending on where you live, cos almost everyone is getting ready to attend morning service. A lot of the time, you have to queue to bath and you won't hesitate to outsmart the next guy who's waiting to do the same, but slacks.

When you use the bathroom next after some people, you'd find soap lather on the wall and sometimes, uh, on the floor, phlegm that wouldn't be carried off by the running water.

b. Kitchen: Your neighbor knows when it's just kpomo your wife is using for your soup, or crayfish. Whether or not you guys have rice on the weekend. Some houses don't have kitchens, so your corridor is converted into a mini kitchen. As you pass Mr. Simeon's door mount, you perceive rice & stew, Mama Aboy is making Ofe achi with okporoko etc. At any given time, you know what your neighbor is gonna have for supper or their daily/weekly meal cycle.

c. Toilet: I lost count of how many times I've been hard pressed, making a run for the loo and when I get there, someone is comfortably spraying the environment with what he's got. Don't even let me start with how tidy the place is left after some people get done with it. It's a miracle I didn't get no extras from my growing up years.

d. Washing: Again, you work against time here. Saturday, everyone is doing laundry and there's just one to three washing lines in the whole compound (depending on the space available). You need to outdo your neighbor by starting out early to occupy more space for your clothes to hang on once you are done. Else, you are on your own. You wash and leave 'em in the buckets till someone else' close gets half-dry. Other times, you throw them on the fence and you watch lizards have their way mating on your washed clothing. :)

e. Child rearing: You children will have friends they take turns beefin at at different times of the week. As a parent, you'd be gung-ho over whose child your kid would flex with and what child's mother is a witch, and therefore, you don't want your child eating anything in their homes, under whatever circumstance.

f. Interactions: Gossip, there's no better way to engage in it! Most women who live in "face me, I face yous" are home-makers, so they have all the time in the world to know why Mama Nkechi had a miscarriage or maybe her mother-in-law was responsible for it. You'd know why the man next door has been loitering. No, he's not on leave, He was fired. You'd know how many abortions the landlord's teenage daughter has undergone etc etc. And you don't want to see a fight going on in a "face me, I face you". U know, the whole loud swearing-dirty boxers-kpata-brassiere stripping type.

I think I'll stop there for now. Next time you are in Lagos, take a ride into the mainland (Ebute-Metta, Shomolu, Mushin, Mafoluku-Oshodi, Agege, Ketu-Alapere) and get a firsthand sighting for yourself. And when you can help it, step out of your car on the roadside for a stick and feel it. It's fun from the outside. For those on the inside, it's a beautiful struggle! :)

BRB

Et Al

2007-07-23T12:42:00.000+01:00

I see their mouths moving, but I don't hear the words uttered
I am far away, lost in my thoughts
Why is this meeting dragging? Actually, I haven't been sitting there for more than five minutes
I writhe in my seat, from discomfort, even though there's no reason for that
The seat has enough cushion to soothe my butt
Pockets of sweat start to form on my forehead
I excuse myself from the party, some matter of urgency needs to be attended to
I instinctively, headed down the hall, that's where the room should be
Pirouetting, desperately looking for a cue
Ah, there it is, I turned the knob without thinking twice
One more door to go, I twist the knob, bang the door shut
I fumble with the internal latch, under normal circumstances, it shouldn't take more than 10 seconds to get it set in
But it takes a while, as my body trembles and my palms get sweaty
The sweats from my head trickle down my nape, soakin my shirt collar
"zwip" goes the zip, I pull down my slacks
One more to go, I pull down the undies
I settle on the throne, heave a sigh of relief and smile to myself
'Ah, at last!' I muse...as the overstayed visitors leave my system
I whip out my phone and decide who's next to receive a text

-- Le Dump

Live Free or DieHard

I saw DieHard-4 at the NuMetro cinema on Saturday. DieHard 4 is the best of the series I've seen, yet. Unlike M:I-3, even at the 4th part it still exceeds expectations, from the first to the heart-throbbing last minute, it was worth the wait. I kept shifting in my seat, with my underpants kinda moist from anxiety. Daaamn! Cyber-terrorism and all that jazz. Bruce Willis is good...He doesn't want to step down for his seed...not like has to do that, anyway. I enjoyed him in Lucky Number Slev7n, another bad-ass movie. It's a must-see, if you must!

Trivia - Why I turned in late for work...

Here are the top 10 examples of the most unusual excuses employees offered their managers for arriving late to work, Source:

1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.
2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what "really" happened.
3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.
4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.
5. I just wasn't "feelin' it" this morning.
6. I was up all night arguing with God.
7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.
8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.
9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
10. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around... so I got out of the car.

Hope y'all had a good weekend. Just thot I'd stop over and show some love. I'm in backville, for the moment.

Eric-Jones-Michael-Yerima

2007-07-18T20:29:00.000+01:00

Eric-Jones-Michael-Yerima: we both wrote the SATs bac in 2005. We just did it for the helluvit, unlike most of the kids who were there, those ajebotas millin about and trying to form turfs for the 3 or so hours we socialized that day. Me and Michael Yerima were there by providence. We hit it off immediately and I found him interesting, weird sense of humor, just like me. He's got good head on his shoulders and thinks fast. The kinda guy that can get you in and out of trouble. He sees it all, but wouldn't say, so you've gotta be one step ahead, or at least try to be, when you are with him. We exchanged contacts and tried to keep in touch post-SAT. The first few months was all right, we e-mailed back and forth, spoke on the phone as need arises...Then the loud silence...no e-mails, no calls-zilch! It all happened so fast we both didn't know it was happening. Some dry weekend like that, some guy I don't have on my chat list sent me an IM on msgr:

Name: Eric Jones

He says I know him...hmmm, well, I play along with him. I enjoyed his quirks and before long, he says he changed his e-mail address etc. No phones anymore, so I can't reach him that way. Uh, okay, no problems, I'll try and be in touch in this manner. And we did. Before long, we lost touch again. This time, there's no way to reach him. Once in a while, he sends e-mails from this weird-ass addresses, but no probs, at least we are in touch. Oops,hell naw, he was gone, again! Hmmm, this kain friend na wa o! I just decided to take my mind off him...

So one Saturday, AGAIN, I jejely de bed na im my fone vibrate. Gbbrrrrr...I checked, and it was him who text...he had my number from somewhere and just got in touch. He's in town and would want us to meet up. Good stuff...we exchanged messages back and forth, how disappointed it was losing touch and all that. We pledged that hell or high water, this time, we MUST meet before he sneaks out of town back to school (He's in ABU-Zaria). We agreed, everything looked positive.

Two days before our supposed meeting day, I decided to call him just to confirm everything will still pan out. Every dial got a "network/number busy" feedback. Hmmm, I paused a while and noticed we were both preventing each other from getting across, unwittingly, of course. This has gotta be good o!!! Beer don suffer! His first words were:

"Man, I know you'll kill me after all we've said, but I'm gonna say it anyways..."

I've learned to expect ANYTHING and EVERYTHING from ANYONE. I knew where he was headed, but I told him I needed a good explanation this time. Little did I know dude's been going thru hell. Dude's got serious issues, peoples! But I wouldn't go into all the details here and now. We talked about the past, from the last time we set eyes on each other, after the exams that day, up till that VERY minute we were speaking. It was good to know everything, the name changes and all that shit. We spoke from 12am till, I can't even remember, but I remember I didn't sleep till very early the next day. Dude's a soldier in this life, man! He's seen a lot of hell but I decide to not act surprise. I give him some of my own weird stories too and we both laughed it off, like it was all normal, but later before hanging up we both admitted to shocking each other.

Why couldn't we meet this time? Well:

1. He'd rather leave town before he offs his old man. They've both had it coming and before it ends up in NewsLine, someone's gotta leave..

2. Earlier in the week, he'd made a trip to Jos to find his immediate older brother. He found him, quite all right, but dude isn't gonna come home. He'd rather be taken dead than come home alive. Never wants to set eyes on their old man, either. They best be apart or else somebody's gotta die

3. The eldest brother is alive and well, but would rather be left alone wherever he's holed up. They can be the best of friends apart rather than physically around each other. Every man to himself...

So my homie's at that stage now where his brothers took off. I tried to talk him into maintaining some sort of contact with the old man. He's the last straw and if he goes, the man would probably give up the ghost. Losing ALL YOUR KIDS like that? Their mom's been divorced for as long as he knew how to zip up his pants after peeing, so that's not even an option. Every man to himself.

I feel bad for him, but he's taking it as a man. I'm proud of him. He's tough, I admire that. When I'd thought I had it bad all along, I didn't know mine is quite manageable. Guys, give thanks for what you have o! You never know what people are going through out there. I know he's got a good head and we've pledged to each other that we'd both stay in touch. We'd fight together soon, on the fronts and we'd prevail. We know what to do and we've both started out on that journey...

Arrivederci, for now, my good friend, Eric-Jones-Michael-Yerima, I sure know you use either of those as your real name. While you remain an enigma, I'd be glad to help you through whatever it is life throws your way. I've gotchur back!

So that's where I've been, my people. I've been hit by bouts of blues lately, but I'm steering away from it. I'm back to myself again and hopefully I'd be back to the norm and more, soon-ish.

--

I just read "Flags of our Fathers" , and boy does that book takes it to a whole 'nother level, probably 'cos it's as real as the nails on my fingers. It's worth the skipped lunch, I beg. Kai, I'd want my son to be a U.S. Marine sha...those guys are bad! But on another thought, it's good to know the price of freedom and why we shouldn't balk in the face of a threat to our existence. And yet, some stupid people want to stay politically correct. Let me not even start on that, self. It's 2030, so I've gotta head home now...

brb...

P.S.: You tell a child to act normal, but they grow up and act normal, but you don't like normal. So do you stop liking them? Your choice! -- A.Y.

P.P.S.: My current favorite font is Eras Demi Light ITC ,try it on MS Word when next you are there... ;)

Gift

2007-07-05T01:33:00.000+01:00

If I knew you were going to leave that day, and in the conditions we parted, I'd have left you at home and gone out alone
It was unfair that our time together was cut short, but thinking about it, maybe it happened for good
You were my alter-ego, you knew just what songs to sing, what pictures to show me to make me feel better, you had it all
Even when I was at odds with my relatives, those that are very close to me, you found a way closer to my heart In the eyes of others, you don't look like you're worth it, but I appreciate every bit of u 'cos I knew what I did before I was able to get you
Now that you are gone, everything that belonged to you seems to bring about memories that make me nostalgic I rest, assured in the thought that I did not give you any reason to leave me that way
Providence obviously had a different plan for us altogether, a plan which I still find hard to accept But in all, I look out every day with hope, wishing you are happy where you are
No, not wanting you to stay there, but to come back to me, where you belong...I hope

Ode-esque to my Sansa - October 2006 to March, 2007

I lost my first mp3 player ever, in March 2007, it didn't even last up to 6 months with me, so sad! I'm usually very careful with things like that, so how this one slipped outta my hand beats me. I've settled to either of two things:

*One of those boys took it while I wasn't paying much attention, apparently I was too busy that weekend that I slacked on my paranoia

*It slipped off in the cab I last boarded. Ever since that day, I always check the cabs as I alight to make sure I don't have anything on the seats. I've come close to losing a phone that way, too. And most of the cab drivers can't give a shit less, they wouldn't holla at me if I'm mistakenly leaving something behind.

A week before this past Friday I was working feverishly at placing an order for a replacement mp3 player but for some odd reason the payment wouldn't be processed faster. I really don't believe in the "Every disappointment is a blessing" maxim; but this one happened to be so. I'd have been expecting the new one in the mail, without knowing I'd be getting one as a surprise soonest. And when I do, I'd be having two of them. Not that it could turn out a bad thing having two of them, but if I'd known earlier, I could channel the bucks into getting something else, like a camera. Actually, now that it's happened, I'd just use it to get a kewl camera.

So I got home and opened my box, not expecting the surprise I got, but I found in the bigger box, this docking station:

Then in the smaller box, I found this:

Excitement! It's so good to be back...

I was supposed to come with a different update, but the comments reminded me I haven't posted about my package from the weekend. So, as usual, BRB! :P

And the week ends on this note...

2007-06-29T18:32:00.000+01:00

Just a short note...

Surprise surprise, I saw an e-mail from admin sayin there's an urgent meeting for staff at X-restaurant, from 1pm, prompt. So I was wondering what could be so urgent that we can't talk about in the office? Hmmm, this oga is beginning to act suspicious sha.

I'm gonna catch a ride now, so i'd just wrap it up. The boss' urgent meeting the boss arranged was actually a surprise party in the "Exclusive" lounge of that place o, appreciating his staff. How sweet of him! And I got two boxes and some other stuff I didn't bother checking there for being the longest stayed employee in his shebang. I can't wait to get home and give myself a treat.

Yeah, some aproko were already asking me what was in it, even though they all got some "recognition". So anyway, I shook the box and it sounded like some gadget in it! He knows me so well! Everyone also got two tickets free for the movies that'd be valid till July. I'm still trynna figure out when I'm gonna use it...

Oh, btw, someone from the GrapeVine is in Naija and we'd be meeting up later on next week. That should be fun, it'd be the first time we meet. I'm looking forward to that and some other unexpected things that might pop up that week...

The weekend's ended on a good note, so I hope y'all's gonna be fun, too!

Be safe, don't bloat and don't drink too hard on yourself. You could call me for help, as i'm readily available to take on such responsibilities, with all due pleasure!

Love y'all!

7 Things you don’t know About Me...UNTIL NOW

2007-06-25T11:52:00.000+01:00

I've been trying to dodge all these type of stuff for a long time now, but Jaja got me at a time when I had some spare time.

1. Every time I look at the number plates on cars, I try to do some number sorting with what I see: Ascending to descending, vice-versa. It happens almost every time

2. If I'm going to be using a computer for more than a week, I tend to change the basic settings: Windows theme (Usually Windows Classic with some color scheme; I hate all those darned graphics that eat up "memory"), desktop background; install Mozilla Firefox x.x or Apple's Safari BEFORE I settle down to use.

3. If I get a new book, I like opening it up and smelling it, it's odd, but I do. Sometimes, I do it to the food I'd be eating, too. Mom's scolded me countless times over this, but I almost can't stop. I usually do it when no one is looking.

4. I talk to myself when I'm alone. I basically rehearse scenes or create new scenes. Like what I'd do if I find myself in "A" situation, how I'd react, what I'd say and stuff.
Usually, you see me smiling and you'd think I'm losing it. I just probably remembered a past incident either a physical encounter or some interesting part in a book I read, or movie I saw.

5. You almost always find sweets, gum or some snack in my bag. Open any carry-on I usually go about with and you could just be doing a lucky dip!

6. I'm used to stocking toiletries and stationeries et al. I worry that someday, I might run out of money and I wouldn't be able to afford these things I'm used to, the bare necessities OR that the "system" will collapse, there wouldn't be these things available and it'd be only a matter of time before my stock runs out and then we start eating ourselves.

7. I'm an impulsive buyer. If it catches my eyes AND I've got the means - bam, I go for it!!! Very risky, esp. when I carry these debit cards and ATMs at almost every corner in this town. Thank God say I never upgrade to credit card level, it'd be another story.

One jara no de kill...

8. This is more recent; I find it hard to turn away from book deals and it almost always happens that my type of books are available at those places, so I end buying a lot of them. I have close to 10 I've yet to read and I know very soon, I'll finish the rest of them.

STRIKE:

Thank God the strike is over. I knew by Friday things would be back to "normal" latest before Monday (today). People were already tired of the whole thing self. The govt agreed to return the VAT from 10 to 5%, some more indigenous share in the refinery sales stakes (wateva that'd help with), #70 per liter for petrol (the price for petrol they say would not be reviewed for the next 12 months, so after 12 months of holiday, we should expect anything) and then price per liter for Kerosene and diesel will return to what it formerly was. I wouldn't say Labor got a fair deal, but what can one do?! This martial state we find ourselves in in Naija, na God go save us. The "leaders" know they can just squeeze the masses, and when Labor cries foul, they could always reach a settlement, with the rest of the population accepting their fate, no massive protest. Under those circumstances, Nigerians would scream from their living-/bedrooms, with remote control in their hands over how the government is run. No one wants to die for any kind yeye cause. I wouldn't be the first to get slugs out of my body, sha and that's where the problem lies.

I won't go over this, now...gotta get back on the grind. BRB, guys! And y'all have a good week ahead!

How It Do?

2007-06-18T14:12:00.000+01:00

Hallo [peeps], how unu de? I've been so busy I hadn't enough time to update. Anyways, I'd just drop something haphazard, so I wouldn't be gone for too long:

De Profundis ad te Domine:

I finished reading "The Sixth Sense", small but very weighty book. I did feel bad for Dr. Crowe in the end. All along he never knew he was a goner, but the little boy from the onset saw it all. It had this twist from the "Ghost" movie, though that had s'more lovey-dovey thingy going in it. I want me a sixth sense, too. I want to be able to help people who are trapped in time, in the 'other world'. Nah, actually for more selfish reasons. Even though I'd love to help such spirits (if at all they are there), I'd want to spook people with such powers and do some other interesting things, like "going places", basically benign stuff. By the way, in this part of the world with so much superstition, I wonder how far I can go with that? Dem go say i don turn winch and I could get myself in trouble. Sometime ago I talked about my interest in telepathy, out-of-body projections and psychokinetic manipulations. I'm up for it o! But keeping it on the hush...my alter-ego is far away now, but we do what we can with the distance.

By the way, I can't seem to control my spending habits when it comes to book deals. I do a lot of walking, so when I stumble over all these book stands, I can't seem to turn away from them: Get six books for the price of five. And good titles and genre, at that (Mystery, Espionage, my favorites). The only self-control I have is to stop myself from spending my bus fare home. I'll try to add my own takes on each of them I complete reading as often as I do.

"Corn-Stops":

I had a funny incident the other day. I was walking past the bus stop when suddenly that strong aroma filled the air. Nothing more than roast corn o! (It's the rainy season again, so it's the norm, with small pear/coconut to go with it). I stopped short in my steps and started to look around to locate the joint. From a distance, I saw the usual barb where they spread them to roast. The mixture of colors on the corn already leaves me wanting: the original orange and black from where the coal's charred it. I could taste it with my eyes...as it were. I made a dash for it . As i scrambled my pocket for some change, the followin conversation ensued:

Me: Madam, how much be dis one? (pointing at one of the ones on d barb)
Madam: Dem don buy am...
Me: Dis one nko?
Madam: Dem don buy am, too. In short, this "girl" don buy this and that one, and this one...(she was pointing out all the ones paid for)...and that one. See ehn, she just de wait make dis one self done so she go carry am join
Me: Haba! Wetin I come de do here? (Disappointed, I shoved my bills in my pocket and prepared to take my leave)

The "girl" proceeded to say something. I thought she was going to change her mind about some of the purchased corn. Instead, she said:

"Girl": Madam, I no be "girl" o, I be woman! Na my oga say make I de dress like this
Madam: I beg, make u no vex (laughs, then adds), na as u dress cos am

When I looked up to check out the girl, she was wearing this very tight leggings, so tight it gripped her "cheeks" and calves, making a good show. 'Not bad sha', I thought to myself. By the time my survey reached her face, ol boy, I had to control myself from lawl lawl lawl. Dis one na "old mama youngy". She had a petité, all right, but her face's wrinkled and she had eye shadow on, with very strong cheekbones "charred" with mascara, blending with bright colored lip stick/gloss. So I felt her embarrassment: Dressed to kill, trying to be young, but her age says differently. The funny part was when she said "Na my oga say make I de dress like this"...hahahaha, the man obviously still wants to be stunned.

I have a skeleton to dismantle with the corn-stops and the setup sha. I mean, like seriously, what's with the queues? Looking at the crowd from a distance, I thought it's a newspaper stand, but on close inspection, I find out it's just another joint. Not everyone has the patience to wait while madam gets the chaff off the corn (or is it the other way self), and then after the whole drama, I wait for it to be roasted. There should be bigger barbs that can contain larger quantities of corn at the ready, so it's more like a PPW (Pay, Pick and Walk) service.

And what's with the #30-40 per handset charge? As if the chronic price increase for other market items isn't enough headache. You lose customers that way. Since I started spending quality time at these joints, I see a lot of people get angry when they come ask, "How much be this one?" and after they hear "#30/40" they grimace and move on. Man must live. The poor shall survive. With those prices, how'd you intend contributing your quota to feeding the masses? What'd you tell St. Peter @ Heaven's Gate when he asks why you made that man die of hunger that evening by denying him corn? Truth be told, a good number of the working population spend an additional 10-20mins after work hours at these joints. Add that to how long they spend munching at it and waiting for vehicle to take them home. This is a very important "sector" that is sometimes overlooked. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. We have an ex-President who owns a huge farm, and when I say huge, I mean huge. We'd petition him to help Nigerians by launching one more of those OFTN (Operation Feed The Nation) programmes; he can get more land that'd be churning out enough corn (and pro'ly other cash/food crops) to stem this rising menace of queues at corn-stops. As if the queues at the gas stations aren't enough. By the way, that's another story...

Gas situation:

Nigeria is Africa's leading oil producer and one of the world's largest BUT we don't have enough of the shege for local consumption. There's always hiccups in supply. Does it have to be so bad? Most other oil producing countries don't have it this bad with their local oil consumption (Not saying they don't have their own domestic issues to deal with like us, but then...). An often made remark is that OBJ met the price of oil at 20-something Naira when he came to power in '99 but he left it at close to a 100 bucks as he left. Again, I'm not saying that I'd rather go back to the military era, but I guess we've established some common ground on something wrong with this picture?

I'd develop a headache talking about the high cost of living in Nigeria since OBJ's handover on May, '29 2007 A.D. Recently, sale of a local refinery, 10% increase in VAT, increase in the price per liter of petrol has created a very tense situation since handover hitherto. The Labor Congress is threatening a strike if its demands to return to the former figures and other issues aren't met (by the way, the LC has been barking for sabre-rattling for some time now without much effect). There's so much elasticity of demand in Naija (Economics students, GCE Nov./Dec. question expo). The price of everything has gone up noticeably. Ashawo will charge more 'cos it cost her more than usual to pay to get to the joint that evening; "Madam" at the corn-stop will add her own "tax" on the corn, so you get to pay an extra 10-20 bucks for a handset; beer gets the usual tax; Not to mention taxi cabs etc. The situation is really bad. At the bus stops, you find a crowd similar to those you find after a good football game at the stadium. Everyone is frowning and wants to get home quick; ready to outdo you when a vehicle comes along, you get elbowed, pinched, kicked and your shirt dirtied just 'cos you want to board a bus to your destination. For the unlucky ones, their cellphones gets pilfered or they lose their cash/wallets in that crowd. Then you pay #200 for a usually #100 trip, an extra 100 bucks. Then there's the chronic, 10-20KM long traffic for those like us traveling to the 'burbs EVERY FRIGGING DAY! A lot of people do not earn enough to ride it through till their next paycheck (or cash). This article from IjebuMan's corner says a lot, too about "Being a Nigerian", though I don't agree with everything it says. People get home frustrated and is there any wonder why some women get a black eye? 'Cos after the man goes through all those shit on the daily, the last thing he wants to meet at home is a nagging midear. I'm not saying that should be a way to vent, but things like this happen and you hear a lot of people blame the system, which again is wrong!

Let me not get us distracted! Bottomline: the fuel issue needs to be resolved soon and fast. It's responsible for a lot of ongoing social difficulties. Hopefully Yar Adua will reach an amicable consensus with Labor before the situation gets any worse than it currently is and we can walk about with less wahala to fume about...

How was your weekend?

Speaking of "walking about", I had a sorta cool weekend. In summary and with some additional info:

*Had a lot of chicken
*Had plenty beer
*Watched "SwordFish", starring John Travolta. This guy is a natural actor.
*Kissed an alsatian puppy. Sorry, couldn't help it but in between all those fun and crawling on the rug, the cutie was sniffing around and while playing with it, he took what's left of the chocolate bar off my mouth. Some people have had it worse, so I won't complain much. Again, if I may add, it's a cutie!
*For the guys: To reduce the effect of a hangover, or to even prevent one: Have your beer with plenty cheese/potato chips (Pringles, Krackas et al), vegetables (salad mixes), chocolate bar, grilled fish/beef/chicken. It goes a long way to help
*Smirnoff Ice is wack drink! Let's get more STAR Lager, Gordon's Sparks et al in the system. I didn't have a good experience with Ice taste, especially. My gripe IS NOT with the aftereffect. Anyone with similar experience?

Well, that's it for now...and before I go, I saw an interesting top I was too broke to buy. It IS Irish 'cos it had a puffy and bearded face on it holding a big jug of beer...It read:

"BEER: Helping ugly people have sex since 1865"

Lol! Classic!

PS: Way-to-go, Blogville Idols ppl

Union Bank

2007-06-05T16:23:00.000+01:00

I went to Union Bank on Friday to make a cash lodgment for my buddy. But when I got to the entrance, it almost looked like the bank was handing out free #1000 bills cos of the crowd at the bank's entrance. I didn't bother finding out what the fuss was all about, so I walked straight in to the banking hall for serious business.

At the entrance, I noticed this wall plaque that read:

Our Mission:

To be the foremost financial institution with the most satisfied customers

Our Vision

"To be the best of the best to bank on"

OF COURSE! What bank wouldn't want to be ALL that? This was at the Abuja main branch in Garki. As I stepped into the hall proper, the air conditioner couldn't contain the height of CO2 in that place men. It was so humid in there with all sorts of ppl: sweating, pregnant, tired, snoozing, chatting, standing, moping, you name it. I asked for the deposit slip and some guys standing beside the counter started laughing at me. I couldn't tell why. Thinking about it, since it was the end of the month, I felt the crowd I saw were mostly people who came in for withdrawals. So they probably were laughing at me for thinking I could get stuff done and leave asap. It was sort of related, as I eventually found out.

I walked over to the counter and looked at the worn out lady behind the counter:

Me: Good afternoon. Please, I need to make a deposit...
Woman: *sighs* Join that queue...(she lazily threw her arm to my left so I could see for myself)
Me: You mean, all these people are waiting to make some sort of payments? I thought they are only here for withdrawals O

The woman just ignored me. The group of men that were laughing earlier started again after they heard her response. This time, i got sorta furious, but I didn't show it. This is me, leaving some things unattended thinking I could just dash in and out of the bank, but see me o! I managed to speak to some guy with a better countenance who told me he's been coming back and forth the bank for the past four days without being able to get access to his account. Mind you, this was Friday. It was the end of the month, salaries tied in their different accounts and people needed to get some cash baaadly. I now understood why there were so many people loitering outside the bank. Just as we finished talking, one man was shouting at the top of his voice, down the banking hall...

"What rubbish?! This is nonsense. You people make me come here to pay in my money and now it's time to get it out, it's wahala? WHat nonsense! What sort of rubbish is this?"

I left that branch and thought I could be fast and use another branch, but same story. They even referred me back to where I was coming from. WHY ALL THESE? SO yeah, long story short, the bank was upgrading their "systems". That's the mantra the staff kept dishing out that day and I'd bet the previous days.

Human errors, we've got to give them the benefit of the doubt. We can not be sure of 100% up time in business and all that. But why couldn't the server (or whatever they were doing) be migrated over the weekend, say starting late after work hours on Friday and then the I.T. department be made to work in earnest, ensuring everything is up latest Tuesday? This was at a very sensitive period and people are made to suffer like this. Whatever happened to banking with ease, with all the technology available these days? Heck, even some ATM machines are broken and they are usually "temporarily out of service" for weeks if not months. It's really bad and as I speak, Union Bank is still not operating. They even have a message on their web site greeting you with an apology.

As I walked out of the bank, I read another sign on the building...

UNION BANK PLC..

BIG, STRONG, RELIABLE.

Reliable...indeed.

Misc:

I'll leave you all with Helga's satire of the current move by the US to be more environmentally responsible. I know it's a weird web site AND post, but humor me!

Warning: Might be insulting, proceed with caution: For those with my weird sense of humor, enjoy! :)

----------------------------------------------------------------
Hallow Noble Savages,

I am Helga Mohammed el-Salami, Liquid Generation’s gas-guzzling (and emitting) uncircumcised, pre-operative transsexual and I am pissed as poo about the greening of America. Now that the celebrities are on the Global Warming kick along with their robotic spokesmodel, all you neophyte environmentalists have replaced your light bulbs, bought Priuses and started turning down your air conditioning. Congratulations. I hope you dislocate your shoulder patting yourselves on the back. Judging by the continued success of Inconvenient Truth, panic sells better than sex.

So after you’ve gotten bark-burn from hugging all those trees, go home, take a shower, shave your armpits, and listen up: you’re all blithering idiots. I can’t wait until the day I don’t have to listen to your preaching any more and whining about my gas-guzzling fleet. Green this, green that. Unless you’re talking about green beer, you can all kiss by big...black...Hummer.

When was the last time you heard any whining about CFCs? DDT? The Ozone hole? Indeed, you will be hard pressed to hear any of the panic mongering from the last century. I know all the pot-smoking really harms the short-term memory but let’s have a refresher.

In 1906, Upton Sinclair waxed tragic about the state of the meatpacking business in the US. So after I cried for Jurgis Rudkus, I went out and fed my sorrow a delicious cheeseburger that likely contained 1x10-5 parts feces rodentia. And you know what? It tasted absolutely the same as the last time when it might have contained 1x10-3. Figure that if you eat a burger 3 times a week for 20 years, you will, at some point, dine on of 1x10-12345 parts Jurgis’ finger (although now it’ll more likely be Juan’s). Yet, despite all the rats and cannibalism and oppression of young immigrants, you’ll still be bitching about your blood sugar at an average 77.85 years of age.

In 1962, Rachel Carson launched a thorough and successful assault on pesticides commonly used in agriculture with her comedy masterpiece: Silent Spring. After nearly 45 years, DDT is no longer used. Every organism on the planet has what was once considered a lethal quantity of it in its cells and the human ones are still alive to bitch about the worms in their raspberries.

My favorite: 1968, Paul Ehrlich prophesized in The Population Bomb that by 2050, there’d be so many of us that we’ll all be living in a 2000 story skyscraper that covered every inch of the earth. Construction challenges facing such a structure would limit socializing to those several floors away. We have some time before 2050 but let’s not pour concrete in our swimming pools quite yet.

And finally, in 2005, the esteemed Jared Diamond, author of one of the most insightful and profound books of the previous decade: Guns Germs and Steel, tried to break the wave of his success on Collapse, a book about the failure of societies due to a laundry-list of (mostly environmental) issues. It’s too soon to render a verdict on the bearded Professor since he wisely chose topics which cannot be gauged within a human lifetime but the book itself was a real steaming pile of environmental compost. I can’t resist quoting Fred L. Smith Jr Competitive Enterprise Institute: "[a] jumble of jigsaw puzzle pieces laid out on the table - no structure, no serious organization." Indeed, I was so pissed after reading this book that I wanted to rip out all 592 pages and use every single one to give the author paper cuts between his toes. Then set him out barefoot on the New Guinea lowlands about which he can’t seem to shut the flock up. But this isn’t a book review and I digress because I’m getting all worked up again so I’m going to end this paragraph prematurely: *SPURT*

Now then, I bet you couldn’t identify a single one of these panic prophets if I held an ozone hole over your head. You can identify Gore because he was once the Secretary of Vice Presidency or something like that. What’s the point of my incessant mockery? That we will survive. We survived before and will again. And if we don’t, if the polar ice caps melt and the oceanic currents stop, and if the ocean washes inland a further 500 miles then at least we’ll prove Paul Ehrlich decisively wrong by dying en masse! And then we’ll prove my real-estate agent decisively right by increasing Chicago property value. Then we’ll have a surviving world with a much higher average IQ without LA or the Middle East to drag it down. Even though the fish that take up residence in the former will be pretty while those in the latter will likely make their females swim behind them.

Print that out and paint it Red # 5.

Helga Mohammed el-Salami

[If you’d like to read more of Helga’s angry ramblings, please go to his/her website right now before he/she finds you, and eats/sheats you for dinner

That guy over there

2007-05-30T20:46:00.000+01:00

Most of us have friends, people who matter to us. We try to meet up to their expectations. I am one of those people who have these gifts called friends. And as most gifts, having friends comes with a lot of responsibility. The thing is, I'm now at this IDGAF stage and I don't want anyone to look up to me, to set this standard for me. I set the standards for me, I call the shots! I mean, this life is mine. When, God forbid, shit hits the fan, I wonder how many of these career advisers, morality preachers and so-called "opinion leaders" will be there to help clean up the mess. So I say, lay the fuck off my life, already! I can't please every one and I can't live my life trying to.

So to my friends out there: I love you all! But hopefully y'all will learn to take me, scoin-scoin and all. And for those who'd find it hard dealing with the real me, take me as 'that guy over there', 'cos well, that'd do you some good instead of working your hiney off worrying over what you need to take a chill pill on, or perhaps just let be. It isn't like I haven't always been the real me, it's just that the mind works in a selective way and people tend to see what they prefer to see in you and when they don't, they try to "fix" you. I'm not broken and no, I don't need no fixing. Next page!

Nollywood:

So I was in the waiting room with my friend who went in for a head scan the other day. I didn't mind the TV at first until I heard the following lines:

All this stuff doesn't mean anything. Money, this, doesn't mean anything without trust. I have to be able to trust you with my life.

Snap! I looked up quickly, looking out to see my man "Ace" from the movie Casino (one of the best movies I've ever seen, btw). I could have that movie on replay on a good day and I'll never get tired of watching it. Just writing that part reminds me of this scene where one of Nicky's boys pissed Ace off. And he said to him:

"You took your boots off? You put your feet on the table? You shit-kicking, stinky, horse-manure-smellin' motherfucker you. You fuck me up over there, I'll stick you in a hole in the fuckin' desert."

[Click here for more quotes from the movie]

He's so foul-mouthed, that one! That movie was an explosion: Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro...

EHEN! Back to reality! After I heard those lines I thought it was my favorite movie that was on o, but when I looked up from my book to the TV, who did I see? Ramsey Nuoah (abi na Noah self) was talking to Genievive Nnaji. Worrahell? It was this Nollywood-Casino-wannabe movie sha. OK, well you guys had better get something better to offer through this movie after using that line from one of my best of the bests! To even think that was the only thing they stole from the movie was underestimating them o! These guys completely stole the whole storyline of Casino! The whole nine yards! Kai, Nollywood sha. The only difference is that in this movie, Ramsey was some big boy, butt kicking kingpin, every other thing was from Casino. And no, I won't give it to them. They didn't do a good job stealing and that was the annoying part. That was an insult to my favorite movie and I demand a compensation from whoever directed Rip Off 1 & 2 (that's the title of the Naija movies, for those who care to check it out). Heck, I shouldn't even help them with the publicity, but that goes to tell u how much it got to me!

To Nollywood: It's not all about churning out 100 movies in a month (that's pro'ly an understatement). It's more of quality and the memory that sticks for a long time. So stop with the intellectual property stealing and what not! Let's look within and get ideas for movies, instead of living off what this other people have worked so hard on. And if you have to steal, well, you'd better be good at it.

End of lecture!

Misc:

So I saw this one armed bicycle rider today. I dunno how he does it. He actually looked comfortable on it, which means he's been at it for quite sometime. He was soft-pedaling on the sidewalks. I think that was impressive o, like what you'd see in a circus. I know some stunt ppl do ride without holding the handles and stuff, but this one was cool cos this guy is handicapped. So yeah...

Online Transaction

2007-05-28T21:10:00.000+01:00

So I just performed my first online transaction ever in Naija. "What's the biggie?", you might ask. Well, it is o, because in such a place as Naija, with "fast guys" everywhere you turn, you'd be taking the whole internet security/online transaction thing as half-truths. So today, I just felt the urge to break the jinx. And break it, I did. I renewed my passport on here. It was really seamless. And for those outside Naija, you could actually apply for your visas online from the 2nd link titled "Visa Application Home" on the left side of the page.

What made it more interesting was how quick they debited my account and sent a confirmation to my e-mail almost immediately confirming the transaction and stuff. It felt so cool that things are looking more easier here. Though the site said secure, I'm going to be logging in to check my balance the next few days for anything odd with it oO!...maybe the PIN has been intercepted by some g33k somewhere who'd now come back to pwnt me. Yeah, that's my paranoid self talking...

Anyhoos, just thought I'd say that and wish you all a peaceful handover tomorrow. I'll be sleeping in and doing some writing...so we'd see, coming back in one piece by Wednesday. I know it's just a day in between but with the whole hype on TV, it looks like Naija's about to go through a nuclear holocaust...Who say democracy na moin-moin?

Love y'all

The Nigerian Proclamation

2007-05-28T20:48:00.000+01:00

IN RECENT HISTORY, NIGERIANS HAVE BEEN OVERWHELMINGLY BETRAYED BY THOSE CHARGED WITH ADDRESSING THEIR NEEDS. INSTEAD OF SERVING THE PEOPLE, PUBLIC SERVANTS HAVE SERVED THEMSELVES TO THE DETRIMENT OF THE MASSES. THE RESULT IS A NATION LACKING ADEQUATE INFRASTRUCTURE, ORGANIZATION AND SECURITY.

THE INEFFECTIVENESS OF NIGERIAN LEADERS INDICATES A LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY TO THE CONSTITUENTS. NIGERIANS ARE NO LONGER RELEVANT TO THE LEADERS, THUS, LEADERS DO NOT FEEL RESPONSIBLE TO THEM.

THE RECENT FAILURE TO CONDUCT A FREE AND FAIR ELECTORAL PROCESS WAS YET ANOTHER ILLUSTRATION THAT THE NEEDS OF THE MANY ARE SECONDARY TO THE WANTS OF THE IMPORTANT FEW.

FROM THIS DAY, ALL NIGERIANS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FUTURE OF THIS GREAT & POWERFUL COUNTRY. CONSEQUENTLY, ALL NIGERIANS MUST COMMIT THEMSELVES TO THE FOLLOWING:

1. WE MUST DEMAND THAT ELECTED OFFICIALS BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS AND IN-ACTIONS.
2. WE MUST EXPECT DEMOCRATIC PRINCIPLES TO BE HONORED, RESPECTED AND MAINTAINED.
3. WE MUST BELIEVE THAT ALL NIGERIANS ARE EQUAL UNDER THE LAW AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH.
4. WE MUST APPLY OURSELVES TO IMPROVING THE LOT OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL NIGERIAN REGARDLESS OF GENDER, RELIGION, TRIBE OR SOCIAL STATUS.
5. WE MUST STRIVE TO MAINTAIN A UNITED REPUBLIC DESPITE OUR DIFFERENCES.

ONLY UPON ACHIEVING THESE PRINCIPLES CAN WE AS A PEOPLE FULLY LIVE UP TO OUR POTENTIAL AS A LAND OF GREATNESS. FOR OURS IS A COUNTRY RENOWNED FOR ITS ILLUSTRIOUS PEOPLE, AMPLE RESOURCES AND SHEER PHYSICAL BEAUTY.

See Me See Wahala O

2007-05-25T16:06:00.000+01:00

I would normally have taken this to "Dear Passion" to handle but I figured since I have "What It Is", serving as my mouthpiece, I might as well use it.

Ever since Ex began giving off the slow but sure-coming warning sign [see her reply to my comment], that soon all my kaya WILL BE thrown outside till this finalé [see comments exchange] (now that is a story for another day), AND in my bid to remain proactive on the whole shebang I started eyeing one program like that.

Within the past two weeks, I started dropping hints, and thought I'd switch gears by applying some lovey-dovey stuff. 1st phone call since I switched gears: "Hi boo.." ... and we spoke. Maybe she decided to ignore that usage? Hmmm, believing that the first attempt didn't hit it, I sent a text recently with "boo" in it also. Well, all these instances nothing was said up until our conversation yesterday:

"Boo": Hi
Me: Hey, watagwan? "Hi" sounds cold to me...
"Boo": *after long pause* R U interested in me?
Me: Like hell yeah, what do you think? What sorta question is that, btw?
"Boo": Did I in anyway make you angry, recently?
Me: Well, yeah, but that's no big deal, we've dealt with it and moved on, shey?
"Boo": OK...if you say so...but something has been bothering me and I want to talk about it...
Me: *haba, isn't it too early for this?* Uhh, well, let's hear it.
"Boo": Why did you call me a boo? I checked the dictionary and the definition of a boo means to shame somebody or to show disinterest in somebody. If you are interested in me, why would you call me a boo? I did not find it funny at all and I just thought I'd tell you
Me: *Trying to keep my "cool" and also keep myself from lmbfao on the phone. I thought as much, all those unreactions to my calling her "boo". This must be it...*
Aahhh...I'm sorry you got it all wrong. You are right about that dictionary definition, but you see, you cannot find most slangs defined in dictionaries, for a few exceptions and specialized types. "Boo" in the context I used it means "girlfriend", it is an endearment and I did not mean any insults at your person.
"Boo": *after a long silence...and in a pouty tone* I just told you o! I don't like it. But if you say so sha...If I don't like anything, I usually speak my mind
Me: No wahala...

Wahala de o! Isn't it too early for this? Ehn? Chai, so next time now when I go say sugar-pie, she fit talk say I want turn am to food wey I go chop! I gats to open my eyes next time o, make I know who I de talk to. But as this one is still fresh, I dunno whether to wear my slippers and gbe ja or my people:

What It Do?

Signed,

Yosh in BedLam

PS: Happy handover weekend, all! But how can be happy when there's fuel shortage, ehn? See all the queues at the gas stations, it's not even funny. Plus transport cost has doubled just within these few days...Not only the fuel stations o, the Labor Congress is threatening to strike by next week, so I guess there's a connection between the strike and fuel scarcity, 'cos fuel-tankers (those trailers dem) are not supplying to the stations = scarcity. Even Children's Day weekend won't be fun. Which kain yeye holiday be this? Anyhoos peeps, enjoy it however u can...hopefully things will change before Tuesday! I go miss Obj, sha! *sniffles*

Now THAT...was totally random!

P.P.S: There's a frenzy with people trying to get rid of their old 5, 10, 20 and 50 Naira bills. It's so funny now when you whip it out, people would readily reject it...There should be a better way of exchanging these old bills for new ones, than just having people fear they are losing some money from having "old" currency...Naija sha

Got Beef...

2007-05-21T11:38:00.000+01:00

What is with higher education Naija!? I've always tried to ignore how bad it is but now it hits closer home when it happened to my brother. He applied for part-time studies in University of Abuja, chose a particular program and had to wait. The first class he attended on a Friday evening was not so what it was supposed to be. It was more like a trade meeting where the students had to negotiate with lecturers on how they can "succeed" for the semester. They were told they have to purchase and read-up 10 textbooks for their program, buy handouts and then get ready for the exams. I don't even want to get started on the handouts. The handouts look like some nonsense some dreary-eyed lecturer ends up scribbling by 12am, he then makes copies of it and sells to the students. Other lecturers are "civil" enough to take their write-ups to some cut-and-nail business center to get it typed with so much typos and grammatical errors that'd leave you wondering if this is supposed to be some lecture material. It's so pathetic. And in the end, they have the gutso to stand up and tell students that purchasing these parchments account for 10% of their overall semester scores. Students are in turn led into a frenzy of trying to purchase these and focus on them, thus distracting a lot of them from what they should really focus on for the semester-their course work, which should come from some other reliable source.

Lectures are conducted haphazardly. Tired students come into classrooms in the evening from their different jobs or whatever they keep busy with. Mr. Okoro thinking about the proposal he submitted that is yet to get "pushed" through sits there distracted, sketching or writing blankly in his book. Ms. Rose's daughter keeps crying in the lecture hall and gets interrupted several times with trips out of class. Cellphones are the norm with the students taking call in the classes. All the lecturer needs to do is frighten them with failure and the lot who do not even have time to open their textbooks know what to do by the end of semester - see Mr. Lecturer for "settlement".

The part that actually raised my BP was when he came back the other day with a letter for provisional admission stating his admission number and program. Dude applied for Public Administration, but on his letter of admission it was auto-changed to "B.Ed. Mathematics". What the flying fck? How d bloody hell is he going to adjust after all these time? He waited for over a year for this and when it was time, he got this. I just can't put in words how disappointed I am with this. I feel so bad and helpless. Ho hum, he isn't alone in this as a good number of students applying for preliminary studies get the same treatment also. Studying full time isn't any joke, either. JAMB screws people over, over and over again. And when you are done with JAMB, you have to go into school to face the madness. For the past year or so, there's been little or no news from ASUU. But this year, they've come up with a, "Hello, we're still here" message by going on strike. Mind you, I have nothing against unions, but for all that's Holy, there should be some measure of reasonableness when things happen to some sectors. Not Education, not Health, not Security. And even if it has to happen, it should not for so long before things should get corrected. But not in Naija...Doctors strike, Police strike and Universities strike. Not just for a day, or week...it goes for months or so. And we expect the society to thrive?

Dysfunctional! The system looks that way, sometimes. Private Universities are, well, private - made for the middle- and above middle-class who can afford it. Those who wouldn't bother flying their kids outta the country for better schooling send their kids there. But the average Joe cannot send his kid to a private university BECAUSE of the fees. The child will not be able to get a good education, one better than you can get from public funded universities, whether on the Federal or State level so he has to settle for less. Schools aren't producing the right type of graduates any more. You hear people talk about getting admission to school, the conversation is more of a, "Just go in there, do what you have to do, play with the system, when you come out, you don't have to work with what you went in there to study." Graduates come out and they end up with jobs they do not like, things they do not have a passion to do because they have no choice. They just need a job, they need to survive. There is no much contribution into society coming from the graduates of different faculties in the universities. "Engineering, Medicine" and other professional courses in the schools do not bring out people who are ready for the workforce. Our graduates have to go outside Naija for additional training and qualification before they can come home and help, IF they return, that is. Nigerians are running to universities in Ghana, South Africa, Malaysia, Indonesia (nitori olo'un), just so they can get away from home.

I know this is more like a complaint without much solution being proferred. The thing is, I feel helpless and I do not know where to start effecting any changes from. No reporting mechanism to check what these lecturers do. It starts from there...and even if you try to fix it, you'd be the scapegoat because you are in the almost non-existent minority. You'd never graduate from any other university in Naija. Things happen and then those responsible for the ills get away with it because that is how things have always been, I'm not the one to die and fix it.

Breaking The Habit:

I'm curious on smokers getting addicted to cigs. Other than knowing cigs contain some addictive substance, I don't see what makes it addictive. I know this sounds naïve, but i'm not trying to downplay the seriousness of the matter. The few times I've done it, and heretofore, I've yet to have an urge to go pick up one of those sticks again, unless I'm in the same scenario that even prompted me to do it the first time. So my questions are:

1. Does this addiction happen overtime, with constant exposure?
2. From personal experience: Care to share how long you've been smoking and what actually makes you keep doing it?
3. From personal experience(s): What makes it hard for you [or anyone you may know] to break the habit?

Misc:

I finished reading "Red Cloud's Revenge" today. Good book, met up to expectations, but with the incoming whites gaining ground eventually, but not so easily, it was expected. But it had enough details to raise the hair on my arm. Books have this way of telling stories that watching a screenplay of the same book does not. I'd try to get something else, soon. I guess this year's my year of books as I'm on a campaign to up my reading habits. It's paying off in subtle ways, I can feel.

Cont.

2007-05-15T11:37:00.000+01:00

Sorry guys, with gist coming in late. It's been hard trying to do this while at the same time having three writings to turn in to school. After working so hard on freewriting and trying to put my thoughts together, within the confines set for the exam (writing within confines is laborious for me, anyway) I found myself strolling into one of those darned Abj clubs, seeking solace and trying to reward myself for some of the hardwork, thus far. I should've known better to go farther up town, but my cheap-ass settled for this one somewhere out there, sha: The DJ kept spinnin' the same playlist all through the night and it seemed everyone but me enjoyed it (though I have to admit I did my own baraje-ing sometime in between, when it was still fresh from yard. It isn't like I know how to do it that well, but ho hum). There were loads of razz, fronting girls. Matter of fact we weren't all clubbers. It's more like a pickup joint for hoes 'cos everyone was coming to get laid. In he comes, upstairs/out they go both go, chuckling. Plenty sugar daddies with young girls "lapping" them to get free drinks, meat and "some". There were lots of smelly peeps too on the dancefloor, and on top of that, the tag on the beer was a bit above normal, higher than what you'd normally get out there. I mean, what gives? There's no justification for this. No fcking value for money. At dawn, with my head throbbing like I got clubbed, I got the needed quiescence from these two misters who were arguing about America and Amsterdam, which is better. Quite a debate. The pro-America was uber drunk and all he kept saying to this other guy who happened to be his "friend" was, "You're an illiterate! You are uneducated". The "accomplished" one who spent some time in Amsterdam, returned to Nigeria with a white woman and kids to show for it, kept yapping about how he's a "made man", as against Mr. Americana who traveled to the US on a fake medical visa, and after wasting two years of his life in America, has nothing to show for it, only to return to Naija with two tokunbo cars. He went on to tell how his friend sold the tokunbo cars and quaffed the whole money on casinos and broads. Quite a sight, believe me! 5am, with two drunks bawling, with their voices reverberating in the neighborhood. "I'm a rich man! How can you come and be talking to me anyhow at a bar? Show your worth. Do you know who I am? Look at you! I can feed you, your family and your next two generations. Since you got back from America, have you visited your village? Do your people know you are back? Look at you, hiding from one hotel to the other. Not just any hotel, you went from staying in Chelsea to some local joint because you've squandered the money you claim you have. I'm a rich man...I live in Minister's Hill, one of the best areas in Abuja and you can ask anybody...and you are here sitting and talking to me anyhow at a bar...I'm a rich man!"

Well, I give it up to the guy sha, he get bad mouth! Cos he totally ripped, filleted and silenced the other dude. I know I didn't add salt 'n' pepper to spice this up because my mind was still active. Nothing like cold beer in empty bele, with peppery suya @ 3am...your senses pique gaaaan ni. So I remembered everything that transpired, verbatim. Not again sha will I go this route, until I'll be rolling in like G-UNIT in "How We Do" into someplace that'd be worth the hard-hewn time AND of course, after doing some "market survey" and homework.

So I just had to get that off moi moind cos it's as fresh as morning dew. Now to finish the gist I started sometime ago:

Night trip:

Ehen, so after the ATM fiasco, we set out that evening for the trip o! Unfortunately, most of the coaches don't have sleeper service. If we were going to go by ABC, we should have booked two or three days earlier. Needless to say, we'd lost out on that option. So we resorted to going with Chisco and managed to squeeze ourselves in for the ride.

Some razz guys just took it upon themselves to freak peeps out o! That's what delayed us at the motor park. They had some very very very unkempt ~locks, with piercings and were acting ghetto fab. Now when it was boarding time, everyone had to be searched for weapons, and after that we wouldn't be allowed to have carry-ons, they started acting up, creating a fuss, making the already spooked passengers more worried that this guys fit cause wahala on the road o! So with heads peeping out of the coach windows like dogs headed for the vets, they all kept shouting that unless our big actors let themselves be searched, bags dropped in the luggage area, they will not make the trip. Everyone else would come down and let the boys ride. Men see exchange o! The boys weren't helping matters until some armed escorts came around to quell what'd have resulted in anything not short of a broken nose. Long story short, the guys gave up their seats and canceled their trips... *sigh*

Time to go now, as I'd expected some guy raised some 'worship' song. More than half the passengers joined in singing and clapping and eventually - praying. Speaking in "tongues", and some 'message'. In the end, he expected everyone to support the "Minister of God" and the "Lord's work" financially, so he started passing envelops to everyone. I tried to look away and he pro'ly noticed this then he shoved it into me. WTF? I bone sha...and I wasn't obliged to do anything so I didn't. When he came back for his envelop, I at least got one of his "Bless Yous", if that matters?

Vvvbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...the coach sped on, the night grew older and I wasn't enjoying my space. The two guys flanking me left and right were snoring loudly and giving me enough craw. All of a sudden, with the speed at which we were traveling, the driver stepped on the breaks and the bus swerved from left to right and back again, jerking and plunging everyone off their seats or at least rolling over a bit. "JESUS!", "Holy Ghost Fire!", "Bisimillahi", a lot of the passengers shouted. That incident quieted the snoring man for sometime. "Kai, na wa o! Driver wetin hapun nau? Kai, chai, this night journey self na wa o!". I chuckled audibly and the guy was checking me out like say I'm remotely responsible...as a blood-sucker, especially since almost everyone had just prayed for a safe trip, binding, casting and dousing in Holy Ghost fire all principalities, authorities of the dark forces that may try to botch our trip! By the way, he was saying "This night journey na wa o" like say dem tie him hands and legs, chuk in head inside moto to travel. *hiss*

Arrived our destination early sha and we wouldn't move an inch from where we alighted cos the city no safe. Until when the sky bright lights started undressing the dark from the night, before we now moved on. No long thing...we did what we did in that town and got back to the craziness in this place. Sorry I hyped it beyond the ordinary. Me self think say d gist plenty but now that I thought of it and put it down in writing, it came out, bleh!

In other news, Nigeria just launched a communications satellite. How this will improve internet use for the common man, is yet to be seen because most of the services this offers for now (C-, KU-, KA-, and L-Bands) are for high-end, enterprise solutions for multinationals, government establishments, the works! Hopefully there could be something done on the downstream for the local man like me...we shall see.

Y'all have a good week! I'll BRB

PS: 1155hrs, no bath, breakfast or teeth brushing, yet! *sighs* Life is fast-paced <<<_________(alibi)

O.K.

2007-05-04T12:56:00.000+01:00

I just finished reading "A Good Day to Die". What a sad ending! I actually pictured Beau shooting those bastard "Metal Breasts" and running the "White Chiefs" and their "Gary Owen"-singing flops out of the Great Plains, but no, the Indians couldn't help it any longer. This line was heart-wrenching, the last paragraph:

"The Dakotan turned, ran lightly across the road, and vaulted astride his pony. His hand flung up in a gesture which could have been either defiance or farewell.

"Hoka hey!" he shouted.

The squad of picked riflemen up the road were drill-ground proficient. A single volley brought horse and rifle down together."

How sad! Just earlier he had shown he wouldn't lay down his arms after about 300 defenseless men, women and children were massacred in cold-blood. I actually cherished the following lines:

"Do you know what they are saying out there in the macoce sica? They are saying that when a man has only enemies left and there is no longer any God, then that is the day to die. Already their spirits are dead out there. They look at this road they are being made to follow and they see nothing. It leads nowhere...They are still a nation. I will not let them live half-dead!"

And after he said that, then comes the following...

He pointed to the troopers of Easterbrook's escort.

"Those are my people. They know how to kill. So do I. Tell Bear Coat to send me many soldiers, all his soldiers, and he will see. Those are Sioux out there. Those are men. I will bring their spirits alive again. As long as I live, I will live with them. They are not going to be cattle, feeding heads-down on whatever is thrown before them on the grass of their own land. I am a white man. I cannot pay all. But I owe them that much."

What bravery! Most of us know what happened to the Native Indians in North America, though. But I sure love to read all the parts where the Indians fought back and did a lot of significant damage to the invading Whites. For a change, I will read "Red Cloud's Revenge" next. I'd probably get some good, sanguinary kicks from it.

Politics:

On the Int'l scene, can't wait for the bummer Olmert and his looney-team to be kicked outta office (...2, 3, 4). I think the Israelis have had it with him, already...it's just so sad it took this long for it to happen.

And on the local scene, countdown till May 29th...Yar Adua trying to sound all concilliatory, asking for all the other factions to "lay down their arms" and let them all work together towards building a great Nigeria. The opposition, to me, appear like a horde of beaten angry hyenas who at this point are barely hanging on to the little dignity they might have. They might either take the extended handshake, or keep rattling like paper tigers. Don't you just like politics? Hopefully a good number of Nigerians will not be swayed into accepting "money-bags" and then pwnt themselves for some BS-spouting politician who doesn't give a rat's-ass about them but will readily pay them off to their deaths. I can't speak for the illiterate mass, though, who are usually the soft spot for this.

The gist I promised in my second to last post...:

So it was one of those days I had to go out, but gotta car-pool with a friend. I was waiting at this shopping store beside this huge poster of the Indomitables (as I later found out, I was standing at the corner for the promo prize claiming point), and this kid walked up to me with something that looked like a cardboard paper full of stickers:

Kid: Hello uncle, I want to claim my prize?
Me: [wtf look...but trying to look interested] Uh, what prize?
Kid: Well, I've gotten all the characters from the Indomitables together now, and I want my prize [kid shows me cardboard full of stickers from the Indomitables promo].

Well, for those of u who dunno, this noodle brand in Naija did this promo a couple months back called "Indomitables". I wasn't paying attention sha, but that was a slogan I nabbed from the time. So they copied the characters similar to the "Fantastic Four" and formed The Indomitables...the marketing campaign aired that by eating Indomie Instant Noodles, kids could live up to the image of either of their desired heroes in The Indomitables...and you know how the rest works. The kids have to look for a picture of each of the hero character, and fill in d blank on d cardboard. When you have all the characters, you go to a 'Redemption Center' to pick your prize. So that was how fate brought me and the kid to that place o!
sha, I thought he might be a good sport, so I played along...

Me: Ah! I see...let me have a look at your collection. [I took his paper and peered interestingly, examining each character stuck on it, nodding agreeably. Nothing you wouldn't do when bored. At this time, I see I've caught his attention and he smiles...]
Kid: Okay, so what did I win?
Me: Ehmmmm [trying to sound re-assuring, at this point, I should've quit messing with the child's head cos raising his hopes and dashing it wouldn't help at all], you see, it's like Santa Claus, eh. Sometimes during Christmas in December, his grotto runs out of gifts stock, so he has to go get more for the kids who haven't gotten any. This is actually the way things are at the moment, I don't have much "prizes" here for you, so you have to wait till...
Kid: [cuts me off before I finished]...where is the aunty that hands out the prize? I came here yesterday and they said the same thing...
Me: [feeling smart, cos I actually spoke for "aunty"] Ah, so you see...I am glad you now know. So who is your favorite Indomitable character?
Kid: [he proudly chips in...] Big Boy! I want to have all that "muzzle" (muscles/bicep).
Me: [smiles] Ah, so that must be why you eat Indomie Noodles, eh? U want to look as big and impregnable as Big Boy (I didn't use d word impregnable sha). Good, just keep eating Indomie, ehn, u'd get there.

Now this is getting really uncomfortable with what I discovered...but before I could make any further statements...

Kid: [mood swing, from bright smile to shitty-droopy look...and that whining sound like he's gonna cry] I want my prize...you will give me my prize...
See me see wahala o! I discovered two things:

1. The boy looked like he's strayed from the main shopping area and his parents might start looking for him. For what looked like a 5-minutes' chat with him, it looks like the kid has "Downs' Syndrome" or one of those kind disease sha. I wonder what would happen if his folks come out, and see me standing with their son sobbing, dem fit think say I be gbomo-gbomo...

2. The whole darn Indomitables thing must've ended months back, or so I believe. How come I din't know? Anyways, I have to plan my exit strategy sharply, or else na wahala I de find so o.
Fortunately, my phone rings and it was my long-awaited partner. So I told the boy "aunty" just came with the gifts and is calling cos she needs help getting them up here. Na so I ja men...

ATM machine:

So I told my friend what had happened and he laughed at me in d car. There and then he told me we have to make a short, outta town trip and the way it is, we'd have to travel that night. Me, I don't have cash on me to get some needs for the trip, and pay fare...unlike some people I know who are ever ready, wherever you meet them: Purse/Wallet cash-filled, all those toiletries go with them in their bags and what not. Just hola and they r jumping in and off you go.

Anyhoos, I got tensed up. Short time notice, so much to do. Not thinking, I thought I'd quickly dash to the nearest ATM I can find, so he pulled over the next one we see. I don't trust these debit card things men, cos I've not been monitoring my spending. I just believed I wouldn't be all out like that.

A short while later, I found myself standing in front of the machine. I slot in my card..."Enter your PIN" it says, I punch...What do u wanna do?...Inquiry...Select A/c type...xxx a/c...."ERROR IN PIN CODE"...Try Again?...Yes....I went through that process twice when I remembered that if I did it one more time, the baga will swallow my card. I gulped...looked up and thought about how TF I must've forgotten it dis kain time. I wanted to act Americana, cursing, punching and kicking the machine, but the security man in d background dint let me act out. Shey na im say make I forget my PIN. I kept my cool and after a short while, before the security man will come over to me, asking whether I'm tryin to bobo their machine, I realized I was doing something wrong with the number sequence, and did what I have to do and got out...

I'll come back with the drama that ensued that evening, during the trip et al.

Y'all enjoy the weekend. And remember, If It's Secret and Elite, It Can't Be Good...i've always liked that line from the Skulls...

PS: And I thought we had it bad with our 'violent' elections...Yeah, no room for cheap excuses and we ought to work to make things much better BUT the Scotts are also smashing ballot boxes and havin' a jolly ol' time of peaceful elections. Just so much for blowing our horns, huh?

Confessions on May Day

2007-05-01T14:56:00.000+01:00

Date: May 1, 2007
Time Check: 1458 Hours

*I woke up somewhere I've never been in my life and I never saw myself being there, until it happened

*I'm currently working with an ex-NIIT colleague on something important

*I am yet to clean my mouth today (thanks to Vicks Blue and Wrigley PK gum for keeping me going)

*I'm yet to wash, except for cleaning myself with a soapy, wet cloth earlier in the day

*I only have #500 on me, to get me the hell outta here and home

I'll save the rest...for now

BRB

2007-04-30T10:31:00.001+01:00

I wasn't notified about this training organized for support staff at work until Monday evening. It starts on Tuesday and it well, is mandatory I attend cos $$$s have already gone into it. Perfunctorily, I went in on Tuesday morning and found this hall full with other participants...No, I didn't have time to prepare my mind for what was coming, but I thought it's time I try one of my Human Relations 101 skills. It was a hall of diversity, mainly from other African countries. For some odd reason, some of them didn't look too friendly and I couldn't help not giving a damn about them. Three Guineans who spoke French amongst themselves, usually sitting huddled together, an Indian-Pakistani looking guy...his pants were so tight that he resembles a stick man. He looked more like a hacker to me 'cos he really knew stuff. Then there's this raucous Arab fellow in the class...his first name is Jihad. He knows a lot and doesn't hesitate letting all around him know this. Everywhere there's some sorta discussion, argument, you find him, his voice of higher pitch than everyone else, gesturing with all of his torso. Getting close enough especially during lunch and networking time, I could hear him use the word "bloody" in 2 of every 5 sentence he makes. He was fun to watch though, even though he appeared hot blooded. Then we had our Nigerians who were present, they tend to show off their backgrounds, they know better than everyone else and you can't be them. Humph! In all sha, I met some people like me of humble beginnings and we had a jolly good time in between all that.

*Count four columns from the right and you'd see Mr. Jihad
*Right in front, you'd see Mr.tightpants-Stickman

The training got boring in between and I wished I wasn't even there, esp. when it got difficult and I had a hard time following with all the complex information. Who even sent me in there self? *mshew* Good thing is, though, I picked enough that I will love to perfect on and if I have to work with someone more savvy than I am, which would most likely be the case, we can synergize our efforts, and give good result. I'm counting on that.

Not to forget is the plenty of food available. Indian kini kan rice, baked vegetables and all those orishirishi intercontinental dishes...I helped myself handsomely, 'cos I knew I wouldn't have the time to do it like I did due to the high cost and time involved with settling such on the table. It wasn't bad after all....

I spent the night with one of my good home boys sometime in the week 'cos I couldn't hit home that day 'cos it was late already and it threatened raining. It was fun, watched SouthPark, played pool and all. By the way, SouthPark rocks!

I just thought I'd let y'all know i'm doing good. Will come back with gist about my mischief and some other things I did on my trip.

So Far, So Good...

2007-04-23T12:33:00.000+01:00

Another election weekend passed, starting on Friday. Counting down till May 29th when they'd handover and we can breathe normalcy in Naija again. I'm getting fed up with all the hype. Needless to say, I had to take the time off again to recuperate 'cos they be killin me on le job. Sometimes I just feel like I should hide stuff I know from people and have them "leave me be". But what other way is there to hone my skills and prove that I'm capable? If it could happen, I'd have myself torn in parts, a part of me problem-solving here and the other elsewhere, just like that. Maybe it's part of the growing up phase and gathering experience, but I swear it's not funny.

So I felt sick from Thursday and was just counting down till close of work that day. Friday morning got an unexpected call from my telepathy partner all the way from yonder. It felt so good sha 'cos it must've been like something was felt and the call was made. Nice way to start that day. But hey, little did I know the weekend was gonna be busy. I practically owned the kitchen all weekend cos momsie and popsie's fever went up a notch. Again everything fell back on me 'cos no one else would tend to that.

Starting Saturday lasting all through Sunday, I did ALL the cooking, except for when one of my homeboys came around on Sunday and I coerced him to squeeze the bitter-leaf for me - I handled everything else. It just was an opportunity to prove my worth to the parents because they probably believe I've lost it and they keep singing it, especially mom who'd readily draw a contrast with how things used to be back in '01. Not just by helping out around the home, but also in the religious side and how "serious" I was back then. Oh yes, mom, I was in high school back then and had most of the time to help around then. Also, there were no distractions back then 'cos I looked up to you guys to feed, clothe and guide me. Not anymore. I'm all grown up now and you've got to start getting used to these changes. I don't blame them though. You can only be parents once...you learn while you are on the job. So watching those nude kids grow into adults who call the shots usually doesn't settle well, esp. when they see those "shots" from a different angle.

Like some would say, "Holy Spirit ministered to me" this past weekend 'cos it was a different me. Washing, cooking and cleaning, without complaints. Before it was just one of the three, or none. And when mom would complain, I'd shrug it off, and it stung more. Well, I felt obliged though cos I wouldn't probably be able to do that for them any more, at some point. Just reading CalabarGal's retrospective posts on mom and dad knocked some sense into me. So while I try to steer my life, I'd try to draw a balance with also being there for them while I still have them, now.

I got some accolades and blessings from mom for a "job-well-done" and taking care of them. That was more fulfilling! At least a difference from the usual "talking-tos" that has been the norm for as far back as I can remember. And dad also had something to say. Actually, it was a good time to show them I still love them and always will, esp. remembering the most recent altercation which made the man cry. Yes, Yosh actually made dad cry and it's almost surprising how words can hurt. It hit the wrong joint and I really didn't anticipate such reaction from him, though at a much later time.

Bottom-line - I can be rustic when I have to be and I've got nothing but love goin' on under the façade of indifference that's more obvious.

In the midst of all the buzz over the weekend, I was able to finish a Western, one from the Trailsman series (Silver Fever). This cowboy with raging hormones, heads an expedition and beds about every woman in the group, even the "Reverend's" wife. Well, it has a lot of twist, cos in the end the Reverend's wife turned out to be the mole that had set up so much impediments that almost brought the whole expedition to a halt, all in an effort to eliminate the experienced trailsman from leading the group. If she'd succeeded, she'd split the loot with these other guys and every other member of the party would go at a loss. So much action, and mind-blowing dangers to overcome in there...the whole thing ended with having to battle these Sioux Indians after they'd reached the silver mine. Everyone else in the group died, except the Trailsman and this lady who from the outset was stubborn but came around eventually. The Trailsman didn't settle down to blow the fortune with her as I'd expected. He had unfinished business from his past life and had to move on, leaving his own share of the fortune with his aide and accomplice's widowed sister. His aide died in the battle with the Sioux. Quite a good book! I'm expecting another get-6 for the price of 5-deal later on this week and I'll post the books I got from this one.

Someone's slipping off the blogging, and some other people's blogs are getting quiet, just when I'm getting all comfy...just like it began happening on Xanguh. I'm not naming names sha. Talk about not reading OWNB's inside-out posts and the resultant comments. Well, I'd want to take the "blog might resurrect" side, against "complete timeout/self-destruct". And as for those who are quiet, at least for now, it's pro'ly understandable, busy schedules and all. We all can't be winners at the same time. So I'd take a chill pill on that.
Happy Spring-Summer leave to VTI. But darn, 1 month +! You should try to drop a sentence or two in between, at least somewhere in between those times. I hope you have a good one, till you get back.

Wienna, where are you? SG no pursue my potential kini o! 'nuff said! :D

Kilo'n hapun?

2007-04-16T15:02:00.000+01:00

I really missed you blog guys o! Forreals, 'cos I really saw the need, more than ever to get this internet thingy @ home so we can continue from wherever we stopped during the day (my time, or the other way) and I cannot wait to really jumpstart the process. But I feel awon aiye kinda have some hands in me not being able to pull that one off, yet. But we shall see who's tougher.

So where do I start? From Wednesday, actually 'cos it was since then I started getting wind of some out-of-the-blue holiday proposed by the Fed. Govt. Be that as it may, it had some political-beef undertones, but I wouldn't bother going there now. We just had to go with the crowd. So trying to meet and beat some schedule starting then, I couldn't really get to pull off any stunts to drop by some blog lines. I'll just dedicate this post to some peeves from before my online break, thoroughly starting Thursday and lasting thru d weekend:

Prior to Friday:

I was pulled into this project 'cos I was told I "had a lot of experience to gather" if I participate. I couldn't object. Well, I did "get" some things, but I wasn't overly impressed because, well I simply wasn't fascinated with this "discovery". Sometimes I wish I could just quit my job or this whole tech-business career, get a lot of money on my hand to hook me up to the internet, sit on the computer all day and do things I really find interest in: Reading the classics, studying Social sciences and other humanities-related stuff and just blending minds with others with similar interest. Sounds like a good retirement idea? No? Well, sha, this last week got me thinking in that line.

Anyhoos, one of the guy on the project just pushed off this heat that didn't settle well with me. So in the angst that followed, I opened my eyes to seeing stuff that I normally would ignore. I guess talking about this peoples' quirks will go a long way with helping me deal with it, and others I cannot mention now:

*Snoring: Why do some men, and sometimes women, snore? To me, it is very disgusting and embarrassing. And I guess it's because I'm not a victim of this "ill" that's making me talk about it in this manner. Those who are involved claim it is an involuntary reality, but hmmm, na wa o! My dad snores, my brothers snore, amongst other close ppl. But I no like the thing at all and I've tried talking my folks into trying to kill it, but it seems it's just not working.

Well, two incidents this past week: This one guy I was working with, he breathes so loudly you'd think he's sleeping. I kept peeking above the PC at intervals to make sure he won't dent the computer monitor when his head bangs. But that's just how he is. He's chubby, has gathered a lot of meat around his neck area and has fairly rotund tummy. And when he walks just over a short distance, his breathing increases rapidly like he's been working the treadmill like a mo'fo. I feel bad for him and I cannot imagine being with him in the same room at night.

The other incident was with the cab driver, coincidentally, though. Dude had kola-battered-teeth that had gone through a lot of discoloration. But that wasn't the hit. Everytime he exhaled, it's more like he snore-sighed from a deep slumber. No, he was grunting, really! I felt bad for the man sha. And had to keep checking him out as we rode to ensure he isn't snoozing behind the wheels.

*Bad Breath: So one of those mornings we had to report to site on time, this other guy came with a new one. He claims he hurriedly left home and didn't have breakfast. I'd assume that brushing your mouf before u leave home would to a good extent help reduce the fetor coming from the pie hole. But this guy carried his morning breath from his arrival, way into noon. It was hard for me working with him 'cos we had to communicate often and sharing the same computer monitor with him at those times was war.

Halitosis is a big downer. That is just unprofessional, to me sha. I see a lot of respectable-looking, dressed-to-kill individuals, but all of those "flyness" fly outta d window once they open their mouth to speak. I mean, whatever career path u choose, I think there's some General Elective on Health Management tips and such where you learn personal hygiene 101. Shizzus!

*"Singing": There are people who love music. Music is so powerful that it wells up your deepest emotions and feelings and you just can't help but to respond to the stimuli, either by humming, rocking yourself in the seat, wherever you are or even outright dancing. But all these are different from trying to impress and you end up killing the mood totally. How do I mean? Well, if you don't know the lyrics to a song, you can do two things: Check up on it and try mastering some part or whole of the song, so u can happily and confidently sing along when the song is on. Or the other option: shut the fuck up already and stop bothering me with your high-pitch, monotonous tunes. You aren't doing the song, artist or yourself any favors. Unfortunately, you happen to be the most heard cos you are so friggin loud!

*After-Loo Use: Wash AND dry your hands once you are out of that shege. Don't come out, hands wet/moist, dripping water on me or objects around. ALSO, do your zippers up and tuck your shirts in properly (if they were that way before u went in, that is). So this guy just walked out of the loo (no offense to muslims), but he's a muslim and you know how the guys do when they finish the do. I'll spare you the details. But what was obvious is that there was so much watermark on his backside when he walked past. Maybe his undies didn't absorb everything, or mayhap he wasn't wearing any. It was like he peed his pants, fullstop. Thing is, he couldn't do it any better than that. Shucks!

Ah, I think I'd rest my case, now that I've gotten those off my mind. It was quite a grumpy day and my grandma kept appearing to me in a dream saying that I had to talk about it else...
Talking about dreams, I really got to finishing this book over the weekend. It is those 192-pages type. I felt incomplete after reading all that thing about telepathy, out-of-body projections and psychokinesiology (psychokinetic manipulations) because my stimulant for reading it is half the world away and there'd be no practicing, at least for now. But that'd be something worth trying. The possibilities are endless, and to think that some people just have this ability inborn makes me so jealous. But till I can really get to try some of those, I'll just nurse it for now. And I finished this other Fantasy novel. Boy, the whole magic, sorcery, spells and stuff were killers. I'll post a spell I copied outta the book maybe in another post.

The rest (ramblings):

This song about "money can't buy me love" was on. I don't buy that totally. Money CAN and DOES buy one love. But it doesn't buy true love. That is the yardstick-true love. So it depends on individuals to be satisfied with what they can get. Buy ordinary love and be contented with that. Or whether to strive for true love. It's all with our choices, in the end. So, guys, ladies out there, strive for the money and make your choice. Money can buy you love, but maybe not true love. Make your choice, really!

Gripe: Now why does this S.O.B. think I'm not game enough to get a girl? Just cos I'm a nerd, or close to it, doesn't mean I cannot walk up to a girl and do my thang if I want to. Hmmmph...some guys with drama sha. I guess it's the same on both sides of d board.

Elections 2007:

On Saturday, April 14th, resident-citizens of the different 36 states in Naija went to the polls to elect their new governors, councillors (counselors?), and what not. Some states have confirmed the various results of the exercise, others are yet to agree to the outcome of theirs, still others would have to repeat theirs. Saturday, 21st will be the most crucial - the presidential elections. The first civilian government transition in the history of Naija. The international media have eyes on the whole thing.

Just like a lot of other Nigerians, this past Saturday, I was technically disenfranchised. It was one of the most thoroughly, lazy Saturday I've ever had in a long time. Awoke, lazied in bed, red some book, breakfast in bed, read more from the book, slept for hours, awoke, read the book, got out of bed, safe-strolled a little, brushed my teeth, took a bath, had lunch in bed, read the book, election over, strolled out, came home, watched some comedy, had supper, talked some...and went to bed! What a day! Well, my point is, a lot of people did not go out to vote. The few I called, exchanged txt msgs with tell me they are at home also. Like seriously, I am yet to meet someone who cast a vote. Not saying that no one did, I'm just surprised that ALL the people I know and have heretofore spoken with, didn't bother going out, some have "good" reasons for not voting. I'll pair them in two groups:

Group 1: Registered, but forgot their voter's card somewhere so automatically they will not be allowed to vote where they currently find themselves *without their card - and they could care less, really. You could tell from the way they responded when asked about their card and exercising their "civil responsibility".

Group 2: I fall under this category, say what u want. Well, we didn't even bother registering 'cos we really don't care. The outcome of the election is as good as settled, esp. the presidential election slated for the 21st. From the look of things, you may share our sentiments. Anyway, some day maybe this attitude will change. Time will tell, this is Naija!

Emmm, well for those who managed to vote, the results from the election says so much. I won't give any specific figures cos I really don't know for now, but you can get an idea from what I've got to say (if u care to read on). Let's take the beloved Lagos, for instance. Of the millions who reside in the state, the total result of votes cast, of all parties combined shows that a good number of the citizenry didn't vote. This can be attributed to the reasons in Groups 1 & 2 above. But a winner will always come forth, and of course a loser. Babatunde Fashola was said to have won in Lagos under the Action Congress umbrella. He fought it hard with the PDP aspirant, Tunde Obanikoro, but the win margin was higher. Lagos never liked PDP, anyways. The latter party will have a hard time winning in Lagos, just like previous elections have shown. I tend to like Lagos politics the more (though marred with so much mayhem). The results tend to be more plausible, compared to other states.

If you care so much to monitor the elections, you could check the Bullshit BroadCasting Corporation's (BBC) web site with "Special Reports" on the election. Or if you are more "patriotic" and fear reading something "regurgigated", follow up with the Independent National Electoral Commission's (INEC) web site . There's a pretty face somewhere in the flash presentation atop the page, so don't get distracted by that. Don't be lazy and play with the hyperlinks on the left side of the screen.

Enough politics, gotta get some food, cos I'm really hungry!

...more questions

2007-04-07T20:19:00.000+01:00

It's a Saturday: Mom traveled so I had to make some food. We'd all be grinning and telling each other jokes till each of us fall asleep on our seats and then saunter into the rooms when we wake up somewhere in that involuntary slumber. But I looked ahead and saw it's going to be a long-ass weekend, then I was forced to act, cos if I don't, no one else would. I made this tongue-flaming red stew, correct rice, and bought plenty of fruit. My cousin paid a surprise visit from Lagos...and I should be at home chilling after I saw her off, but no, I'm here with more questions. No, I'm not thru. Just staring at the last update makes me ask more questions. I just sat down and all these thoughts started coming into my mind.

The way religion is practised here in Niaja, I could be wrong though, it appears there's no room for asking questions. Or maybe it's the role of religion on its own. Don't ask questions, just listen and obey and "it will be well with you". You know, it's the Word of God, it's a Holy Book, untainted, inspired of the Holy-Spirit. But at the same time, we've got our minds. We are built with intellect, tendency to ask questions, analyze information and have our brain work its mojo. But why is it, at least to me as it appears to be, that once we start questioning those things we've always believed, and held on to, it automatically translates to faithlessness and losing the faith? Falling to the mundane things of life? Or as one zealot once put it, "becoming Devil-hijacked"? Some people say, "follow your heart". The Bible says "the heart is treacherous. Who can know it?..." The human mind works in a selective manner. It chooses what to believe and discards the unwanted. One has to rein it. But how? Through some guidelines, like The Holy Book? Well, that brings into question the matter of God giving us a conscience and freewill. But is it really freewill when you have to be punished by doing what your heart says? Well, our actions cannot be without consequences. That is acceptable. So it is either you ride or die, huh? It's either God's way or the Devil's. And well we cannot get to understand the whole concept of why God does things the way he does them because according to the Bible, we "cannot fathom the dimensions of God's thoughts and ways". The width, length, depth and height - all of it. Yet we are asked in the Bible to search for God's wisdom. To dig deep for it. But why engage in a journey you know is already not going to yield so much, after all? I'm not here saying the Bible contradicts itself nor am I trying to talk anyone out of seeking God's wisdom. Just saying... Could it be what some people think it is, that we are pawns in this game between good and evil, after all? Are we really free? This freedom we so cherish, do we really have it in its real sense? Truth is elusive. Truth is what we make it. Truth is what truth is. Truth is overrated.

But why can't we just obey God and just move along? Like turn a blind-eye to our little worries? No! History has shown that man cannot do that. We've always wanted to do things "our way". And well God made us to want to do things our way, you know that freewill thing he's given each of us, but still he'll hold us accountable for how we use it. God sure has a lot of work on his hands in form of humans and Satan The Devil. Although he could care less about "attitude" from humans. Heck, the earth is just a teeny-teeny-teeny-tiny part of the whole big picture - the universe. He is Omnipotent. But we are told he is bothered by what goes on down here. So what gives?

Personally, I think it is okay to ask questions. Like I had this same discussion with someone who matters last week, I was told it is healthy to explore one's feelings without feeling bad. Almost, if not everyone on earth goes through a spell where they question things. It's all part of the human makeup. God made us that way, I believe. Let God deal with us all personally, eventually.

On other developments...

This past week, I have learned:

...To not say much about either party to either party. (I know what that means, I don't know whether or not you do, but does that matter? :P)
...To take responsibility for my actions
...To not shy away from the truth staring back at me when I stare at the mirror.
...To walk with my chin up and take on the world
,,,That fear should be fought. Fear is the enemy, like some would say
...To do everything I can so I can always look at myself, straight in the eye, without looking away from guilt

Gripe:

It's about time some girls quit using sex as bargain chips, to get their material needs satisfied. I mean he is your boyfriend/lover. You's not a ho, so you shouldn't start asking for that eye-shadow pack you've been eyeing just after either of you came. Yeah, he told me these things and it stung even listening to it...humph

Something for you to think about (What'd you do?):

*Is it odd to have two mothers? You know, you have this other woman in your life and she is as good as being everything your mother would be for you, just that you didn't slip out of her. There's someone like that in my life right now...

*I opened the pot of soup (licensed to do so, of course), rolled the spoon inside. I took some pieces of meat into my plate and was tempted to look further. I did a second lucky dip to source for fish, this time but alas! I found meat bigger than the pieces I already had on my plate. I replaced the ones I had in my plate with my new discovery. I'm not feeling guilty, but what do you think?

*Is it odd to write in red ink?

I hope you all enjoy your Easter break (if at all you are using it).

Heaven

2007-03-29T20:27:00.000+01:00

I don't wanna go to heaven. Yeah, I said it. But before you cross yourself on my behalf, stop for a moment and think about the implications of going to heaven, for you (if this is your desire, anyway). See, most religions have this thing about an eternal utopia in the afterlife, you know, people dying and meeting their God, you know the rest. But me, I've really come to ask myself what's the biggie self? Why can't this earth just be made perfect for us to live in? My stance here is based from the "Christian" mindset of those who want to go to heaven. I know what most of the other religious faiths preach about some heavenly afterlife (*grins*), but I won't bother touching that here.

Ask yourself, "Why do I want to go to heaven?" Most of our decision and desire of wanting to go to heaven stems from the effect of what some opinion leaders have on us, you know the religious kooks (excuse me), the likes of pastors, imams, monks, swamis, the works. For others, it comes from a 'thorough' understand and belief system that works for their whims and the 'truth' found therein their different faiths. For the many I've discussed with, there's one unifying objective: They want to go to heaven to "be with" the Lord. My next question for such ones is, "Who says God needs additional company?" From what I've read in The Holy Book, God has myriads upon myriads of powerful angels who minister to him, day and night. And if he needs more company, he might just as well create more angels. He's omnipotent. So who says he needs more "ministering" from any one of us. Okay, okay, God does pay attention to us as individuals and probably does want us to be with him. For those who have more time and understanding, they go one step further to tell me "being with God" doesn't simply mean staying physically redundant, there's more to it, like "ministering to God" like the angels who are already in heaven do. Oh well, and serving God. I just don't find that explanation satisfactory enough.

For most of the "Sunday-goers", they say it's all about "enjoying" and "escaping the troubles" plaguing the earth currently. You know, people actually carry this picture in their mind of heaven being a place for grooves, eating, and you know all those good ol' jolly stuff. Hmmm, I ask myself if they truly know what it entails. Well, there's just too many reasons I've heard, and the only substantial ones I've come to accept is that as it is spelled out in The Holy Book, Jesus speaking about having abodes for his disciples in heaven was for a different purpose. They are going to rule with him in his kingdom as kings and priests,and judge the earth. It says that somewhere in The Gospels and also in Revelation. So a lot of those who just jump in the heaven bandwagon do not really see the sense of going to heaven. You'd be going there to serve, yo! So if right now on earth you find yourself too stuck up in your pedastals and won't kiss ass one bit, then think again if you entertain the prospect of heaven. Heaven is for submission to God and worshipping/serving/ministering (whichever works for you) HIM day and night. Go figure! Ask the current angels serving. I don't mean to try and talk you out of this goal, but think of it. You will be up there floating around the throne of God, day and night, for all eternity. Like Diddy said in "What's Beef", "Ask yourself...Do you know what beef is? Then ask yourself, do you, really want beef?". I'm telling you to ask yourself and get your priorities straight. Do you really see yourself doing that for all eternity?

Another thing to think of is, if God really cared so much for us to be in heaven, then why these whole transition on earth? I'm not saying God doesn't care and all, but why come to earth first? Who says the earth is a breeding ground for prospective spirit persons in the heavenly realm? That's what most people believe, that when babies die, God takes such ones to be angels in heaven. Or when some good guy dies, he's gone to join him in heaven to "continue"...Hmmmm.

Well, I read somewhere in Psalms 115:16. There David says, "As regards the heavens, to Jehovah the heavens belong, But the earth he has given to the sons of men." Whatever other translation you have may read slightly different. But the point is, the earth is for men. Which now brings me to my own position. So if not heaven, where else?

That verse says God made the earth for man. And there are so many other verses in the scripture that points out that the earth is gonna be forever, it ain't going nowhere. So why can't we make this earth a better place? Some people still cite portions of The Holy Book where there's some statement about the earth being engulfed in fire and everything going to naught. But how come another part of The Holy Book says the earth is gonna be forever. Well, Bible-bashers have some field day there using such cases as pretexts for their claims that the Bible contradicts itself. But I'm comfortable believing, based on the ratio of occurrences of the concept of a here-to-say-earth to a soon-to-be-obliterated earth in the Bible, that the earth isn't gonna be going anywhere, hate it or love it. It's here to stay. No, not even a global nuclear warfare can take the earth out. My belief is that God will in some way intervene and not let this happen. Nor would he let man ruin the earth to an uninhabitable state.

Come to think of it, you as a property owner see how your tenants mess up the premises. Would you because of the temporary mess destroy both the tenants and the building altogether? Reasonably, this shouldn't be the case, especially if there's still so much to salvage from your property. You'd probably evict the tenants and fix your home for a more suitable type. I prefer to see the earth as still in a salvageable state. It's not as bad as it seems. It's humans: you and me that have gotten things to the dangerous state they are in (see ozone depletion, global warming, tsunamis, just to mention a few). Scientists, to a reasonable degree have been able to see that this has been as a result of human interference with the ecosystem. So let's let the beautiful Galapagos remain, the rockies of Colorado, the wonderful islands in the pacific rim, and all those breath-taking vacation spots we all fancy. Let's give the earth a chance. You'll love it here, really. We've already touched the part of the different lovely places there are to go. Let's imagine the meals we enjoy, booze, friends, orgasms (:-D mm hmm, that, too), kisses, colognes, beautiful sunset and sunrise, rainfalls, spring - You wouldn't have all that in heaven. And oh, no fancy stuff up there, yo. There's really no mention of such lifestyles anywhere in The Holy Book I know. It might be different in others. Like I said, I'm not going to discuss other faiths, though I don't mind drawing some "web-fire", but I'll let that rest.

My point is, let's make the earth a better place for you, me and our unborn kids. Who knows, who just knows, God might change His mind? I mean, He told Lot that if he could find just one righteous soul in ancient Sodom and Gomorrah, He'd spare the city from being destroyed. Boy, Lot even bargained with Him. Everything looks hopeless. The apocalyptic end of the "wicked world of humankind" described in Revelation is looking ever more real and religious kooks are getting orgasmic painting up different versions of how it's all going to turn out. But I think there might be a way out, no?

Whatever happens, I'm trying to live life to the fullest and wish, wish God will take me as I am, either ways.

I'll leave you all with this little one:

An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash.

They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they "ooohed and aaahed," the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next, they went out back to see the championship golf course. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don' t you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?" the old man asked timidly.

"That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.

"The old man looked at his wife and said, "You and your bran muffins. I could have been here twenty years ago!"

PS: I still haven't found my mp3 player. I'm still trying to run away from the reality that is unfolding with regards the fate of my heart, my one and only. I even connected to it more than I have with any other thing, real and unreal. sErIoUsLy! I feel so empty, I cannot even find the right words. But I'm coping! And maybe, just maybe, it might show up, no? All the scenes I've painted of how it got missing doesn't offer a spec of hope of it returning. But who knows? It's two weeks (tomorrow, Friday) and counting. I'll let us all know what happens.

PPS: And for the breaking hearts out there, please hold on and get a grip! It's not over until it is.

Werin de?

2007-03-19T13:02:00.000+01:00

Mo da ran o!:

WHERE IS MY SANSA O! I'm so frigging pissed man, the sound of the keyboard as I type testifies to this. Since Friday, I've felt this vacuum since I last saw my beloved mp3 player. It has everything that'd wake me up from the bluest of days: Pics, songs of all srts... ALL THAT GOING LIKE THAT? GOD FORBID! That day was mad busy and I cannot even remember very well where I must've left it. I've created awareness of the missing Sansa at most of the spots I was on Friday and hopefully I can find it. IF NOT, I don't know what I'll do. But my current inu riro (tummy upsets) is enough to tell what is to come. Yes o, it's that serious! Please pray for the reunion of me and my Sansa.

Gripe:

So I have noticed that since the government released new #50, #20, #10 and #5 bills respectively, people have been sparing with spending them. Life WTF?! Why in hell was it produced if it isn't meant to be used? I had to wait for over 15mins over the weekend to pick up change from this woman 'cos she wouldn't give me the 4 pieces of new #20 bills she had on her. So she kept wandering about trying to find someone to help her. I was so furious cos I spotted it and asked her to give me from those ones, but she refused just because it's the new bills! Hmmph, some Nigerians sha!

:D:

I was talking to a girlfriend who was in the hospital this weekend. So she said she did a lot of scripture reading while in the hospital 'cos she felt "closer to God" in there. One of her observations? I quote her, "...God gets Bitchy in Isaiah. I couldn't believe it was the same God that Jesus talks about in the Gospels." Lol @ God gets bitchy! That really got me rolling! Just an honest look at it. If you do the same to most other parts of the Bible, esp. in the Hebrew Scriptures (O.T.), you wouldn't help but say, "HUH?!"

Mmmmm:

*Making a mental note, I've found two sweet names I want for my two girl children: Daphne and Zoe. Daphne has some Greek Mythology roots, but do I give a rip! My daughter wouldn't have some funny stories about her (I hope), so I don't think giving her that name would sorta influence her behavior. Some people think that way! Duh, a lot of us know some Nigerians named "Innocent" who are so "holy", don't we? Psheeww. Zoe, well, Zoe means life, 'nuff said. I kinda have a feening for Greek and Italian names.*

One of those:

I think I have discovered this friend who really sees through me and tries to make me see the true potential in me. She believes in me and what's more: wants us to be together. Hmmm, it isn't like I haven't known for some time, it just takes some kain events like this for you to open up and accept things as they are. Right now, I'm on this journey of discovering her. While a side of me wants to so badly open up, there's this part of me that's fighting a losing battle of curling away from her. My, everytime we talk, she says these things and I stand there grinning like an idiot, cos the words she say seem to be too good to be true. But I'm someone who find it hard to believe, and when I do, it's probably the good stuff. So I dunno, I'm still buying time, but I hope I don't bargain so much that i lose out on the deal in its entirety.

Weekend gist:

I leave in the 'burbs, so that means there's some sorta communal living. Just this weekend I saw this couple bashing each other in the open. The man is this inebriated, no good! He's like that. Unfortunately, a "man" like me and I should pro'ly be rooting for him 'cos women are behind all evil, NOT! As I learned from their son ( and yes spare me, sometimes I be amebo) who was outside almost crying his eyes out (na so o, man de cry), he told me he'd met his dad at this "joint" ealier in the morning (can u imagine that, the man wakes up to drinking in the early hours of the day) telling him how the house needs some money to make their meal. He acted like he din't hear and his response by the time he gets home at about the time I saw him (3pm) is to start punching the boy. Unfortunately for the boy, he's not the type to man up to his dad and kick his blokus then run off for days, so he stood there crying. His momma (the hustling-home maker type) runs to her son's defense, and the rest is what I saw for myself. Man lying on his back covered with so much sand, woman thumping him from on top. He was too weak from too much booze to fight her off self. Like one of my friends will say, damn shame. And when some kids turn degenerates, we ask what went wrong.

Pic of the day?:

I feel really embarrassed for him every time I see him, meehn. Maybe embarrassed shouldn't be the right word to use, but ho hum. See all those marks on his face. He'd have been this handsome stud like that (I'd bet he still is to his wife). I mean, the guy usually dresses to kill just like in this pic, fine suit and all, but his face, that face! :( Sha, I'd bet he's gotten used to it, just as his wife and fans would have.

Ze End:

Finally, welcome to blogger, Mr.Fineboy! I've been laughing out loud at his posts. It just comes naturally, the way he composes and all! Good to have you on this joint, man!
For the rest of us, have a good week!

Brunch

2007-03-13T14:17:00.000+01:00

I rushed out of home very pissed 'cos I couldn't settle down for my regular. After a very stressful morning, I thought I deserve to spoil myself a little. I spotted this joint, Ebun-Oluwa Restaurant, and decided to stop over. There are countless other names spotting the scene, all trying to get people come in to eat (Irawo Jesu; Adamawa Princess; Udoka; Nwanyi Anambra et al). You could see people of different backgrounds; Hausa, Igbo, Yoruba, Mullato, Lebanese and what have you all united with one goal. In this place, you'd better shove your shakara and decorum wherever you are coming from and enjoy your meal. The atmosphere was so friendly. One thing is common, everyone's either has pockets of sweat at the forehead or tip of the nose, collars carelessly loosened, handkerchief on one hand to manage the sweat and perhaps runny nose, the other hand used to molest ogunfe, round-about, kpomo, the works. No holds barred!

I settled down and ordered for amala ati obe efo-riro ati egwusi, kpelu eran ti oto bi eti Abiola. When the amala came, boy, was I impressed! So erotic, so smoof; the blackness was glistening ehn, I didn't know when my lips gave way and released a drip. Happy times!

What's with people fronting when they aren't at home? Just 'cos u cannot shout at your daughter/wife/househelp doesn't mean you have to come out of home to misbehave. Abi as they say, charity begins at home, so he pro'ly treats them that way? Some guy just thought he'd up his ego by barking demands and orders at the waitresses (<<<---- who by the way, could pass for your regular office secretary, if no be say na condition make crayfish bend, ehn, why'd they be keeping such jobs? Fine, fine girls). I almost got verbal with him but I was just too lazied up by my recent bout that I let it pass. You live to fight another day, shey? Maybe he won't be lucky next time and he'd meet his size.

The amount of tokunbo cars on the roads lately is almost unbelievable. Of every 5 cars that'd pass on the street, 2 to 3 will be a Rover 620 Si. Well, I wouldn't mind one for myself but then, Naija people sabi flood the market with all these things sha. Some years back it was the VolksWagen Golf, then came the Nissan Sunny and Toyota Corolla models, and now this. So much for blocking the borders...

Hookup?

2007-03-06T12:57:00.000+01:00

I turn left, there's a guy with a girl, or it's the other way round. Everyone is hooking up O, getting royally laid and sharing the juicy gist, and I'm being left out - being the good boy, only talking about quotes from my textbook, the next fly upcoming rock artist et al. I feel like the 40-year old virgin, though I don't come as close.

In light of this, a member of the league of boys decided that we go shake it off yesterday evening. So I rushed my classes and hit the road. I joined them at this open air joint with all the good stuff - booze, P&K (Point & Kill), meat and fish grill and two ladies. Getting late into the night, the mood getting lighter, girls chuckling in response to the drink's tickles. Well, the guy na ladies man so he had fun with both girls flanking him left and right. One of them grinning and winking at me at intervals. Oh heaven, I'm in for it. I was on other side of the table trying to be in control and "sharing the brighter life".

Fast forward, it's about 2100hrs. As if jolted back from a trance, one of them dames was like, "OMG, it's time!" gegen gegen, it's show time, I thought to myself. I finished the last leg of sparkles in my bottle, readying for some action. My homeboy was like, "time for what?" The other girl helped us, "Ah, don't tell me you don't know o!" She looks at me, managing to show disbelief and disdain at the same time. "Abi, u self don't watch it?" Still in la la land, I'm like, "Watch what?". Then they both spared us the suffering, schooled us outdoor boys about The Gardner's Daughter, the episodes, what's been happening and where we are in the whole soap, how they wanna go watch the day's episode and would expect us to join in. Was I disappointed? I'm not sure I was. All I remember was I wanted another bottle of beer. I no bargain for this one o! What rubbish!? Spoilers oshi *hiss*

Next thing I remember sha, I must've told them off and bros left with both damsels. I was left alone. Connect the dots...I found myself at home, unscathed, with plate of food on my bed, migraine hitting hard. SO much for a hookup. Will I do it again? I no know, but the evening no too bad sha.

Random Musings:

Why in hell is The Vatican called "The Holy See"? What's so holy that no one else sees but them? I can't place it.

If marketers/sales people so much succeed to sell their products and services, get good clients - is there a propensity that they are so suave AND catch all the fine ladies? Do they succeed with catching the fine girls?

I was just reading stuff on market research, segmentation etc and my mind wandered, no blame me.

Peace

Awoof ...

2007-02-28T20:38:00.000+01:00

People say awooof de run bele! Not with me o, not this type! I got me 8 books for the price of 6. 2 down, 6 more to go.

Judy Blume's "Wifey" - An adult novel. An adventurous housewife with a boring guy, but she's caught in between her love and doubts. In the end, they work it out. But in between, is whoa! A really good read.

Ed Gorman's "Everybody's Somebody's Fool" - I love mysteries. Who doesn't? Except boring people, I'd say. This one has sooooooo much satire and pun. High school friends at a reunion party, until a corpse was discovered around the host's premises. So much investigations, untold truths revealed and more. I finished it faster than I did "Wifey". Such a huge page turner till the last. And when I turned the last page, I thought there was more. I just couldn't believe the story ended there.

The other titles I'm yet to finish are:

* R. G. Austin's "The Castle of No Return" - I'm contemplating giving this to my niece who's almost teening. She'd like it. It's more like a 'make up your own ending' kinda book. From the first page till the last, you find yourself in different scenarios and you have to choose how you'd act in each, until you either get killed in the process or you rescue some hot damsel and you'll live happily ever after. I picked this one cos I was too giddy from the array of choices I had to make. Anyways, nothing spoil! I will make up my own ending before I get rid of it.

* Robert Asprin's "Thieves' World" - Just started it. But it's about some fictitious city called Sanctuary. The book has to do with this story of an event that took place in Sanctuary. Then 4-5 different guys made POV narratives. It's good reading an event's account from different sources. And not just ordinary sources, thieves and the like. I can't wait to grind through till the end.

* M. Night Shyamalan's "The Sixth Sense" - Based on the movie by the same title. I can't wait to read this. I haven't seen the movie, yet. So I thought I'd read up on it just to prepare my mind. Hopefully it's good.

* J. Bernhardt Hurwood's "The Invisbles" - The back cover and prologue made me pick it. The black and read color blend and this washed out body in the back cover increased my pulse. It has this eerie thing message, "You'd never be the same after reading this" kinda tone. So I wanna see that happen to me.

* Helen McInne's "The Salzburg Connection" - My kinda book - after mysteries, satire and much recently adult :P - Espionage and all that high expectancy. I can wager it'd be good. I won't say much on it until I figure it out myself.

* Jon Sharpe's "The Trailsman - Seven Wagons West" - You can tell this is Western from the title. On the cover, this guy had this very menacing-looking moustache. You know those dark, bushy types you find on Mehicans. I can tell there'd be a lotta gunnin' in this one, yesh!

That reminds me, I used to crave Lonestar adventure novels, you know, where the Indians battle off the Cowboys. I had a couple until some sneaky schmucks stole 'em all. I never valued books back then.

* Han Nolan's "Dancing on the Edge" - Another mystery. Murder and all that stuff. I can't wait either.

I don't really have much to share, but I found this quote by David Frost in my Marketing textbook hilarious:

There have been many definitions of hell, but for the English the best definition is that it is a place where the Germans are the police, the Swedish are the comedians, the Italians are the defense force, Frenchmen dig the roads, the Belgians are the pop singers, the Spanish run the railways, the Turks cook the food, the Irish are the waiters, the Greeks run the government and the common language is Dutch. -

hahahaha! Europe na wa!

AAAANND, some French bashing. You probably wouldn't appreciate this if you are unaware of European/French history. But I got a good laugh on them:

1. Q. How do you say "Give me liberty or give me death!" in French?

A. I give up.

2. Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

A. Nobody knows. It's never been tried.

3. Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

A. The French Army.

4. Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel?

A. So the French government could to flee to London.

5. Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks?

A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind! *lmao*

6. Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

7. Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?

A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun

8. Q: Why is good to be French?

A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

9. Q: What is the first thing you are taught when joining the French army?

A: To say "I surrender" in German

10. Q: Why was Jesus not born in France?

A: Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

11. Q: Did you hear about France's new weapons contracts?

A: They gave one to Ace Hardware to produce 250,000 wood sticks...they are still looking for a company to produce 250,000 little white flags.

12. Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried?

A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.

Blogger

2007-02-19T19:46:00.000+01:00

Pardon my manners, I'm supposed to formally introduce myself to those I met here, but I've gotten very comfortable already. Thanks guys! The previous post shouldn't have been the first but when I had the dream, it got to me wrongly so I thought I'd talk about it sharply.

Well, some stats:

1. This is a new blog for me, but I'm not new to the art of blogging in itself. I've been here starting from the later part of '05 and the whole of '06.

2. I realized there's some more flexibility on blogger than there, so I decided to move.

3. yada yada yapper.

So before I end this one, I just want to share my little experience this noon. Burger no go kill me o! I called up my cousin for a lunch date this noon at the nearest eatery around her workplace. I haven't seen her in 6 months, though we both live in the same city. Pathetic, you might say! Sha, they had this place called Big Bites and at the other farther side, Savannah Chum Chum. I subconsciously chose Chum Chum as I've never been in the premises before. I got there before her so as I wait, I decided to feed my eyes on what's on display and got busy ordering. Oh wait, the place was queerly 'dry', except for this guy who was munching indifferently at his meat pie, staring blankly at the loud TV nearby. The burger there looked like one I couldn't resist it: layers of minced meat, contending for view with the onions, lettuce, tomatoes, all neatly spaced and the dressing dripping like saliva...I've always loved burgers. I asked her to heat it up. "Ding" goes the microwave. I couldn't wait to pick up my change from the waitress as I hurried off to down this thing, PLUS my cousin was coming in and she'd have to order her stuff, also...I was hungry anyway. I ease myself into the thing and the taste was something I couldn't place. For the sake of information, I'd just say it was sour as vinegar. I felt like throwing up! The oh-so-fancy meat was sour and over a day old I can bet my kini on that. I was very disappointed. I didn't even see the whole picture. The lettuce hid the the whole lot of cabbage inside, which together with the meat gave the burger this kind of size that got me rolling in the first place.

On my way out, I couldn't help but return to the cashier to tell her what I went through. Of course she told me everything they had displayed was oven fresh. On close inspection, you could see that the whole menu has lost grace. I just was too hungry to take note. And all that glitters isn't gold-my cousin had told me it was forlorn but I din't listen.

Kai, my bele o...wait make I go s...

Lullaby

2007-02-12T16:56:00.000+01:00

It was a vibrant party, you know, with all the juvenile zest. Fast-forward and I see myself with this chubby, little boy with a bottle of hennessy. He looked 15. He got friendly and we settled down to drink. I made him drink some of it, 'cos well, he sourced it. But what would a 15 year old be doing with a bottle of Hennessy? So I thought we'd leave the rowdy part of the party and go chill out with the bottle in the nearby hotel. As we walked towards the building, there were careless glances, like no one really gave a damn about me carrying the bottle with the lad walking with me. Of course we were off to down it all, that's what's up! But there was this lady who stood up, and while walking to the nearby phone booth, she kept looking at us...hmmmm. I ignored her and moved on. Little did I know she'd made the call that was about to get me in trouble, or at least the way she looked at us, it appeared she screwed me (us) over.

Back in the hotel room, I gulped half the bottle of the henny, feeling high and shit. I left the remaining half for my brother who took a stroll earlier. Not long after, the kid excused himself and I felt good with myself. He reappears with a thick wad of cash and says we should go get some grub. A 15-year old boy, holding close to 10Gs. That's something. I didn't bother fussing over where he got dough from and we decided to go grub. He probably got it from the same source as the henny.

Scenes change and next I found myself back in the room but the kid wasn't with me. Door opens and three men sauntered in. Two hefty guys with chest as those of King-Kong flanked the smaller figure standing in between, left and right. The guy in the middle had some facial resemblance with the kid, but he's dressed like a traditional ruler - an Otunba to be precise. "Who's Joshua?" the Otunba asked. It was just me in the room. Without saying anything, sensing trouble, I rose to my feet. I tried to get close to the door, but both guards killed any attempt to escape. One of the two was carrying a black rucksack. He proceeded to open it. I saw what looked like bottles in the bag, with some queer-looking substance in them. "Here's hydrogen peroxide...this is sulfur...and this one is a concentrated acid..." He said in a very threatening voice. He took out a dirty, wrinkled piece of old paper and continued, "This is a receipt for purchasing these chemicals. This receipt is outdated, which means the chemicals are expired. I will have you drink of these, and there's nothing you can do about it. What were you doing with my son?..."

Now I knew what was happening. He was the kid's father. I looked at the door and noticed both guards weren't there. Without hesitation, like D'Banj, "mo gbe ja" (I took off). As I ran, I could hear echoes of his angry voice in the hall way, "You cannot escape." I fell into trap doors, and picked up myself, running with all the strength I could gather, sucking in as much oxygen to help me escape. I keep hearing the words "You cannot escape." every entrance into and exit from any of the rooms. My pulse quickened, my heartbeat was going at some 100bps (beats per second). I kept wishing and saying to myself, 'Josh, this has gotta be a dream. Just (move) and you'd be out of it. This has gotta be a dream. Shake yourself out of it." In no time, I found my face in my pillow with sweat dripping all over me. IT WAS A DREAM! I was close to peeing my pants, but I quickly dashed to the loo. It was a dream, after all.

I'm no Nebuchadnezzar, but all I've got to say is where are the Daniels to come decipher this o, cos fear catch me. I'm not the type who fusses over nightmares as I'm quick to tell others to dismiss whatever they say they saw in their's. But this one got at me o, cos I've not had a nightmare in a long-ass time. So wetin una think say dis one come mean? Or was it becos no one called to wish me sweet dreams before I gave head to my pillow?